My mom really wants to take care of my baby

[Anonymous]

Other than daycare.
If you have the money, I think your best option is to pay the nanny on her off week.

This way she's not going a week without pay, she doesn't feel taken advantage of by becoming the housekeeper for a week,

And in the event grandma can't make it she's free to step in and you don't have to scramble for coverage.

A win for everyone!

[Anonymous]

All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

That's nice and how does this solve OP's problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

This. Just be completely up front about it in your job posting and interview. If your mom will be staying with you, there will be extra housework and you'll appreciate it. I also strongly suspect that your mom will cut back to one week a month really quickly...because the whole idea is kind of nuts.

We don't have nearly as frequent grandparent visits, but we have enough that we discussed in detail what would happen when they were visiting. Kids' nanny gets along great with everyone, has often taken my mom grocery shopping, and at this point I don't even need to discuss things with her...she goes out of her way to prepare the guest room etc for visits and forces me to sit down and plan meals ahead etc

Asking your nanny to do your housework just sreams low class.

Well, fine if you think that. But our nanny is experienced, highly paid (on the books), and we are pretty well-off even by DCUM standards. We even offered to pay for her community college classes, but she got a state grant. Our DS has some delays, and she diligently does his PT exercises and comes with us to his medical appointments.

I wouldn't ask a nanny to actually clean (I have a paid service for that), but laundry, dishes, meal planning, and grocery shopping are pretty common tasks for a nanny to take on.

You had your infant-care nanny meal plan, grocery shop, and do family laundry and dishes? Wow.

Crazy, huh? I don't know what you think it takes to accomplish these things, but I have a decent idea because I WAH. It's probably 2 hours or less, and all done while DS is napping. If he's fussy/won't sleep etc, then she doesn't get stuff done. No big deal, and she knows that. Do you think that SAHP's don't do these things while caring for an infant? Do you also think that if you have an infant and an older child that you need a second nanny because a nanny can't possibly handle running after a toddler while caring for an infant? Though I should clarify that I had 4+ mos maternity leaves for both kids, and older DD started pre-school before DS was born. I guess if you are thinking about a newborn, then it would be difficult.

FWIW, she only does kids' laundry and washes sheets/towels once a week. We do our own laundry. Most nannies do children's laundry and prepare children's meals (we have an older kid, so she'd be cooking for her anyway), so there isn't a lot of extra work. She's not cooking gourmet french meals or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

That's nice and how does this solve OP's problem?

OP's problem is that she can't find a PT nanny. Several PP's have suggested that she could hire a FT nanny and have her do more things that are non-childcare related while her mom is in town.

I honestly think that 1) grandma will not come nearly as often as she says she will and 2) grandma will not be able to/want to handle FT childcare for an entire week at a time. Because of that, the FT nanny will be utilized mostly as a FT nanny with perhaps more frequent than average grandparent visits. I learned very early that when my ILs came and made a point of saying that I should tell the kids' nanny that she can leave early because they will watch the kids, I should not listen to them. Grandparents want time with the kids. They don't want to necessarily change diapers or do all of the manual work. And a nanny can facilitate that.

Despite what PP's might be saying, there are good nannies who provide excellent care and also don't have huge sticks up their butt that make them believe that anything that doesn't directly involve their charge is beneath them. Contrary to those same PPs, these nannies are not cheap, but they are hard-working. I honestly think half of the insults to people who don't kiss the feet of their nannies every day are posted by nannies themselves. I don't see why. My nanny who is willing to do things you consider beneath you is not a threat to you...I would never hire you anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

I don't know of any nannies who are willing to do housework that's not related to the kids. It's not uncommon for the nanny to make meals for the kids, run their laundry, pick up toys with the kids, etc., and I know some who run kid-related errands (e.g., buy the kid a new swimsuit on the family's credit card, take the kid for a flu shot), but none that do the parents' laundry, scrub toilets, etc.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, having your child care arrangement dependent on someone flying down every other week is not a good idea. Why doesn't your mom just come up for a month (or two) so your baby can have consistent home care while she's little and then start the nanny arrangement a month or two later. Your mom gets her baby time, and you save some money too. (That's what I did.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

That's nice and how does this solve OP's problem?

OP's problem is that she can't find a PT nanny. Several PP's have suggested that she could hire a FT nanny and have her do more things that are non-childcare related while her mom is in town.

I honestly think that 1) grandma will not come nearly as often as she says she will and 2) grandma will not be able to/want to handle FT childcare for an entire week at a time. Because of that, the FT nanny will be utilized mostly as a FT nanny with perhaps more frequent than average grandparent visits. I learned very early that when my ILs came and made a point of saying that I should tell the kids' nanny that she can leave early because they will watch the kids, I should not listen to them. Grandparents want time with the kids. They don't want to necessarily change diapers or do all of the manual work. And a nanny can facilitate that.

Despite what PP's might be saying, there are good nannies who provide excellent care and also don't have huge sticks up their butt that make them believe that anything that doesn't directly involve their charge is beneath them. Contrary to those same PPs, these nannies are not cheap, but they are hard-working. I honestly think half of the insults to people who don't kiss the feet of their nannies every day are posted by nannies themselves. I don't see why. My nanny who is willing to do things you consider beneath you is not a threat to you...I would never hire you anyway.

Yes there are nannies who will do anything for you.
The also tend to be in the country illegally or refugees from extremely impoverished or violent countries.
They also tend to accept extremely low wages and are paid illegally.
Maybe you are ok with breaking the law and taking advantage with someone in need, but not everyone is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

Why does the nanny need to do cleaning for you?

Obviously, the money is there, so why not pay her for the off week and consider it holding your spot as you would for a daycare , with the added bonus off if OP's mom decides to flake, OP can call the nanny in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

I'm sorry but this is not a good idea. Things like errands make sense to suggest when you want to keep your nanny and your kids are in school most of the day, not for an infant nanny.

A nanny in this area can get a full-time job caring for an infant, make good money and not have to do your housework. The only type of infant nanny you are likely to get who will agree to this is one who is either not very good or desperate not the combo you want caring for your newborn.

You'll also have a hard time finding a quality daycare who will let you take 2 weeks off a month and hold your full-time infant spot wihtout charging you a large amount of money.

You just need to put on your big girl panties and tell your mom that you appreciate the offer, but it's not going to work for you, plan regular weekend visits instead.

Not true! A lot of older, grandma-type nannies who are great with infants are also looking for/willing to do housekeeping jobs. I've also had a couple of nanny/housekeepers who just like the variety in their day. Even nannies get tired of childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who had nannies did house work, too. Maybe it's cultural. My DD is in daycare so I've never had one but my sister and many other friends always said that their nannies would cook, clean, even do laundry when the baby was sleeping. I remember my sister's nanny would ask them to buy certain products so the nanny could cook them meals while the baby was sleeping. And no, none of them are low class at all.

That's nice and how does this solve OP's problem?

OP's problem is that she can't find a PT nanny. Several PP's have suggested that she could hire a FT nanny and have her do more things that are non-childcare related while her mom is in town.

I honestly think that 1) grandma will not come nearly as often as she says she will and 2) grandma will not be able to/want to handle FT childcare for an entire week at a time. Because of that, the FT nanny will be utilized mostly as a FT nanny with perhaps more frequent than average grandparent visits. I learned very early that when my ILs came and made a point of saying that I should tell the kids' nanny that she can leave early because they will watch the kids, I should not listen to them. Grandparents want time with the kids. They don't want to necessarily change diapers or do all of the manual work. And a nanny can facilitate that.

Despite what PP's might be saying, there are good nannies who provide excellent care and also don't have huge sticks up their butt that make them believe that anything that doesn't directly involve their charge is beneath them. Contrary to those same PPs, these nannies are not cheap, but they are hard-working. I honestly think half of the insults to people who don't kiss the feet of their nannies every day are posted by nannies themselves. I don't see why. My nanny who is willing to do things you consider beneath you is not a threat to you...I would never hire you anyway.

Yes there are nannies who will do anything for you.
The also tend to be in the country illegally or refugees from extremely impoverished or violent countries.
They also tend to accept extremely low wages and are paid illegally.
Maybe you are ok with breaking the law and taking advantage with someone in need, but not everyone is.

Well, my nanny was born and grew up 10 minutes from where we live. And she's paid above average wages on the books. So, nice try, but no.

She could easily find another position, but she loves working for us. We support her aspirations to get a MSW, and we treat her with a lot of respect. And while you all seem to think I'm working her to the bone, more often than not she's still bored because she doesn't have enough to do while the kids are sleeping. She takes it upon herself to do things like clean out the pantry etc, just so she has something to do. I literally just had to apologize to her, because DS is asleep and she was asking for something to do but I couldn't think of a single thing.

[Anonymous]

You advertise for a nanny/housekeeper and pay accordingly. You are up front about the job duties and benefits. People who are interested will apply, people who won't, won't. If you get no applicants, either you need to raise your rate or change the job description.

However, in 7 years of hiring both nannies and housekeepers, and people who do both, I can tell you that there are plenty of people who are good with kids and willing to do other domestic work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put your baby in daycare, and when your mom is in town, keep baby home to hang out with mom? That way, your mom can spend time with baby when she is in town, but you aren't screwed looking for backup coverage if she is supposed to come when you don't have nanny coming, and then something comes up and she can't.

I think this is a great solution. You never know when your mother might get sick, or her flight might get cancelled, or after sometime she may find that the travel is too much.

When your mother is out of town DC just doesn't go to day care.

The other option is to find a nanny who is OK with house work and errands. One week she is full time with DC the next she cleans, cooks, does laundry, grocery shopping etc.

I'm sorry but this is not a good idea. Things like errands make sense to suggest when you want to keep your nanny and your kids are in school most of the day, not for an infant nanny.

A nanny in this area can get a full-time job caring for an infant, make good money and not have to do your housework. The only type of infant nanny you are likely to get who will agree to this is one who is either not very good or desperate not the combo you want caring for your newborn.

You'll also have a hard time finding a quality daycare who will let you take 2 weeks off a month and hold your full-time infant spot wihtout charging you a large amount of money.

You just need to put on your big girl panties and tell your mom that you appreciate the offer, but it's not going to work for you, plan regular weekend visits instead.

Not true! A lot of older, grandma-type nannies who are great with infants are also looking for/willing to do housekeeping jobs. I've also had a couple of nanny/housekeepers who just like the variety in their day. Even nannies get tired of childcare.

So you take advantage of the elderly too. How nice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You advertise for a nanny/housekeeper and pay accordingly. You are up front about the job duties and benefits. People who are interested will apply, people who won't, won't. If you get no applicants, either you need to raise your rate or change the job description.

However, in 7 years of hiring both nannies and housekeepers, and people who do both, I can tell you that there are plenty of people who are good with kids and willing to do other domestic work.

Lots of people are good with kids. My garbage man is good with kids, doesn't mean I'm going to leave my baby with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You advertise for a nanny/housekeeper and pay accordingly. You are up front about the job duties and benefits. People who are interested will apply, people who won't, won't. If you get no applicants, either you need to raise your rate or change the job description.

However, in 7 years of hiring both nannies and housekeepers, and people who do both, I can tell you that there are plenty of people who are good with kids and willing to do other domestic work.

Lots of people are good with kids. My garbage man is good with kids, doesn't mean I'm going to leave my baby with him.

+1 My secretary is good with my son I suppose I should just leave him with her. I'll get more for my money that way.