My married daughter seems headed for disaster. Help.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the litigator-slash-cheerleader post is a load of horseshit. It reads like some kind of mommy version of Penthouse Forum. Don't waste any time feeling bad for the kids involved...they do not exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on let's be real here. A man who married a woman at size 0 isn't going to be happy that she's an 18 now. Yes there are chubby chasers out there but someone who married a woman at 0 probably isn't one of them. Just being realistic. If she was working and earning her own money and could support herself and children (with some child support), that would be a different story. But that's not what the OP described.

Exactly. Remember the cushy life that OP described:

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs.

Wow. SAHM, with not just a home and cars, but "clubs" and "cruises" as well. And she was a size zero and has gone up to 18 in just seven years?

That means OP's son-in-law has serious market value; he's loaded and a real catch.

I knew a guy in this kind of position. He was so brilliant, a star in our field, kindhearted, generous, and a wonderful father. And yes, he was very easy on the eyes . But he was married, and that was that.

Then his wife came to the firm's Christmas party, and I was absolutely shocked. She was much like what the OP describes her DD to be. Snide, rude, snobbish, and FAT. It was absolutely ludicrous to see how she acted, and how she treated everyone. But the way she treated ME was absolutely outrageous. I know as a, shall we say, "non-partner" you're not supposed to cross swords with a partner's spouse (never mind a partner). But when she denigrated my sideline job (I'm a pro sports team cheerleader), I looked her in the eye and told her there was no way I was going to stand for her treating me AND my friends in that area so dismissively, no matter WHAT the cost to my career. I then turned and walked out of the party.

He came in that Saturday (we both had litigation heading toward trial) and apologized to me for his wife. We got to talking, and I treated BOTH of them with compassion. That seemed to take him off-guard, and he told me all about how his wife had been in the sister sorority to his fraternity. He said she had been thin and lovely UNTIL they got married. He said he didn't know who she was, and that he was so grateful to me for being so forgiving and understanding, and how much he respected me.

Here's the thing. The rule I had about staying away from married men. This was the exception, after I got a load of her. I walked out having decided that I was going to have her husband.

So over the next couple of months we would go get coffee, or a bite to eat together as we worked late on our cases. I made sure I dressed a little sexier, wore heels a little higher, etc. Then as our schedules freed up he arranged to have me assigned to a case he was on. At that point it was only a matter of time.

That time came when we had to travel to a settlement conference on the West Coast. We were able to settle, and it was time to celebrate. I told him I'd meet him at the steakhouse near the hotel, and to get us a table as I needed to call sick Aunt to wish her a happy birthday (a little white lie ).

I walked in, and not just his but EVERY man's jaw dropped. Well, that's what happens when you're a pro sports cheerleader, all dolled-up wearing a "West Coast Leather" minidress and a pair of Louboutins as you strut through the restaurant. I played to his ego, praised him for being such a lovely person, and told him how joyful I was that we had the chance to go to a club together afterward.

We did so, and I really draped myself over him at said club, as a man with a shrew like his wife will die at being the envy of every man at a place like that. After a while I told him I had to use the restroom, and when I did so I removed my, well, you can guess. I then came back out and gave him the first kiss--a hot, deep, wet one right on the edge of the dance floor. He responded as I knew he would, and it was on.

We extended the trip a couple of days, and then came home. He got his affairs ( ) in order, and served his wife with divorce papers by the end of the week. We got married as soon as the divorce was final, and have full custody of the two kids since she's such a shrew and, you know, I'm a SAHM now!

So yeah, OP, in other words, your DD needs to get her s*** together.

LOL, thank you, this was hilarious. I especially liked the part where you got custody because his wife was a "shrew". Who knew that was cause for sole custody? LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've ran into this with my sister and there's nothing you can do. If she were anorexic instead of obese, you'd have an intervention and put them in a treatment center. Obese just gets treated more as a lifestyle thing and we that we should accept it. I believe they're just two sides to the same coin and both are just as unhealthy (although anorexia is immediately more life threatening).

I've never considered this perspective, and I agree. Both will kill you, why not approach obesity with the same level of concern?

You don't have a weight problem, I'm guessing.

My husband is obese. He gained about 100 pounds in a year. He has a terrible thyroid problem, among other issues.

He knows that it's not good to be that heavy. This is not something that folks are unaware of. He is on meds, he has tried watching what he eats. He would really, really appreciate if strangers and others would stop giving him advice on how he'd be so much "healthier" if only he did xyz or abc.

I'm sure your daughter is aware that she has gained weight. I can almost guarantee that she wishes she were lighter. I can also almost guarantee she has tried to lose weight and will probably try again.

Without a doubt, she does not need you to tell her you think her marriage is in trouble. Or to watch what she is eating. Or to do anything else you are contemplating, in order to "help."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried too OP. I don't know wht the PPs are smoking. Size 0-18 is a recipe for disaster for her own HEALTH let alone her marriage. Ger her to a therapist, asap.

What, by kidnapping her? She is a grown person. She gets to make her own decisions - even when you don't like them

[Anonymous]

Folks, this was clearly a troll post.

[Anonymous]

OP instead if focusing on the weight can you approach her with concern about her moods and inability to keep a job? Say you notice she seems unhappy and ask if there is anything you can do to help her- even if it's just to listen to her and let her vent. She sounds very unhappy- you don't know what goes on behind closed doors- maybe her husband is not the white knight you are making him out to be.. Or maybe it's something else but it sounds like she could use some therapy. Don't mention the weight Im sure she is aware and ashamed about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on let's be real here. A man who married a woman at size 0 isn't going to be happy that she's an 18 now. Yes there are chubby chasers out there but someone who married a woman at 0 probably isn't one of them. Just being realistic. If she was working and earning her own money and could support herself and children (with some child support), that would be a different story. But that's not what the OP described.

Exactly. Remember the cushy life that OP described:

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs.

Wow. SAHM, with not just a home and cars, but "clubs" and "cruises" as well. And she was a size zero and has gone up to 18 in just seven years?

That means OP's son-in-law has serious market value; he's loaded and a real catch.

I knew a guy in this kind of position. He was so brilliant, a star in our field, kindhearted, generous, and a wonderful father. And yes, he was very easy on the eyes . But he was married, and that was that.

Then his wife came to the firm's Christmas party, and I was absolutely shocked. She was much like what the OP describes her DD to be. Snide, rude, snobbish, and FAT. It was absolutely ludicrous to see how she acted, and how she treated everyone. But the way she treated ME was absolutely outrageous. I know as a, shall we say, "non-partner" you're not supposed to cross swords with a partner's spouse (never mind a partner). But when she denigrated my sideline job (I'm a pro sports team cheerleader), I looked her in the eye and told her there was no way I was going to stand for her treating me AND my friends in that area so dismissively, no matter WHAT the cost to my career. I then turned and walked out of the party.

He came in that Saturday (we both had litigation heading toward trial) and apologized to me for his wife. We got to talking, and I treated BOTH of them with compassion. That seemed to take him off-guard, and he told me all about how his wife had been in the sister sorority to his fraternity. He said she had been thin and lovely UNTIL they got married. He said he didn't know who she was, and that he was so grateful to me for being so forgiving and understanding, and how much he respected me.

Here's the thing. The rule I had about staying away from married men. This was the exception, after I got a load of her. I walked out having decided that I was going to have her husband.

So over the next couple of months we would go get coffee, or a bite to eat together as we worked late on our cases. I made sure I dressed a little sexier, wore heels a little higher, etc. Then as our schedules freed up he arranged to have me assigned to a case he was on. At that point it was only a matter of time.

That time came when we had to travel to a settlement conference on the West Coast. We were able to settle, and it was time to celebrate. I told him I'd meet him at the steakhouse near the hotel, and to get us a table as I needed to call sick Aunt to wish her a happy birthday (a little white lie ).

I walked in, and not just his but EVERY man's jaw dropped. Well, that's what happens when you're a pro sports cheerleader, all dolled-up wearing a "West Coast Leather" minidress and a pair of Louboutins as you strut through the restaurant. I played to his ego, praised him for being such a lovely person, and told him how joyful I was that we had the chance to go to a club together afterward.

We did so, and I really draped myself over him at said club, as a man with a shrew like his wife will die at being the envy of every man at a place like that. After a while I told him I had to use the restroom, and when I did so I removed my, well, you can guess. I then came back out and gave him the first kiss--a hot, deep, wet one right on the edge of the dance floor. He responded as I knew he would, and it was on.

We extended the trip a couple of days, and then came home. He got his affairs ( ) in order, and served his wife with divorce papers by the end of the week. We got married as soon as the divorce was final, and have full custody of the two kids since she's such a shrew and, you know, I'm a SAHM now!

So yeah, OP, in other words, your DD needs to get her s*** together.

ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP instead if focusing on the weight can you approach her with concern about her moods and inability to keep a job? Say you notice she seems unhappy and ask if there is anything you can do to help her- even if it's just to listen to her and let her vent. She sounds very unhappy- you don't know what goes on behind closed doors- maybe her husband is not the white knight you are making him out to be.. Or maybe it's something else but it sounds like she could use some therapy. Don't mention the weight Im sure she is aware and ashamed about it.

My SIL started gaining weight when she married her DH. Things looked perfect on the outside (all those trappings of material wealth you mention), but he was steadily turning into an abuser. He criticized her about everything: looks, intelligence, housekeeping, her job, and when the kids came, how she could do better as a mom. Later the abuse turned physical. I don't know what is going on with your DD, OP, but her weight is a symptom, not the cause. Her self-esteem is probably at a low point and the last thing she wants is for anyone to take pics of her and to criticize her weight. If you were a caring person, you would already know that.

[Anonymous]

This is a husband wife story.

If I were the wife I'd tell Casanova to get the fuck out of my house and find him a trophy slut.

Just sign over half your check because the kids and I are not going to live on zero.

Have a good life. And next time you have kid visitation, bring pastries you sorry bastard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs. She objects to any hint their marriage may be affected by her weight. He won't level with her but is clearly withdrawing (he used t post pix of them together, no more). Anything I say just seems to make her eating worse. Any suggestions?

Has husband told her that her weight is affected my their marriage? Whether he has or hasnt, it's THEIR business. Big mistake to make it yours.

My father's been dead a couple of years, but I stopped speaking to him four years before that after he offered me money, in front of my husband, to lose weight. And no, I still don't regret that decision. It was just a few months after I'd had a a baby at 40 and I think I screamed something by about that, but I don't remember.

If you want to help, have a conversation about what she needs. Let her tell you. Start with babysitting her kids (or paying for one) while she takes some time for herself to don't whatever she wants. But don't in any way hint, probe or push weight loss on her as something that's ruining her life. You will ruin your relationship with her, I promise.

that was not a nice thing for him to say, but a relationship ender? You are tough.

It was the final straw piled up on a lot of hurtful things he'd said, including an apology to my husband - in front of me - for me not turning out the way he'd wanted when he and my mom had adopted me. You see, it had been his bright idea to adopt a little girl because they'd only had a son, their marriage was failing, and my dad thought a girl would lighten her up a bit - both physically and emotionally. It was against my mother's will and once I'd grown out of the cute stage, around age eight, she left my dad, cleaning out the house one day after he left for work, and a few months later told me I was a burden she didn't want anymore. I went to live with my dad the next day and he spent the next 10 years trying to correct all the things he'd found wrong with my mother.

All these "corrections" took on a bit of urgency when his health started failing. He thought my weight was going to drive my husband away and leave me destitute and he wanted to save me from the mistakes of his ex-wife.

So yeah. I'd had enough of all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

That is an accurate representation of her weight gain and it continues to increase at a similar rate. She says she is happy with her body and does not see any reason why she should be concerned. I think she's headed for diabetes.

I watch her boys at least a couple days a week so she can have time off from them. She often goes shopping for new clothes and has recently started buying and wearing maternity clothes, though she's not pregnant. She had her tubes tied. I've offered to pay for her to see a specialist to get some help with her weight gain. She has refused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has gain a tremendous amount of weight, and what you're worried about is that her husband won't want to be married to her? what in God's earth would she listen to you when your priorities are so out of whack?

Uh, because mom doesn't want her DD to be obese AND destitute?

THIS!!!!

[Anonymous]

MYOB!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

That is an accurate representation of her weight gain and it continues to increase at a similar rate. She says she is happy with her body and does not see any reason why she should be concerned. I think she's headed for diabetes.

I watch her boys at least a couple days a week so she can have time off from them. She often goes shopping for new clothes and has recently started buying and wearing maternity clothes, though she's not pregnant. She had her tubes tied. I've offered to pay for her to see a specialist to get some help with her weight gain. She has refused.

She's probably depressed and needs counseling. Focusing on her weight as the only problem she needs to resolve is not going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he doesn't post her pic because she is now camera shy. I'm like that now at size 18.

s.
Not at all camera shy. She just paid a photographer to take loads of family pictures which she posted all over Facebook. He posted pix of the boys.