Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am meeting with my lawyer today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. LIke I said yesterday. I do not care about her anymore or him. GO BE WITH HIM. Leave our kids here.

One other thing that I was thinking of....I am a lot closer to my son. We play sports every night etc. Nothing against my daughter at all, but would a mediator ever split them up? I dont know I think I am losing it, but one is better than none.

Finally, our daughter is all straight A's at our private school here in DC has a ton of friends, loves the teachers etc. So this will be a big change.
SOrry now just rambling

Do not even whisper that idea to anyone. That is a selfish idea and is about you, not the kids.

Focus on you keeping both of them here together with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am meeting with my lawyer today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. LIke I said yesterday. I do not care about her anymore or him. GO BE WITH HIM. Leave our kids here.

One other thing that I was thinking of....I am a lot closer to my son. We play sports every night etc. Nothing against my daughter at all, but would a mediator ever split them up? I dont know I think I am losing it, but one is better than none.

Finally, our daughter is all straight A's at our private school here in DC has a ton of friends, loves the teachers etc. So this will be a big change.
SOrry now just rambling

If you are not a troll, ask the moderator to delete this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey guys this is OP.

Well she sent me an email. Like I said earlier she is the worst about communication. Anyway she has already enrolled them in another school 1500 miles away. And she would like to discuss this week. I told her hell FING NO.
More background the reason she said she had an affair is because I was drinking a lot more than normal. I would say that is kind of true but it was never brought up. We would both go out and drink. I would have to attend a happy hour a lot so obviously I had a few drinks. Anyway, I never came close to cheating on her and I wish I was not an idiot and questioned her more about her behavior.
I did have too much to drink one day when it was my turn to have the kids and one of my kids called mom. It was my fault and I admitted it. We didnt go anywhere once I got them. We chilled and watched movies.

The ex and new fiance are getting married this Summer. I really do not care about that. I just would like to be in the same city as my kids. That is all I live for. The last two years since we have been divorced I pick them up or drop them off from school at least 6 times a week. I take my son to every sports practice soccer and baseball (I am the coach of his baseball team) I am assistant coach on my daughter's softball team. Not sure what else I can offer.

My attorney said that in our agreement (which by the way switched lawyers--considering he was absent) said that to relocate we have to go to mediation.

This sucks guys. Also for as much as DCUM gets ripped there is some really good advice in this thread.

What else?

My sibling was able to stop his the from moving out of state. You need to promptly go to court to prevent her from doing this. She can't simply kidnap them and can get in a lot of trouble. Also, it's apparent there is going to be all kinds of upheaval in their lives by this change. It wouldn't hurt to get another attorney's opinion. As for drinking too much etc. still not an excuse to cheat. Be thankful you are rid of this horrible person and didn't waste years! That is something to celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my brother. Even though she was the one who cheated and they had 50/50 custody, the judge amended the custody so that she could move with her new husband. Why? Because the new husband was the breadwinner for her to provide for the kids! F’d up situation. He had one of the best lawyers in VA as well. My parents even helped pay on the lawyer because the lawyer said he needed to maintain his same lifestyle (not downgrading his residence to a cheaper one to afford lawyer).

What happened to “make it even” is that my brother gets custody every weekend, all summer, and every major holiday on the holiday. And his ex is the one responsible for transporting them back to VA.

Of course what happened when the kids got older is they started missing out on weekend activities with friends and sports, so he’d allow them to skip weekends with him or he’d fly out to see them instead.

Just a horrible unfair situation. Some judges are still so archaeic in their always ruling for the mom.

This is exactly what happened to my good friend.

They had an easy, amicable divorce. Remained friends. No ill feelings. 50/50 custody. Was the picture of how life should go during and post-divorce. Flash forward 3 years and his ex had been remarried for 1 year and the new husband got notice he was being transferred to Pittsburgh. She gave notice that they were moving and he realized there was no provision in their custody agreement about this situation. They first had to go through mediation and then when that failed, the judge made the final ruling. She was allowed to move because the new husband was the main earner and because his work gave the notice that he was being transferred; it wasn't him looking for a new job on his own or something they just decided on their own. All of that worked in their favor and against my friend.

Just like in your brother's case, the ex and her new husband were 100% responsible for all travel costs to send the kids back to him. He only got them every other weekend, every summer, and every other holiday, though. However, like you said above, it got very difficult when the kids were older because they had their own lives and didn't want to leave every other weekend or leave for the whole summer. My friend went back to court and got it amended again where the ex was responsible for HIS travel costs to come visit the kids on the weekends where they didn't want to leave PA. You could look into that.

[Anonymous]

Ok

Just met with lawyer. She looked over my agreement. Because neither of us are from DC the agreement states that one can move out of the area if the other agrees to it. If not then you have to go to mediation. If we can't agree at mediation then we go to court. I am not sure what to ask for at mediation. The whole enchilada? Like ask for full custody etc?
Whatever I ask for, I am sure she will not agree to it. The next step is to go to court.
FYI the city is Atlanta.

So I asked my ex to meet tomorrow to discuss (she has no idea I visited with a lawyer today--hell she probably saw one too).

Trust me I do not get freaked out/nervous/on anything, but I am on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Offer her full custody.


She'll practically be begging you to take them!

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. I was with OP up until the last couple of posts. Sounds like we could be heading into make believe territory. Slow reveals that he is a heavy drinker who does happy hour a lot. Would be happy to keep one kid...either we are seeing his true colors or he is just pot stirring...

[Anonymous]

Ok

Just met with lawyer. She looked over my agreement. Because neither of us are from DC the agreement states that one can move out of the area if the other agrees to it. If not then you have to go to mediation. If we can't agree at mediation then we go to court. I am not sure what to ask for at mediation. The whole enchilada? Like ask for full custody etc?
Whatever I ask for, I am sure she will not agree to it. The next step is to go to court.
FYI the city is Atlanta.

So I asked my ex to meet tomorrow to discuss (she has no idea I visited with a lawyer today--hell she probably saw one too).

Trust me I do not get freaked out/nervous/on anything, but I am on this topic.

OP, I would try to work out a custody split that is proportional to what you have now, but keeps the children with you for school--eg, I am open to pretty much whatever you rporpose, but the kids remain in their school in this city. Keeping the kids in their current school, with their current friends and life should be the #1 priority.

If you factor in 2.5 months summer, 3 weeks at xmas and T day, and random long weekends, you are getting close to 70/30. She can then fly out on weekends and see them,and you can agree to make arrangements so that she has access to the kids easily. You can go to mediation, but there is really only two solutions for the kids--with her or with you. i have no idea what a judge would say but you can definitely document all of the involvement you currently have with the kids.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok

Just met with lawyer. She looked over my agreement. Because neither of us are from DC the agreement states that one can move out of the area if the other agrees to it. If not then you have to go to mediation. If we can't agree at mediation then we go to court. I am not sure what to ask for at mediation. The whole enchilada? Like ask for full custody etc?
Whatever I ask for, I am sure she will not agree to it. The next step is to go to court.
FYI the city is Atlanta.

So I asked my ex to meet tomorrow to discuss (she has no idea I visited with a lawyer today--hell she probably saw one too).

Trust me I do not get freaked out/nervous/on anything, but I am on this topic.

So....what did the attorney say she thought would be the range of outcomes if you go to court? Did she say there is a presumption in favor of staying put?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok

Just met with lawyer. She looked over my agreement. Because neither of us are from DC the agreement states that one can move out of the area if the other agrees to it. If not then you have to go to mediation. If we can't agree at mediation then we go to court. I am not sure what to ask for at mediation. The whole enchilada? Like ask for full custody etc?
Whatever I ask for, I am sure she will not agree to it. The next step is to go to court.
FYI the city is Atlanta.

So I asked my ex to meet tomorrow to discuss (she has no idea I visited with a lawyer today--hell she probably saw one too).

Trust me I do not get freaked out/nervous/on anything, but I am on this topic.

Sniff. Starting to smell a bit like troll sh!t I don't know any caring parent that would suggest splitting their kids apart, then you introduce the whole I used to drink a lot, then you say "neither of us are from DC" and you don't know what to ask for. C'mon. You demand that your kids continue living within a reasonable DRIVING distance, attending the schools they are already in and parent as you already claim to have been. This isn't rocket science so the fact that you are acting so lost smells a bit off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok

Just met with lawyer. She looked over my agreement. Because neither of us are from DC the agreement states that one can move out of the area if the other agrees to it. If not then you have to go to mediation. If we can't agree at mediation then we go to court. I am not sure what to ask for at mediation. The whole enchilada? Like ask for full custody etc?
Whatever I ask for, I am sure she will not agree to it. The next step is to go to court.
FYI the city is Atlanta.

So I asked my ex to meet tomorrow to discuss (she has no idea I visited with a lawyer today--hell she probably saw one too).

Trust me I do not get freaked out/nervous/on anything, but I am on this topic.

Sniff. Starting to smell a bit like troll sh!t I don't know any caring parent that would suggest splitting their kids apart, then you introduce the whole I used to drink a lot, then you say "neither of us are from DC" and you don't know what to ask for. C'mon. You demand that your kids continue living within a reasonable DRIVING distance, attending the schools they are already in and parent as you already claim to have been. This isn't rocket science so the fact that you are acting so lost smells a bit off.

Right, you start with they stay put.

[Anonymous]

OP, does the other guy have kids? If not, why doesn't he relocate?

I think its pretty terrible that she would expect to remove the kids from their father for no other reason than she decided to marry someone who lives elsewhere. The decision suggests that she is not putting her kids first, and I hope that a judge would see that.

[Anonymous]

OP again

Promise y'all not a troll. The other guy is mega rich with a high profile job (not going to say in what industry because that will give it away). He cant move-allegedly.

I am meeting with her at 2 today.
Will report back.

[Anonymous]

You have two options - either she get custody and you get visitation (and that assumes she follows it as if she says no, many courts will not care) - you get all summer from 2 days out of school till 4 days before school, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break and any long weekends of 3-4 days with them paying 100% travel costs or every other weekend depending on distance with a make up if she or the kids needs to cancel for any reason.

Or, custody and she gets the reverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again

Promise y'all not a troll. The other guy is mega rich with a high profile job (not going to say in what industry because that will give it away). He cant move-allegedly.

I am meeting with her at 2 today.
Will report back.

Or, she can stay and go visit him weekends or any time you have the kids.