Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have a kid with your wife? Doesn’t she care enough to check in about the kid? Look. I know. You think some guy is plowing her. Over. And over. But know this. If you are not subtle about this she’ll call you crazy, say you’re insecure, and go silent. But somethings not right here. Trust your gut and ask directly about her excuses. You’ll smoke her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op on her next trip call the Hilton Hotel switchboard and ask to be connected to the room phone where your wife told you she is.staying.

She does tell you her room number right?

Honestly it's apparent she's.been having a.long term affair with someone she works with. Most likely her boss. They use the trips overseas to f@ck. She can't facetime or you'd see her riding her boss.

This. I had to call a hotel overseas when we had a family emergency and I needed to reach DH. I didn't know a room number, but they put me through and were super nice - they actually went up there to check on him for me because he wasn't answering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

Pretty sure you don’t have either of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

They always stay in Hiltons overseas. It's part of the contract. They all have wifi. They don't share rooms. I see zero reason why she can't spend 3 minutes at the end of the day saying hello, I'm safe, tell the kids I love them.

Reading the responses has me depressed. I just needed a gut check to see if my concerns were legit. I'm gonna have a long talk when she gets home.

Don’t try to rationalize it. Cheating or not, she’s being rude. She’ll try to gas light you. But all women have a “tell.”

[Anonymous]

Ask her to Facetime for the kids, maybe. The thin wall stuff is really lame. Call her out on her lack of communication. Say that you are concerned about her. Watch her reactions carefully.

[Anonymous]

Assuming this post is real, and not some high level trolling, you need to think about how a divorce will play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

They always stay in Hiltons overseas. It's part of the contract. They all have wifi. They don't share rooms. I see zero reason why she can't spend 3 minutes at the end of the day saying hello, I'm safe, tell the kids I love them.

Reading the responses has me depressed. I just needed a gut check to see if my concerns were legit. I'm gonna have a long talk when she gets home.

Think about other clues. There has to be a way to track down what she is doing.

Have you gone through cc statements, receipts, cash withdrawals, phone records?

OP again. Funny you say that. About this time last year she was staying in "Manila". We face timed around bed time, her time. She was siting on the bed and there was a tapestry on the wall behind the headboard. It reminded me of what I had in my dorm room in college. It wasn't Filipino at all in decor. It also ddin't seem very Hilton-esque. I remarked on it and she got flustered looking for an explanation. I remember saying, 'you don't need to apologize for their decorator, lol'

What kind of phone does she have? Do have access to her apple or google login? With Apple or Google, you can do a find my phone... and it will show you approximate location...

[Anonymous]

OP, Do NOT spy on your wife. If there is something wrong that will make it worse, not better: if there is nothing going on except that she's too exhausted or depressed to talk, and she discovers you spied on her, you will have damaged your marriage irreparably. If she IS hiding something from you, and she discovers you spied on her, you will also be making it that much tougher for the two of you to repair things.

Just man up and talk to her, for God's sake. When she is home and recovered from travel, say, "Honey, there's something I want to talk to you about. It hurts my feelings and worries me when I can't reach you while you're traveling and you seem to be brushing me off. It has even made me worry that you might be having an affair. Is something going on? If so, please tell me. I would rather know so we can talk about it and figure out whether we can fix whatever's wrong than just be fearing the worst all the time. If I am being completely paranoid, I apologize, but i need some reassurance, and I need to feel, even while you are away, that we are still connected."

Communicate clearly. Don't spy on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Do NOT spy on your wife. If there is something wrong that will make it worse, not better: if there is nothing going on except that she's too exhausted or depressed to talk, and she discovers you spied on her, you will have damaged your marriage irreparably. If she IS hiding something from you, and she discovers you spied on her, you will also be making it that much tougher for the two of you to repair things.

Just man up and talk to her, for God's sake. When she is home and recovered from travel, say, "Honey, there's something I want to talk to you about. It hurts my feelings and worries me when I can't reach you while you're traveling and you seem to be brushing me off. It has even made me worry that you might be having an affair. Is something going on? If so, please tell me. I would rather know so we can talk about it and figure out whether we can fix whatever's wrong than just be fearing the worst all the time. If I am being completely paranoid, I apologize, but i need some reassurance, and I need to feel, even while you are away, that we are still connected."

Communicate clearly. Don't spy on her.

I agree with talking to her about it. But I wouldn’t follow this script.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Do NOT spy on your wife. If there is something wrong that will make it worse, not better: if there is nothing going on except that she's too exhausted or depressed to talk, and she discovers you spied on her, you will have damaged your marriage irreparably. If she IS hiding something from you, and she discovers you spied on her, you will also be making it that much tougher for the two of you to repair things.

Just man up and talk to her, for God's sake. When she is home and recovered from travel, say, "Honey, there's something I want to talk to you about. It hurts my feelings and worries me when I can't reach you while you're traveling and you seem to be brushing me off. It has even made me worry that you might be having an affair. Is something going on? If so, please tell me. I would rather know so we can talk about it and figure out whether we can fix whatever's wrong than just be fearing the worst all the time. If I am being completely paranoid, I apologize, but i need some reassurance, and I need to feel, even while you are away, that we are still connected."

Communicate clearly. Don't spy on her.

You forgot option 3.... that he spies on her, catches irrefutable evidence. When she is home and recovered from travel, say, "Honey, there's something I want to talk to you about. It hurts my feelings and worries me when I can't reach you while you're traveling and you seem to be brushing me off." And she completely denies and doubles down on denials.

Then he whips out the proof. Bam.

Like they were doing with Rob Porter... before the black-eye picture. Oops.

[Anonymous]

There are signs and this is clearly one. But look for others. Less sex? Talking s lot about a particular work colleague? Decreasing general interest in you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

So a cheating wh*re is trying to give someone else marital advice? This is rich!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't trust her. So work on that when you're back. Something isn't right in your marriage, so work on fixing it.

I suspect she isn't where she says she is, and that could be part of the job or she could be cheating. Who knows. The truth is your spidey sense is going off. You didn't make it sound like she used to text a lot and now it has dried up, so her behavior is usual for her. But something is now making you suspicious. Figure out what that is.

My DH and I both do this kind of thing, and not talking for days when one is overseas isn't unusual, especially when it's "exotic places ending in 'stan". They suck. You're tired. You want to eat something and go to sleep and hope to god the shower works in the morning. It's groundhog day every day. I would say about 25% of the people get "up to something" on travel, which means 75% don't. And just because there are men out there doesn't mean I suddenly want to sleep with them.

If the genders we're reversed, it would be "He's cheating, divorce him!". Instead, the one being cheated on is getting blamed.

[Anonymous]

I wish my wife was 5% as interesting as yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't trust her. So work on that when you're back. Something isn't right in your marriage, so work on fixing it.

I suspect she isn't where she says she is, and that could be part of the job or she could be cheating. Who knows. The truth is your spidey sense is going off. You didn't make it sound like she used to text a lot and now it has dried up, so her behavior is usual for her. But something is now making you suspicious. Figure out what that is.

My DH and I both do this kind of thing, and not talking for days when one is overseas isn't unusual, especially when it's "exotic places ending in 'stan". They suck. You're tired. You want to eat something and go to sleep and hope to god the shower works in the morning. It's groundhog day every day. I would say about 25% of the people get "up to something" on travel, which means 75% don't. And just because there are men out there doesn't mean I suddenly want to sleep with them.

If the genders we're reversed, it would be "He's cheating, divorce him!". Instead, the one being cheated on is getting blamed.

Yes seriously. Woman on here are ridiculous with their double standards.