Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many military families move successfully every day. It’s not an automatic sentence for traumatized children that have to change schools.

Military mom here. We do it, but it's not easy. We've moved twice in the last two years, and my kids still miss the buddies they left behind. My 6yo cried a few weeks ago, because it was coming to the end of the school year, and she was afraid we were going to move again and she would lose all her friends again. I'm still not sure she believes me that she'll be in the same school next year!

General consensus in the military community is that it's easier to move when the kids are young, harder in late elementary/middle school, and by high school it's generally preferred to send the military member on their own and let the spouse stay behind with the kids. Op's kids are in 6th and 3rd grade, where moving starts to get hard. The 6th grader in particular may have strong opinions about relocating. Middle school years are tough, with or without a move.

[Anonymous]

Yet another horror story...

Marriage is a raw deal for men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another horror story...

Marriage is a raw deal for men

The horror story is divorce for kids.

The men and women are adults.

[Anonymous]

Hey guys this is OP.

Well she sent me an email. Like I said earlier she is the worst about communication. Anyway she has already enrolled them in another school 1500 miles away. And she would like to discuss this week. I told her hell FING NO.
More background the reason she said she had an affair is because I was drinking a lot more than normal. I would say that is kind of true but it was never brought up. We would both go out and drink. I would have to attend a happy hour a lot so obviously I had a few drinks. Anyway, I never came close to cheating on her and I wish I was not an idiot and questioned her more about her behavior.
I did have too much to drink one day when it was my turn to have the kids and one of my kids called mom. It was my fault and I admitted it. We didnt go anywhere once I got them. We chilled and watched movies.

The ex and new fiance are getting married this Summer. I really do not care about that. I just would like to be in the same city as my kids. That is all I live for. The last two years since we have been divorced I pick them up or drop them off from school at least 6 times a week. I take my son to every sports practice soccer and baseball (I am the coach of his baseball team) I am assistant coach on my daughter's softball team. Not sure what else I can offer.

My attorney said that in our agreement (which by the way switched lawyers--considering he was absent) said that to relocate we have to go to mediation.

This sucks guys. Also for as much as DCUM gets ripped there is some really good advice in this thread.

What else?

[Anonymous]

Fight it. Offer her holidays and summers if she wants to move. Why she had the affair doesn't matter. She can blame you but ultimately she decided to cheat, get divorced and marry him. You may have been drinking, but its just an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fight it. Offer her holidays and summers if she wants to move. Why she had the affair doesn't matter. She can blame you but ultimately she decided to cheat, get divorced and marry him. You may have been drinking, but its just an excuse.

Also, what happened 2 years ago is irrelevant. Are you still drinking? If so, stop. Completely. If you are really so involved in your kids lives make sure you are documenting that. Fight kids relocation. Ask for full custody to maintain continuity in children's lives. Offer reasonable visitation schedule on holidays and summer - transportation to be bourne by departing parent. Do you have family in the area? That is a plus too.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my brother. Even though she was the one who cheated and they had 50/50 custody, the judge amended the custody so that she could move with her new husband. Why? Because the new husband was the breadwinner for her to provide for the kids! F’d up situation. He had one of the best lawyers in VA as well. My parents even helped pay on the lawyer because the lawyer said he needed to maintain his same lifestyle (not downgrading his residence to a cheaper one to afford lawyer).

What happened to “make it even” is that my brother gets custody every weekend, all summer, and every major holiday on the holiday. And his ex is the one responsible for transporting them back to VA.

Of course what happened when the kids got older is they started missing out on weekend activities with friends and sports, so he’d allow them to skip weekends with him or he’d fly out to see them instead.

Just a horrible unfair situation. Some judges are still so archaeic in their always ruling for the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of the kids and prevent the move EVEN if his ex is a good mom and her fiance is good to the kids.

It is not in the best interests of the kids to move to a different town, away from their father, under any circumstances.

OP, you'd better expect her to try and move, and take the kids with her, and you better lawyer up now and prepare for war.

This. This this.

[Anonymous]

Can you move there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey guys this is OP.

Well she sent me an email. Like I said earlier she is the worst about communication. Anyway she has already enrolled them in another school 1500 miles away. And she would like to discuss this week. I told her hell FING NO.
More background the reason she said she had an affair is because I was drinking a lot more than normal. I would say that is kind of true but it was never brought up. We would both go out and drink. I would have to attend a happy hour a lot so obviously I had a few drinks. Anyway, I never came close to cheating on her and I wish I was not an idiot and questioned her more about her behavior.
I did have too much to drink one day when it was my turn to have the kids and one of my kids called mom. It was my fault and I admitted it. We didnt go anywhere once I got them. We chilled and watched movies.

The ex and new fiance are getting married this Summer. I really do not care about that. I just would like to be in the same city as my kids. That is all I live for. The last two years since we have been divorced I pick them up or drop them off from school at least 6 times a week. I take my son to every sports practice soccer and baseball (I am the coach of his baseball team) I am assistant coach on my daughter's softball team. Not sure what else I can offer.

My attorney said that in our agreement (which by the way switched lawyers--considering he was absent) said that to relocate we have to go to mediation.

This sucks guys. Also for as much as DCUM gets ripped there is some really good advice in this thread.

What else?

My two cents. Until the agreement is modified you stick with the status quo which means the kids live here. So, with that in mind, I would drag out the mediation as long as possible. Delay in scheduling it, drag out those proceedings so it takes multiple mediations and ultimately say no. I mean, it's already almost the end of June and school probably starts in August out there so she'll miss the deadline for starting school and then you have a stronger argument that moving them midyear is disruptive.

Again, though, talk to your attorney about strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move there?

Why should he have to?

[Anonymous]

My mom made us move away from dad, so she could be in the same state as her new husband. PPs are right, we did have huge resentment -- toward our mom. We would have loved it if we got to stay with dad, stay at our school, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I am meeting with my lawyer today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. LIke I said yesterday. I do not care about her anymore or him. GO BE WITH HIM. Leave our kids here.

One other thing that I was thinking of....I am a lot closer to my son. We play sports every night etc. Nothing against my daughter at all, but would a mediator ever split them up? I dont know I think I am losing it, but one is better than none.

Finally, our daughter is all straight A's at our private school here in DC has a ton of friends, loves the teachers etc. So this will be a big change.
SOrry now just rambling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am meeting with my lawyer today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. LIke I said yesterday. I do not care about her anymore or him. GO BE WITH HIM. Leave our kids here.

One other thing that I was thinking of....I am a lot closer to my son. We play sports every night etc. Nothing against my daughter at all, but would a mediator ever split them up? I dont know I think I am losing it, but one is better than none.

Finally, our daughter is all straight A's at our private school here in DC has a ton of friends, loves the teachers etc. So this will be a big change.
SOrry now just rambling

Seriously? Splitting up brother and sister will 1) only make it harder for them (and their well being is #1 here), 2) the mere suggestion with make you look like a villain with poor judgement in court. Clear your head, you aren't thinking straight. Stick to the facts (your kids can't be taken away from you) ... and your lawyers advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move there?

NO!

He should have to relocate to follow the affair partner of his ex wife.

Wife needs to be a mom and do what is best for her kids, and stop being so damn selfish.