Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

[Anonymous]

Hi all-

Wife cheated on me with a guy and we got divorced two years ago. We have two young kids---who I adore and I am very involved in their lives-school sports etc. Anyway she text me that she would like to talk to me next week about next steps. She already told me that they are getting married which I am fine with. But he lives in a different city. I hope to god she is not going to tell me she is moving down there and taking the kids. We have split custody so have no clue how this would work and how I can fight it. I am not a lawyer--I am a government relations professional so this is way out of my wheel house.

Any advice? What questions should I ask her? In my opinion this is about her and not about the kids. THe kids are in 6 and 3rd grade.

Sorry about the rambling..................

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all-

Wife cheated on me with a guy and we got divorced two years ago. We have two young kids---who I adore and I am very involved in their lives-school sports etc. Anyway she text me that she would like to talk to me next week about next steps. She already told me that they are getting married which I am fine with. But he lives in a different city. I hope to god she is not going to tell me she is moving down there and taking the kids. We have split custody so have no clue how this would work and how I can fight it. I am not a lawyer--I am a government relations professional so this is way out of my wheel house.

Any advice? What questions should I ask her? In my opinion this is about her and not about the kids. THe kids are in 6 and 3rd grade.

Sorry about the rambling..................

Does your custody agreement have any language about relocation or dispute resolution? Mine does. Loosely, the parent who is moving is required to notify the other parent either 180 days before the move or as soon as they know they're moving, and we have to go to a mediator to work out a new custody schedule following that. Mediation has to happen before any court involvement. Our custody agreement also firmly states that our child will reside and attend school in the Washington, DC area until she graduates from high school unless we jointly agree otherwise.

[Anonymous]

This stinks OP.

We have a neighbor who this is happening to. She is still in the house with the kids. He has moved out.

I feel for him and the kids. It really sucks.

I hope you get to keep primary custody of the kids if she moves out of state.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

[Anonymous]

Time to lawyer up!

[Anonymous]

If she wants to move, get a lawyer OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

OP is there father and sounds like he loves his kids.

Mom's boy toy has character strikes against him.

Anyone who becomes an affair partner to a married person with kids is an ass who does not deserve respect or understanding.

[Anonymous]

Contact your divorce lawyer before you meet with her so you are armed with the right questions based on the terms of your agreement. You need to be prepared because she will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

OP is there father and sounds like he loves his kids.

Mom's boy toy has character strikes against him.

Anyone who becomes an affair partner to a married person with kids is an ass who does not deserve respect or understanding.

Yes yes. We know. Scorched earth.

However, in REALITY, you have a situation where a parent with joint custody is remarrying and considering moving. Saying "you do not deserve respect or understanding" is not going to help solve that problem in the slightest. Whether OP's ex is a good mom and whether her fiance is good to the kids is very relevant for how to act. For example, if she is a terrible mother (aside from the affair, which is not by definition terrible parenting, just terrible wifing) and the fiance is mean to the kids, OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of the kids and prevent the move EVEN if his ex is a good mom and her fiance is good to the kids.

It is not in the best interests of the kids to move to a different town, away from their father, under any circumstances.

OP, you'd better expect her to try and move, and take the kids with her, and you better lawyer up now and prepare for war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

OP is there father and sounds like he loves his kids.

Mom's boy toy has character strikes against him.

Anyone who becomes an affair partner to a married person with kids is an ass who does not deserve respect or understanding.

Yes yes. We know. Scorched earth.

However, in REALITY, you have a situation where a parent with joint custody is remarrying and considering moving. Saying "you do not deserve respect or understanding" is not going to help solve that problem in the slightest. Whether OP's ex is a good mom and whether her fiance is good to the kids is very relevant for how to act. For example, if she is a terrible mother (aside from the affair, which is not by definition terrible parenting, just terrible wifing) and the fiance is mean to the kids, OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

Boy toy should move to op and exdw. It's ridiculous for OP to have to endure a long distance relationship with his kids because mom had an affair and remarried that guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

OP is there father and sounds like he loves his kids.

Mom's boy toy has character strikes against him.

Anyone who becomes an affair partner to a married person with kids is an ass who does not deserve respect or understanding.

Yes yes. We know. Scorched earth.

However, in REALITY, you have a situation where a parent with joint custody is remarrying and considering moving. Saying "you do not deserve respect or understanding" is not going to help solve that problem in the slightest. Whether OP's ex is a good mom and whether her fiance is good to the kids is very relevant for how to act. For example, if she is a terrible mother (aside from the affair, which is not by definition terrible parenting, just terrible wifing) and the fiance is mean to the kids, OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

Given OPs wife is the one who had the affair and the one who is moving away from the kids' home and state, why should she have primary custody? Just because she is a woman?

OP has said he is very involved in the kids' activities and has 50% custody. Staying with him and spending summers with mom would be the least disruptive for these kids and cause them the least upheaval.

Mom has chosen to destroy their world once. Now she wants to do it again.

Dad is keeping their lives as stable as possible. Not mom.

What are any good reasons why mom should have primary custody and be able to move them out of state, away from their established lives? Why should they only see their dad a tiny fraction of the year when he is an involved dad with 50% custody? Because he is a man?

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer. Judges tend to favor stability and therefore favor the parent who is staying put. Best case, your ex realizes this and her guy moves to her. You sound like an involved dad, but your post also sounds pretty passive-you really need to be on this and fighting for your kids to stay with you (unless you are willing to relocate).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of the kids and prevent the move EVEN if his ex is a good mom and her fiance is good to the kids.

It is not in the best interests of the kids to move to a different town, away from their father, under any circumstances.

OP, you'd better expect her to try and move, and take the kids with her, and you better lawyer up now and prepare for war.

Yeah, much better to create eternal resentment. Great advice. Resentment is so helpful to children.

Seriously. This is life. If the kids do well with them, try your best to work it out.