My married daughter seems headed for disaster. Help.

[Anonymous]

Something is wrong if she gained that much weight that quickly. The prickly at work is also a major sign that something is amiss. I wouldn't worry about the marriage, but I would worry about your daughter. It sounds like she could possibly be depressed or need some sort of counseling. If you have a close relationship, you should ask her if she's happy, would she consider getting some help, etc. If she is letting herself and her work go, the grandchildren will also feel the affects of whatever the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Fwiw, I went from 4 to 16 in the past 5 years with fertility treatments and two pregnancies. I'm not happy about it, but it's not a 65-75 lb gain. I'm 5'2".

A 4 to a 16 is probably more like 40 lbs right? OP's daughter started two sizes smaller and is now one larger, which is where 65-75 lbs comes from.

PP here. Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, this was clearly a troll post.

She gained the weight eating lightly fried spiced tuna, is that what you're saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, this was clearly a troll post.

Not at all. I live five minutes from daughter. I'm helping as much as I can. She's still ordered fried chicken when I took her out for dinner and a movie. I DO NOT want her to land on my doorstep but that appears where we're headed. Her husband is an earner but couldn't maintain her lifestyle after a divorce. This situation promises to affect my life almost as much as hers so I think my concerns are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs. She objects to any hint their marriage may be affected by her weight. He won't level with her but is clearly withdrawing (he used t post pix of them together, no more). Anything I say just seems to make her eating worse. Any suggestions?

Stays at home
Two young children
Husband is off at work
Weight gain
Worsening prickly personality.
Possible marital issues.
Mother who is concerned, possibly butting in but means well.

Sounds likes cries for help. She and her husband need to start individual and/or couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, this was clearly a troll post.

She gained the weight eating lightly fried spiced tuna, is that what you're saying?

I called troll at Grandma's "posting pix" verbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he doesn't post her pic because she is now camera shy. I'm like that now at size 18.

s.
Not at all camera shy. She just paid a photographer to take loads of family pictures which she posted all over Facebook. He posted pix of the boys.

wow, this sounds bad.

[Anonymous]

Why are you more worried about her weight than her possible personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs. She objects to any hint their marriage may be affected by her weight. He won't level with her but is clearly withdrawing (he used t post pix of them together, no more). Anything I say just seems to make her eating worse. Any suggestions?

Have you tried calling her tubby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you more worried about her weight than her possible personality disorder?

oh please. OP is worried that her daughter is ruining her life (it's not just weight, it's work and marriage) and she is actually probably correct. furthermore it seems that OP will bear at least some cost of the very likely ruin.

[Anonymous]

I'm always curious about why people feel the need to "say something" about someone else being overweight.

Do you think your DD is not aware that she is overweight? Most people who are obese are painfully aware and ashamed of it, which tends to perpetuate the cycle.

Telling her that you are concerned about her weight is almost guaranteed to backfire and damage your relationship.

I would just try to hint to her, gently, that you sense that she is stressed and unhappy and that you are there for her if she needs someone. Don't even bring up the weight. The weight is a symptom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always curious about why people feel the need to "say something" about someone else being overweight.

Do you think your DD is not aware that she is overweight? Most people who are obese are painfully aware and ashamed of it, which tends to perpetuate the cycle.

Telling her that you are concerned about her weight is almost guaranteed to backfire and damage your relationship.

I would just try to hint to her, gently, that you sense that she is stressed and unhappy and that you are there for her if she needs someone. Don't even bring up the weight. The weight is a symptom.

bullshit. weight is the problem. not the only problem but a big problem which also causes other problems and reinforces itself. fat people are not eating because they have some other problems, but because they are bored and food is cheap and tasty. it's easier being fat than skinny so there does not need to exist some special explanation for why someone gained weight. if anything, the mystery is how come not everyone is fat.

[Anonymous]

As much as it may hurt you OP to see this radical change in your daughters weight, I think it best if you let her deal w/this all on her own.
She is a grown-up now & needs to live her own life, challenges & all!

If it makes you feel better ask her if she would like to sign up for a Zumba or Barre class w/you.

Or invite her to the courts for a game of tennis.
Even let her know that you are in need of a regular morning walking partner.

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DDis a SAHM with two sweet little boys and a husband who has provided everything, home, clubs, cruises, cars etc. She has gone from size 0 to 18 in seven years and has a prickly personality that cost her several jobs. She objects to any hint their marriage may be affected by her weight. He won't level with her but is clearly withdrawing (he used t post pix of them together, no more). Anything I say just seems to make her eating worse. Any suggestions?

Why not talk to him about keeping his wedding vows, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you more worried about her weight than her possible personality disorder?

oh please. OP is worried that her daughter is ruining her life (it's not just weight, it's work and marriage) and she is actually probably correct. furthermore it seems that OP will bear at least some cost of the very likely ruin.

I am serious. She sounds like she has a mental illness if she his losing jobs due to her behavior. The weight gain is a symptom, not the problem.