My married daughter seems headed for disaster. Help.

[Anonymous]

As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom she is an adult now, if you believe heading the wrong sometimes it's best to leave it alone let her make her mistakes and learn from it. People don't change because you tell them too, they change when they want to. Don't even give her any any advise until she comes to you for help.

Is the husband a beta male or something. Is he scared of her? Why isn't he communicating his concerns to her instead of you? If he was repulsed by her weight I'm sure he would be cheating on her or divorced her. Seems like if they divorced it's because of poor communication between both of them and not her weight.

So, she's an adult and "people don't change because you tell them to", and OP shouldn't say anything, but her husband is a "beta" if he doesn't confront her about her weight? And if he hasn't cheated or divorced her then he must not be unhappy or less attracted to her? Hmm.

(P.s. only douchebags talk about people in terms of "alphas" and "betas". Just a heads up.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

It totally depends on where clothes were bought and when. I have some sizes 0s and some size 8s. I usually wear a 2 or a 4. I couldn't wear an 18, but I can't categorically say I couldn't wear a 10.

[Anonymous]

My sister was obese. For years, we tried to get her to eat healthy, exercise, etc. All it did was make her angry with us - nothing ever changed because we wanted it to. She finally, on her own and without our help, decided she needed to change. And, she did it.

Bottom line: the change needs to come from within. It cannot be pushed on by others.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has gain a tremendous amount of weight, and what you're worried about is that her husband won't want to be married to her? what in God's earth would she listen to you when your priorities are so out of whack?

[Anonymous]

I like how people are all up in arms that a size 18 is so unhealthy, but aren't even in the least concerned that at the size 0, OPs daughter may have been just as unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

I totally get why you're concerned and I would be too, but there doesn't seem to be a lot you can do. You've already brought it up and she didn't take it well. She had to do it for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

It totally depends on where clothes were bought and when. I have some sizes 0s and some size 8s. I usually wear a 2 or a 4. I couldn't wear an 18, but I can't categorically say I couldn't wear a 10.

NP here. This is purposefully obtuse. We are not talking 4 to 8 here. We're talking 0 to 18. We're talking Bethenny Frankel to Melissa McCarthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her marriage is headed for disaster because of her weight? He won't "level" with her? He's clearly withdrawing because he doesn't post pictures any more?

Could you possibly project any more? You sound like a dreadful person. Seriously. If you can't deal with your daughter's weight, get therapy.

Maybe he's busy raising his kids...

OP sounds like a narcissist and a bitch. She needs to MYOB in a big way.

[Anonymous]

If this were my daughter, I would be freaking out over a possible medical cause, like hypothyroidism or something else, or a psychiatric cause such as depression. Gaining that much weight seems to me incredible and very concerning.

And to the other PP who stopped talking to her father when he offered her money to lose weight, I hope it was the last straw, because that comment doesn't sound that bad.

[Anonymous]

Marriage license should come with a contract with set expectations like weight gain for women and infidelity.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/love-contracts-demands-weight-drugs-cheating-sex-article-1.1362310

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has gain a tremendous amount of weight, and what you're worried about is that her husband won't want to be married to her? what in God's earth would she listen to you when your priorities are so out of whack?

Uh, because mom doesn't want her DD to be obese AND destitute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage license should come with a contract with set expectations like weight gain for women and infidelity.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/love-contracts-demands-weight-drugs-cheating-sex-article-1.1362310

I agree! I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your spouse to maintain a healthy weight. You're kidding yourself if you say that you would still be attracted to your spouse if they gained 80+ pounds, or that it wouldn't affect your relationship. If you don't think there is a problem here, then you are probably a spouse that has gained a lot of weight and is trying to make yourself feel better.

[Anonymous]

I've ran into this with my sister and there's nothing you can do. If she were anorexic instead of obese, you'd have an intervention and put them in a treatment center. Obese just gets treated more as a lifestyle thing and we that we should accept it. I believe they're just two sides to the same coin and both are just as unhealthy (although anorexia is immediately more life threatening).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a matter of perspective - 0 to 18 is in the range of 65-75 lb. she's gained 50% of her body weight. That's so unhealthy.

It totally depends on where clothes were bought and when. I have some sizes 0s and some size 8s. I usually wear a 2 or a 4. I couldn't wear an 18, but I can't categorically say I couldn't wear a 10.

NP here. This is purposefully obtuse. We are not talking 4 to 8 here. We're talking 0 to 18. We're talking Bethenny Frankel to Melissa McCarthy.

Fwiw, I went from 4 to 16 in the past 5 years with fertility treatments and two pregnancies. I'm not happy about it, but it's not a 65-75 lb gain. I'm 5'2".