What do you do if you sense your teen is treading toward loser-ville?

[Anonymous]

I bend over backwards to make him care about school. He's been on Adderall for two years. He's just such a lazy student, ex. when he's supposed to be studying I'll catch him asleep in his room or hiding a cell phone or iPad mini on front of a book. He's too old for "everyone did bad on that" twice a week.

What even are the options for someone like my son? My oldest was a studious high school student and is pre-med, so I've never run into this.

[Anonymous]

Well eliminate words like loser from your lexicon.

Not everyone is good at school; accept that. Accept also that kids are different. He probably needs to learn how to manage his time better. Try a tutor for executive functioning.

Also, celebrate the things he does enjoy/is good at.

[Anonymous]

Mom here. DS is the same way. He's great at history, so we give him high 5s for that. I get super annoyed, for sure. But, TBH, I was the same as a teen. I found myself after college-and applied to and was conditionally accepted into grad school. 20 years later and I'm a former college professor and now run my own show. Everyone blooms at their pace.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Ideally, a small liberal arts college. I graduated in 4 years (did summer session) and attended 3 colleges before graduating with a BA with a focus in psychology.

[Anonymous]

I'd never call him a loser. But he's so lazy and in denial about his laziness and I catch him lying about everything. He hates school. Hates reading. Hates every subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never call him a loser. But he's so lazy and in denial about his laziness and I catch him lying about everything. He hates school. Hates reading. Hates every subject.

Does he have any hobbies or interests?

[Anonymous]

If school isn't his thing how about trade school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never call him a loser. But he's so lazy and in denial about his laziness and I catch him lying about everything. He hates school. Hates reading. Hates every subject.

Does he have any hobbies or interests?

No. Obsessed with hangin' and goofin' with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If school isn't his thing how about trade school?

Never understood people who say this. Lazy is lazy. A lazy unorganized unmotivated slacker isn't suddenly going to be an HVAC or plumbing wizard, are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If school isn't his thing how about trade school?

Never understood people who say this. Lazy is lazy. A lazy unorganized unmotivated slacker isn't suddenly going to be an HVAC or plumbing wizard, are they?

Some people just aren't into school. I have a cousin that just did not do well in school at all, but makes a good living as a certified mechanic. He loves it, and studies a lot to keep advancing, get new certifications, etc. Another younger cousin kept a 2.0 to play in the band. He is now a decorated Army Ranger and helicopter pilot. Everyone has to find their thing - for some, it isn't school.

[Anonymous]

You mention Adderall but was he diagnosed with other LDs? Sounds like more is going on. Or maybe the undiagnosed ADHD until high school has put him behind and he'd rather look lazy than try and then fail.

If there are no underlying issues then you need to change his schedule a bit. Take away the ipad. Have him do his homework in the dining room or kitchen. Establish work times and relaxing times - 45 mins of work with a 15 minute break or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never call him a loser. But he's so lazy and in denial about his laziness and I catch him lying about everything. He hates school. Hates reading. Hates every subject.

Does he have any hobbies or interests?

No. Obsessed with hangin' and goofin' with friends.

I guess the Jackass guys had to start somewhere--and they have at least made a career out of hanging and goofing.

[Anonymous]

Make him get a job.

[Anonymous]

I bend over backwards to make him care about school. He's been on Adderall for two years. He's just such a lazy student, ex. when he's supposed to be studying I'll catch him asleep in his room or hiding a cell phone or iPad mini on front of a book. He's too old for "everyone did bad on that" twice a week.

He sounds similar to my sopohomore ADHD DS - he only likes math and music, he does minimal effort on homework and no studying (although his grades are As and a few Bs in subjects he hates like French). We just have him schedule his classes according to the amount of work he is realistically willing to put into it. So he takes honors math & science and might take some AP in those subjects, but he's doing just 3 years of language and will likely stick with regular level English throughout high school.

I find that things are actually worse if I try to make him do his HW at a certain time or place. The school day was PLENTY of structure for him. So I don't care if he wants to take a nap before he practices and does his work, but I expect it to be done if it's something that has to be turned in or a test that he actually needs to study for.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just lazy. They drop out, never work and slack off the rest of their lives. I have a family full of these people. I don't think you can make someone change. You can however not enable them. Don't pay for a car, or phone. Make them earn the money. In regards to school you can't do much . You can't study or take the tests for him.