My mom really wants to take care of my baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My parents live in Florida, not ready to move up this way yet, but my mom doesn't want to miss out on a relationship with her granddaughter especially since DH's family is local ( Maryland).

Mom is retired so she figures she can fly up here a week at a time get to know the baby.

I know it sounds crazy, but this is important to her and I want my daughter to know her grandmother too,

OK this changes things for me. You cannot have your childcare dependant on flying. How old is your mom? My mother almost always gets sick when she flies to meet me. That sort of schedule is extremely taxing, let alone for someone older. Just make your regular arrangements and then have your mom come when she can and do weekends/evenings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My parents live in Florida, not ready to move up this way yet, but my mom doesn't want to miss out on a relationship with her granddaughter especially since DH's family is local ( Maryland).

Mom is retired so she figures she can fly up here a week at a time get to know the baby.

I know it sounds crazy, but this is important to her and I want my daughter to know her grandmother too,

This is her first grandchild? She's overthinking it. There are lots of good ways for long-distance grandparents to have good relationships with their grandparents without going to this extreme.

Do you want your mom living with you for every other week? Does your DH?

Suggest, say, a long weekend every six weeks where she stays with the baby Fri and/or Mon while you go to work. Or just say that you and DH really have to have consistent full time care and get on your own two feet as parents, that you want her to be Grandma but not the nanny.

This impulse of your mom's isn't reasonable. She needs to figure out her own way to cope with the distance that doesn't involve deciding how you live your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom was the same. She wanted to watch my baby, but on her non-standard schedule. It actually got to be a serious problem. Against my better judgment (and because she was pressuring me so much), I went with her proposal and found very-hard-to-find intermittent but good childcare, but when the reality of caring for a baby hit, she ended up coming up with all sorts of conflicts. Of course, she didn't like to admit it, and so would actually cancel at the very last minute, leaving me without backup plans. Finally, after a several week stretch in which she canceled or altered the schedule 50% of the days that she had previously committed to, I found reliable weekly childcare. It was a scramble, too, because finding good care you trust takes time. All in all, it caused enormous stress that I don't think my mom ever even realized. My life was much better when I told my mom it wasn't working, and that she could continue to spend time with DS but that I was arranging for regular care. All in all, I blame myself in a lot of respects because I knew she was being overly optimistic and had unrealistic expectations of how it would work, but she was so adamant that I gave in, which I shouldn't have done.

I would not start with a schedule that involves logistical difficulties like this. Plane flights get canceled, and the reality of traveling every other week is going to be difficult. If this is your first baby, having that hanging over you will be incredibly stressful.

Listen to this person. She is 100% right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

I'm sorry but this is not a good idea. Things like errands make sense to suggest when you want to keep your nanny and your kids are in school most of the day, not for an infant nanny.

A nanny in this area can get a full-time job caring for an infant, make good money and not have to do your housework. The only type of infant nanny you are likely to get who will agree to this is one who is either not very good or desperate not the combo you want caring for your newborn.

You'll also have a hard time finding a quality daycare who will let you take 2 weeks off a month and hold your full-time infant spot wihtout charging you a large amount of money.

You just need to put on your big girl panties and tell your mom that you appreciate the offer, but it's not going to work for you, plan regular weekend visits instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

\

This is the best idea yet. Your mom can be back-up childcare for closings and extra care when you want/need it, but this way you're not tied to her reliability to keep your job.

[Anonymous]

Get a four day a week nanny, and have your mom watch the baby every Friday or Monday.

[Anonymous]

I'm a stay at home mom who also babysits on the side. I would take this job. One week on one off would work for me!

Also my friend flew her mother in for childcare. It was cheaper than a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Nanny share that accommodates this schedule? Of course, the other family would have to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

I don't just think it honey, it is low class.
People with actual money have a cook/chef and a housekeeper and a nanny.

I would call a college student who has done some babysitting and maybe worked in daycare a highly qualified nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a stay at home mom who also babysits on the side. I would take this job. One week on one off would work for me!

Also my friend flew her mother in for childcare. It was cheaper than a nanny.

Would you watch a sick baby on your on week?

What would you do if your kids are sick, but it's your week to watch the newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

I don't just think it honey, it is low class.
People with actual money have a cook/chef and a housekeeper and a nanny.

I would call a college student who has done some babysitting and maybe worked in daycare a highly qualified nanny.

It seems you are striving to be high class but are not b/c a true high class person would never refer to something as low class nor would they call someone 'honey'. It simply isn't proper.
Also based on your comment anyone without a chef, housekeeper and a nanny is low class. This is simply ridiculous.

The main point is that OP would need to clearly advertise what she is looking for in an employee. In this case it would be part-time child care and part time house-hold tasks. They person who takes such a job needs to be OK with the job requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

I don't just think it honey, it is low class.
People with actual money have a cook/chef and a housekeeper and a nanny.

I would call a college student who has done some babysitting and maybe worked in daycare a highly qualified nanny.

It seems you are striving to be high class but are not b/c a true high class person would never refer to something as low class nor would they call someone 'honey'. It simply isn't proper.
Also based on your comment anyone without a chef, housekeeper and a nanny is low class. This is simply ridiculous.

The main point is that OP would need to clearly advertise what she is looking for in an employee. In this case it would be part-time child care and part time house-hold tasks. They person who takes such a job needs to be OK with the job requirements.

NP here. I agree it's trashy to ask your nanny to wash your underwear, walk your dog and buy your groceries. It's actually a pretty big sign you don't value the work a nanny does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

I don't just think it honey, it is low class.
People with actual money have a cook/chef and a housekeeper and a nanny.

I would call a college student who has done some babysitting and maybe worked in daycare a highly qualified nanny.

It seems you are striving to be high class but are not b/c a true high class person would never refer to something as low class nor would they call someone 'honey'. It simply isn't proper.
Also based on your comment anyone without a chef, housekeeper and a nanny is low class. This is simply ridiculous.

The main point is that OP would need to clearly advertise what she is looking for in an employee. In this case it would be part-time child care and part time house-hold tasks. They person who takes such a job needs to be OK with the job requirements.

I agree with the PP who says that a good infant-care nanny would not want to be doing housework 1/2 the time. A good infant care nanny likes babies, and takes pride in taking care of them. That's the job they want to do. While most are happy to do the basics in clean up (clean up baby toys, wash bottles, empty diaper pail, maybe fold some baby clothes), generally they don't want to be doing housework. I know this because I've helped my excellent infant nanny find her next 2 placements, and she'd tell me about the jobs she turned down because they expected her to be a house cleaner (one lady wanted her to spend an hour a day ironing clothes!)

If you try to hire a 1/2 nanny, 1/2 housecleaner, you're going to end up with someone inexperience, or who for other reasons can't find a regular nanny job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

You had your infant-care nanny meal plan, grocery shop, and do family laundry and dishes? Wow.