My mom really wants to take care of my baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

Doing children's laundry and making children's meals is within the job description (although I'd be sure to clarify that ahead of time when you hire her.) But most nannies absolutely do not do the family's laundry and grocery shopping. I did not expect my nanny to be the same as a SAHP. I wanted her to do childcare, not housework.

You need to learn reading comprehension. I noted that explicitly...but I pointed out that it isn't that much extra work. My older DD loves going to the grocery store on her way home from school, and so does DS. It's an outing for them...one that's often recommended as good for child development if you talk to kids about what they're seeing while shopping.

Anyway, for OP, what's in the job description is what you put in the job description. It seems like daycare where you don't put the kid in when your mom's around or a FT nanny are both options depending on your preference. I think enough of us have posted here to make you feel comfortable that you can find a good nanny who also won't be offended if you ask her to do something non-childcare related. IME, you will pay more for such a nanny, and you need to be very up front about your expectations when you hire her.

You're still not being clear on what the work was. Picking up an item you forgot at the store once in a while when they walk past it on the way home is not the same as "meal planning and grocery shopping" as permanent, ongoing duties for the whole family.

I don't doubt that there are some nannies who don't mind housework and will agree to do it. My nannies spontaneously started emptying the dishwasher and doing any dishes left in the since, which was amazing ... and very much not required. The fact is, if you try to REQUIRE your nanny to do a significant load of non-child related housework, you better be prepared to pay her more than the going rate for it. Because the standard nanny job in DC does NOT involve a ton of housework, and the good nannies don't have to take every job offered to them. And nannies talk to each other, so they know very well what kind of employers are out there.

[Anonymous]

OP, just to be clear, if you choose a full-time nanny or full-time daycare option for your child, and then your mom takes care of the baby when she is here, you still have to pay daycare/nanny.

No daycare will let you just come and go as you please. You will still be paying them $400/week (ish), 52 weeks/year, regardless of whether baby is there or not.

Also, you can't just "give nanny the time off" when mom is here. You can pay them for not coming in. But if you cut their hours, they will find a new employer. They are dependent upon their expected income to pay bills, just like you are.

[Anonymous]

The only possible way this could work out is if you gave your nanny guaranteed hours and paid her the same amount every week, regardless if she worked or not. You also need to make a tentative schedule with your mom and nanny. Nanny needs to be able to make other plans during the weeks she is off, and not have to worry about being "on call". That being said, if your mom is sick or has a cancelled flight and can't take care of your daughter one day, you need to be prepared for your nanny to say no. If she has an entire week off, she's most likely going to make plans for those days and not be at your beck and call. I think a nannyshare is a good idea. Pay every week to hold your spot, and grandma can take a day off even during her weeks if needed. You can send her as much or as little as you like.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone who says you have to pay in full, whether nanny or daycare, and mom is just available when she is. I would prefer the daycare over the nanny, personally. Your child gets one-on-one attention when Grandma is visiting, but gets the benefit of group play/socialization when he goes to daycare. It would be a nice balance and probably cheaper than a full time nanny, and I think the transition from off-site daycare to home-with-Grandma would be easier than a transition from one woman (with her schedules, way of doing things etc) to another in the same home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only possible way this could work out is if you gave your nanny guaranteed hours and paid her the same amount every week, regardless if she worked or not. You also need to make a tentative schedule with your mom and nanny. Nanny needs to be able to make other plans during the weeks she is off, and not have to worry about being "on call". That being said, if your mom is sick or has a cancelled flight and can't take care of your daughter one day, you need to be prepared for your nanny to say no. If she has an entire week off, she's most likely going to make plans for those days and not be at your beck and call. I think a nannyshare is a good idea. Pay every week to hold your spot, and grandma can take a day off even during her weeks if needed. You can send her as much or as little as you like.

I'm sorry but no. I agree that OP and OP's mom have unrealistic expectations for how this will play out, but I totally disagree with your points above that I've bolded. If OP decides to get a full time nanny and pays her to work weekly, but only utilizes her half the time, the nanny should be "on call" during her weeks off (which aren't weeks off since she's being paid the full amount). That's the only way this arrangement could work, if OP has reliable childcare even if the grandma isn't able to make it into town for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

My nanny is a US Citizen, employed legally on the books with OT and does housework. She started when my first child was a baby. In the beginning, never asked her to do anything beyond folding laundry from the dryer, but she had the time because he was napping a lot, and is the type of person who likes to be busy. She suggested that she cook 2-3x a week for us and she empties the dishwasher and does other chores without ever having been asked. We've employed her for 5 years now (I have two kids). She still does housework even now that she's watching 2 kids (my little one naps, and my older one has half the day in preschool). Nannies are expensive, and part of the reason we've made the effort to continuously employ her is because she has shown the willingness to help around the house. The value added of coming home to dinner prepared and a number of household chores done is worth it for us, even though we're paying more than we would with just daycare. And with the stability of a 5 year job, regular pay raises and a vacation allotment, our nanny has bought a home for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

My nanny is a US Citizen, employed legally on the books with OT and does housework. She started when my first child was a baby. In the beginning, never asked her to do anything beyond folding laundry from the dryer, but she had the time because he was napping a lot, and is the type of person who likes to be busy. She suggested that she cook 2-3x a week for us and she empties the dishwasher and does other chores without ever having been asked. We've employed her for 5 years now (I have two kids). She still does housework even now that she's watching 2 kids (my little one naps, and my older one has half the day in preschool). Nannies are expensive, and part of the reason we've made the effort to continuously employ her is because she has shown the willingness to help around the house. The value added of coming home to dinner prepared and a number of household chores done is worth it for us, even though we're paying more than we would with just daycare. And with the stability of a 5 year job, regular pay raises and a vacation allotment, our nanny has bought a home for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only you know your mom, but the idea of requesting one week on and one week off sounds crazy to me. Does she really think you're going to be able to find someone else to watch your child every other week? I would get a nanny and maybe let your mom have one day every week or every other week, but make sure the nanny will be willing to come on those days as well because your mom kind of sounds like the kind of person who would change their mind about this a few weeks in.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

Doing children's laundry and making children's meals is within the job description (although I'd be sure to clarify that ahead of time when you hire her.) But most nannies absolutely do not do the family's laundry and grocery shopping. I did not expect my nanny to be the same as a SAHP. I wanted her to do childcare, not housework.

You need to learn reading comprehension. I noted that explicitly...but I pointed out that it isn't that much extra work. My older DD loves going to the grocery store on her way home from school, and so does DS. It's an outing for them...one that's often recommended as good for child development if you talk to kids about what they're seeing while shopping.

Anyway, for OP, what's in the job description is what you put in the job description. It seems like daycare where you don't put the kid in when your mom's around or a FT nanny are both options depending on your preference. I think enough of us have posted here to make you feel comfortable that you can find a good nanny who also won't be offended if you ask her to do something non-childcare related. IME, you will pay more for such a nanny, and you need to be very up front about your expectations when you hire her.

You're still not being clear on what the work was. Picking up an item you forgot at the store once in a while when they walk past it on the way home is not the same as "meal planning and grocery shopping" as permanent, ongoing duties for the whole family.

I don't doubt that there are some nannies who don't mind housework and will agree to do it. My nannies spontaneously started emptying the dishwasher and doing any dishes left in the since, which was amazing ... and very much not required. The fact is, if you try to REQUIRE your nanny to do a significant load of non-child related housework, you better be prepared to pay her more than the going rate for it. Because the standard nanny job in DC does NOT involve a ton of housework, and the good nannies don't have to take every job offered to them. And nannies talk to each other, so they know very well what kind of employers are out there.

I think it's pretty clear that these are my nanny's ongoing responsibilities. I've also been pretty clear that this was part of the job description and discussed in the interviews and also reflected in what we pay.

Just because you can't fathom that such a person exists doesn't mean she doesn't. All of us who have nannies with broader responsibilities have advised OP to be clear about expectations up front and expect to pay more if she decides to hire a nanny. Stop confusing her with your insistence that only underpaid and exploited nannies would deign to put a dirty dish in the dishwasher. Frankly, I don't know who you people are. It's not about things being beneath them, it's about being a self-starter who is more concerned with getting things done than some overly rigid definition of what their job is. I have a PhD from Harvard, and I happily would offer to fetch my boss coffee or lunch when he was over-worked. And crazily enough, when I was hobbling around on crutches he even would offer to fetch me coffee. Successful people in whatever role they are in don't think legitimate tasks are beneath them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My nanny is a US Citizen, employed legally on the books with OT and does housework. She started when my first child was a baby. In the beginning, never asked her to do anything beyond folding laundry from the dryer, but she had the time because he was napping a lot, and is the type of person who likes to be busy. She suggested that she cook 2-3x a week for us and she empties the dishwasher and does other chores without ever having been asked. We've employed her for 5 years now (I have two kids). She still does housework even now that she's watching 2 kids (my little one naps, and my older one has half the day in preschool). Nannies are expensive, and part of the reason we've made the effort to continuously employ her is because she has shown the willingness to help around the house. The value added of coming home to dinner prepared and a number of household chores done is worth it for us, even though we're paying more than we would with just daycare. And with the stability of a 5 year job, regular pay raises and a vacation allotment, our nanny has bought a home for her family.

Wow, are you me? Except that my kids are a bit younger, I could have almost written your post word-for-word...including our nanny having recently bought a house! While I was pregnant and on maternity leave and older DD was in pre-school, I also paid our nanny FT even when she wasn't working FT.

[Anonymous]

I've had a nanny for 10+ years now (multiple kids), so I'll give you a little long-term perspective, OP. Nannies get sick; they take vacations (often for multiple weeks to travel home); they break their feet; they need time off to care for a sick family member; they quit (sometimes with no notice); they have babies of their own. Having a retired parent who is willing to fly out with relatively little notice is a HUGE benefit. Assure your mother that there will be LOTS of times that she will be needed to help provide care for your child, and you REALLY appreciate her being able to do that. In fact, it allows you to have much more flexibility in your nanny hiring choices. Our current nanny is great, but she loves to take a lot of vacation. She has enough financial stability that I'm sure she would quit rather than give up her multiple vacations per year. We use family members to cover for her vacations and that allows us to keep her.
Also assure your mother that there will be lots of time you will visit her, and she can visit, even when you are not using her for free child care.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this arrangement - even if you could find a decent nanny to do this - is in the best interest of the baby/child. It is too disruptive and even if your mother and nanny follow the exact same schedule, the baby will suffer from the natural differences in his/her routine between you, your mother and the nanny.

Side note is that my MIL was so insistent that she wanted to be at my house every day to take care of and play with my baby when I was pregnant and it lasted less than two weeks. People forget how much work babies are! How boring and tedious it is as well as how lonely to be with a newborn all day. Nannies know - older parents forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My parents live in Florida, not ready to move up this way yet, but my mom doesn't want to miss out on a relationship with her granddaughter especially since DH's family is local ( Maryland).

Mom is retired so she figures she can fly up here a week at a time get to know the baby.

I know it sounds crazy, but this is important to her and I want my daughter to know her grandmother too,

I'm a nanny who dealt with almost this same situation. G'ma was out pf state but was going to fly in twice a month to to keep baby and I would have that time off. I started the position in January. By mid March G'ma decided she couldn't fly out here as often and stopped completely in April. The whole thing was a shit show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

Doing children's laundry and making children's meals is within the job description (although I'd be sure to clarify that ahead of time when you hire her.) But most nannies absolutely do not do the family's laundry and grocery shopping. I did not expect my nanny to be the same as a SAHP. I wanted her to do childcare, not housework.

You need to learn reading comprehension. I noted that explicitly...but I pointed out that it isn't that much extra work. My older DD loves going to the grocery store on her way home from school, and so does DS. It's an outing for them...one that's often recommended as good for child development if you talk to kids about what they're seeing while shopping.

Anyway, for OP, what's in the job description is what you put in the job description. It seems like daycare where you don't put the kid in when your mom's around or a FT nanny are both options depending on your preference. I think enough of us have posted here to make you feel comfortable that you can find a good nanny who also won't be offended if you ask her to do something non-childcare related. IME, you will pay more for such a nanny, and you need to be very up front about your expectations when you hire her.

You're still not being clear on what the work was. Picking up an item you forgot at the store once in a while when they walk past it on the way home is not the same as "meal planning and grocery shopping" as permanent, ongoing duties for the whole family.

I don't doubt that there are some nannies who don't mind housework and will agree to do it. My nannies spontaneously started emptying the dishwasher and doing any dishes left in the since, which was amazing ... and very much not required. The fact is, if you try to REQUIRE your nanny to do a significant load of non-child related housework, you better be prepared to pay her more than the going rate for it. Because the standard nanny job in DC does NOT involve a ton of housework, and the good nannies don't have to take every job offered to them. And nannies talk to each other, so they know very well what kind of employers are out there.

I think it's pretty clear that these are my nanny's ongoing responsibilities. I've also been pretty clear that this was part of the job description and discussed in the interviews and also reflected in what we pay.

Just because you can't fathom that such a person exists doesn't mean she doesn't. All of us who have nannies with broader responsibilities have advised OP to be clear about expectations up front and expect to pay more if she decides to hire a nanny. Stop confusing her with your insistence that only underpaid and exploited nannies would deign to put a dirty dish in the dishwasher. Frankly, I don't know who you people are. It's not about things being beneath them, it's about being a self-starter who is more concerned with getting things done than some overly rigid definition of what their job is. I have a PhD from Harvard, and I happily would offer to fetch my boss coffee or lunch when he was over-worked. And crazily enough, when I was hobbling around on crutches he even would offer to fetch me coffee. Successful people in whatever role they are in don't think legitimate tasks are beneath them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My parents live in Florida, not ready to move up this way yet, but my mom doesn't want to miss out on a relationship with her granddaughter especially since DH's family is local ( Maryland).

Mom is retired so she figures she can fly up here a week at a time get to know the baby.

I know it sounds crazy, but this is important to her and I want my daughter to know her grandmother too,

I'm a nanny who dealt with almost this same situation. G'ma was out pf state but was going to fly in twice a month to to keep baby and I would have that time off. I started the position in January. By mid March G'ma decided she couldn't fly out here as often and stopped completely in April. The whole thing was a shit show.

I do not find this surprising at all. I can hardly get my parents to visit for more than 4 nights a few times a year. They have a life of their own and most retired grandparents do not want to give up 2 weeks a month to care for an infant. sure they may in theory, but once the reality sets in they will call it quits.