My mom really wants to take care of my baby

[Anonymous]

All you people saying just have the nanny clean, I don't think are being realistic.

This is not a case of having the nanny throw a dish in the oven or fold some laundry when the baby is sleeping.

How do you envision the days going when grandma and nanny are in the house at the same time? Especially as baby moves beyond being a newborn.

Is nanny just supposed to ignore the child and clean so grandma can get in her snuggles?

Also, are you really going to be okay with those extra chores not being done the other weeks? Probaly not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

You had your infant-care nanny meal plan, grocery shop, and do family laundry and dishes? Wow.

Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

Doing children's laundry and making children's meals is within the job description (although I'd be sure to clarify that ahead of time when you hire her.) But most nannies absolutely do not do the family's laundry and grocery shopping. I did not expect my nanny to be the same as a SAHP. I wanted her to do childcare, not housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

\

This is the best idea yet. Your mom can be back-up childcare for closings and extra care when you want/need it, but this way you're not tied to her reliability to keep your job.

This exactly. My mom also lives in FL and she always tells me that she will fly up when our now 2 babies get sick. This has been a good option once or twice when we've had prolonged illnesses.

[Anonymous]

Once the reality of how hard it is to care for a baby hits, your mom will not want to do full time care every other week--I'd be surprised if she ultimately agrees to more than a few days a month.

Just get a full time nanny (or daycare). Have mom come and try it out, but, once she is stuck alone in your house with the baby in an area she doesn't live in, she will stop saying she wants every other week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

PP here. Yes, they actually were. I know that for a fact. Nobody is taking advantage of them or having them clean toilets. That's ridiculous. But my sister's nanny was a very energetic lady who didn't want to just sit around while the baby was sleeping. She enjoyed cooking and doing other domestic things so she did them when she had a chance. I'm sure other nannies wouldn't want to do that but there are plenty who take it upon themselves to help out with more than just the bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

OP, your mom is not thinking this through. I can tell you right now all what will happen:

1) Your mom won't want to listen to you or the nanny and will undermine sleep training and schedule protocols. It will take months longer than it should to get your baby on a good schedule (which is crucial for the sanity of working parents). Other families will have a nice routine going by 6 months but your kid will be so turned around from having completely different caregivers and routines every other week that he/she will still have an unpredictable and erratic schedule until closer to a year when it becomes increasingly hard to sleep train.

2) Your mom will likely compete for baby's affection with the nanny so your nanny will quit and you'll have to find a new one, or she'll just get sick of the bizarre schedule and find a real job.

3) Your mom will think it's pretty fun until baby turns into a crawler, or walker or tantrum-throwing toddler and she will be overwhelmed and either start flaking or guilt-tripping you depending on her style.

4) Your mom will take extreme personal offense when the baby goes through stages of preferring the nanny (which is a totally normal and predictable part of separation anxiety).

5) Your poor husband is NOT going to be happy having his MIL in the house 50% of the time and the two of you will have added marital stress during what is already a hard time in any marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once the reality of how hard it is to care for a baby hits, your mom will not want to do full time care every other week--I'd be surprised if she ultimately agrees to more than a few days a month.

Just get a full time nanny (or daycare). Have mom come and try it out, but, once she is stuck alone in your house with the baby in an area she doesn't live in, she will stop saying she wants every other week.

+1. This is grandma's wishful thinking. Wait until she makes these trips a few times and has to take care of an infant for a full day. It's not the same as getting your snuggles in while visiting on a weekend!!!! My Mom offered to quit her job and babysit for us when my DD was born (she is close to retirement anyway). I explained that it'd have to be 8am-5pm Monday-Friday, not when she feels like coming by. So DD is in daycare and grandma comes to visit on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

PP here. Yes, they actually were. I know that for a fact. Nobody is taking advantage of them or having them clean toilets. That's ridiculous. But my sister's nanny was a very energetic lady who didn't want to just sit around while the baby was sleeping. She enjoyed cooking and doing other domestic things so she did them when she had a chance. I'm sure other nannies wouldn't want to do that but there are plenty who take it upon themselves to help out with more than just the bare minimum.

It's sad that you and your sister view caring for a child as bare minimum.

Kind of proves PP's point that families that ask nannies to do housework don't truly value the work of a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

Doing children's laundry and making children's meals is within the job description (although I'd be sure to clarify that ahead of time when you hire her.) But most nannies absolutely do not do the family's laundry and grocery shopping. I did not expect my nanny to be the same as a SAHP. I wanted her to do childcare, not housework.

You need to learn reading comprehension. I noted that explicitly...but I pointed out that it isn't that much extra work. My older DD loves going to the grocery store on her way home from school, and so does DS. It's an outing for them...one that's often recommended as good for child development if you talk to kids about what they're seeing while shopping.

Anyway, for OP, what's in the job description is what you put in the job description. It seems like daycare where you don't put the kid in when your mom's around or a FT nanny are both options depending on your preference. I think enough of us have posted here to make you feel comfortable that you can find a good nanny who also won't be offended if you ask her to do something non-childcare related. IME, you will pay more for such a nanny, and you need to be very up front about your expectations when you hire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Were these legal, on-the-books, nannies in the US getting paid OT as appropriate?

PP here. Yes, they actually were. I know that for a fact. Nobody is taking advantage of them or having them clean toilets. That's ridiculous. But my sister's nanny was a very energetic lady who didn't want to just sit around while the baby was sleeping. She enjoyed cooking and doing other domestic things so she did them when she had a chance. I'm sure other nannies wouldn't want to do that but there are plenty who take it upon themselves to help out with more than just the bare minimum.

Really? You asked all your friends if their nannies were legal and paid on the books. The books meaning not 1099 BTW. I find that hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your mom is not thinking this through. I can tell you right now all what will happen:

1) Your mom won't want to listen to you or the nanny and will undermine sleep training and schedule protocols. It will take months longer than it should to get your baby on a good schedule (which is crucial for the sanity of working parents). Other families will have a nice routine going by 6 months but your kid will be so turned around from having completely different caregivers and routines every other week that he/she will still have an unpredictable and erratic schedule until closer to a year when it becomes increasingly hard to sleep train.

2) Your mom will likely compete for baby's affection with the nanny so your nanny will quit and you'll have to find a new one, or she'll just get sick of the bizarre schedule and find a real job.

3) Your mom will think it's pretty fun until baby turns into a crawler, or walker or tantrum-throwing toddler and she will be overwhelmed and either start flaking or guilt-tripping you depending on her style.

4) Your mom will take extreme personal offense when the baby goes through stages of preferring the nanny (which is a totally normal and predictable part of separation anxiety).

5) Your poor husband is NOT going to be happy having his MIL in the house 50% of the time and the two of you will have added marital stress during what is already a hard time in any marriage.

+10000 Especially to the first 1. I made the mistake of having mom be the nanny, and let me tell you it's not easy being your mom's boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, having your child care arrangement dependent on someone flying down every other week is not a good idea. Why doesn't your mom just come up for a month (or two) so your baby can have consistent home care while she's little and then start the nanny arrangement a month or two later. Your mom gets her baby time, and you save some money too. (That's what I did.)

+1 This makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, having your child care arrangement dependent on someone flying down every other week is not a good idea. Why doesn't your mom just come up for a month (or two) so your baby can have consistent home care while she's little and then start the nanny arrangement a month or two later. Your mom gets her baby time, and you save some money too. (That's what I did.)

+1 This makes sense.

My MIL spent 5w here with my first after I started back to work. I think she feels much closer to DD because of it. It wasn't always easy for me, but in the end it was worthwhile all around, I think. She still talks fondly of that time. Also, she was able to overlap a couple days with the nanny we did hire, and it gave me peace of mind that grandma also approved of the nanny in action.