What do you do if you sense your teen is treading toward loser-ville?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never call him a loser. But he's so lazy and in denial about his laziness and I catch him lying about everything. He hates school. Hates reading. Hates every subject.

Does he have any hobbies or interests?

No. Obsessed with hangin' and goofin' with friends.

That doesn't pay very well, as a way to make a living in the future. Does he realize that?

[Anonymous]

http://ncpamd.com/add-comorbidity/

Half the time adhd does occur alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a terrible parent. She may not want to hear but the kids I've known who really go off the rails and the ones with high-achieving parents and siblings who live every day feeling like they don't measure up to the expectations of those around them. You had better get yourself into family counseling quickly and figure out why so are so narcissistic and devoid of empathy for a child who is not a carbon copy of yourself.

What?? As a parent of a similar type kid but younger... she sounds like a worried and slightly overwhelmed parent of a kid with some underlying issues leading to her sons avoidant behaviors. Having a normal and highly functioning kid first makes it all the more difficult and confusing when the other core out different

Hold your judgements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a terrible parent. She may not want to hear but the kids I've known who really go off the rails and the ones with high-achieving parents and siblings who live every day feeling like they don't measure up to the expectations of those around them. You had better get yourself into family counseling quickly and figure out why so are so narcissistic and devoid of empathy for a child who is not a carbon copy of yourself.

What?? As a parent of a similar type kid but younger... she sounds like a worried and slightly overwhelmed parent of a kid with some underlying issues leading to her sons avoidant behaviors. Having a normal and highly functioning kid first makes it all the more difficult and confusing when the other core out different

Hold your judgements.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What is he good at?" Does people really believe everyone has a talent ... some people aren't just lazy and dumb?

Yes, some people really believe that everyone has different strengths. But treating someone like they're lazy and dumb is a great way to guarantee that behavior continues.

I failed out of one junior college and then barely squeaked through a second one. I'm organized as hell (as a kid, you never would have seen that one coming), GREAT at problem-solving, GREAT at customer service. I make $84k as a legal secretary. My cousins have masters degrees and one is a teacher and one is a news anchor. I have no loans and earn more than each of them. School isn't everything.

Also, the two cousins have both said they don't read anything other than Us Weekly or Redbook magazines. Right now I'm reading: Augusten Burroughs - Lust & Wonder, Wendy Suziki - Healthy Brain, Happy Life, and Amy Schumer - The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo. It's not Shakespeare, but it keeps my thoughts interesting.

When you're a kid, your worth is predicted based on school, which is your profession. If you suck at school, it's assumed you suck at life. Even if nobody says that, it's conveyed to you from multiple people, in multiple ways. But it's not true. For some people, sure, school is a lifeline, a map of how to get where they want to go. But for people like me, it just kills the self esteem and makes you want to die until you get some bullshit job after school and realize "Holy shit, I could actually be GOOD at something!" Sure it was a retail job in the mall, but it made me realize the traditional route was not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the son of a friend of mine. Very lazy in high school. Failed the first college he attended with all D in every class. Went back home and suddenly declared he wanted to become a doctor. Went to community college, went to med school, and is now becoming an emergency doctor.

Lol. That's a 1 in 1,000,000 anecdote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

What tests are you all recommending and what sort of doctor?

Our family physician wrote him the Adderall script two years ago. I assume it's helped him, some, but I have to ride him every day to keep grades decent. If I didn't ride him he'd be a C/D student.

I just googled Exec Function Disorder, and yes, he has that. Who helps with that? A psychologist? He actually has mentors that explain similar Exec Function things — he ignores all of it. It's all stupid or "gay".

It is NOT okay to use "gay" as a synonym for stupid. We have evolved. Treat that like you would treat a racial slur -- not allowed in your home.

THIS
wtf OP seriously wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

What tests are you all recommending and what sort of doctor?

Our family physician wrote him the Adderall script two years ago. I assume it's helped him, some, but I have to ride him every day to keep grades decent. If I didn't ride him he'd be a C/D student.

I just googled Exec Function Disorder, and yes, he has that. Who helps with that? A psychologist? He actually has mentors that explain similar Exec Function things — he ignores all of it. It's all stupid or "gay".

It is NOT okay to use "gay" as a synonym for stupid. We have evolved. Treat that like you would treat a racial slur -- not allowed in your home.

THIS
wtf OP seriously wtf

Not OP- it caught my eye too- but not the topic of discussion. Executive functioning disorder. OP read "Smart but Scattered" for ideas of how to begin helping your DS at home. Start with that- it's a classic for parents of kids with EF deficits. Impaired executive functioning is so frustrating to live with- my younger DS has these issues and it drives me absolutely f$&@ing nuts. I have to take deep breaths several times a day so that I don't scream in frustration or say things I will later regret.
I sympathize- it's time to get to the bottom of this issue and act while you have some control.

[Anonymous]

Today I learned moms have a new title to rationalize lazy immature teens: executive function disorder. Or... maybe you just let your kid sit on their ass for too many years before addressing it and now it's baked into their character.

[Anonymous]

How old/grade is this student? Is his attitude new or has it been going on a long time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old/grade is this student? Is his attitude new or has it been going on a long time?

OP.

For ever? Thought he'd mature. Even when doing chores he's a drag ass with a dirty look on his face ... for as long as I can remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old/grade is this student? Is his attitude new or has it been going on a long time?

OP.

For ever? Thought he'd mature. Even when doing chores he's a drag ass with a dirty look on his face ... for as long as I can remember.

Well, have you tried telling him that the faster he makes good grades, gets a useful hobby, and gets into college, the faster he will be able to get the #&$# out of the house? If he just slacks along, he will be living with you on his case, for the foreseeable future. This motivated me like nothing else could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old/grade is this student? Is his attitude new or has it been going on a long time?

OP.

For ever? Thought he'd mature. Even when doing chores he's a drag ass with a dirty look on his face ... for as long as I can remember.

OP- consider posting on the special needs board. Your son has ADHD- it affects global functioning. My guess is that much of his behavior is a result of ADHD and/or other related issues. I know this is frustrating. My son with similar issues will get into screaming matches with me over the most minor things. Last night- I was so relieved when he went to bed because he was unpleasant and refusing to do very simple things like brush his teeth or pack his (finished) homework into his backpack for school. (seriously, he spent an hour on homework then fought with me tooth and nail because he didn't want to go to the effort of putting it in folders to hand in at school). That is how executive functioning and ADHD work. Parents who have not dealt with it on this scale have no clue and will suggest some things that won't work or will cause major escalations. Go to the special needs board for advice that is helpful and sympathetic. You are not alone, you are not a terrible parent, your son is not doomed to failure, and your feelings of anger and frustration are natural and normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old/grade is this student? Is his attitude new or has it been going on a long time?

OP.

For ever? Thought he'd mature. Even when doing chores he's a drag ass with a dirty look on his face ... for as long as I can remember.

Well, have you tried telling him that the faster he makes good grades, gets a useful hobby, and gets into college, the faster he will be able to get the #&$# out of the house? If he just slacks along, he will be living with you on his case, for the foreseeable future. This motivated me like nothing else could.

Yes. He is obsessed about the idea of college and being out of the house. Not obsessed with effort to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the son of a friend of mine. Very lazy in high school. Failed the first college he attended with all D in every class. Went back home and suddenly declared he wanted to become a doctor. Went to community college, went to med school, and is now becoming an emergency doctor.

Lol. That's a 1 in 1,000,000 anecdote.

Not necessarily "1 in 1,000,000 ".

There are probably hundreds if not thousands of similar anecdotes, and I can pull a couple from my own extended family.

But as parents, our childrens' grades are our best/most/available gauge for success _in the moment_ ... .

I wonder how many of the parents in these anecdotes were accepting of their children's failures at the time? I know that in my family, there was much wringing of hands and furrowing of brows, to say the least. But Now the high school drop outs are all doing very well!