DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex.

Great post. For women that do want sex at 55 it's not with a 55 year old, they would want much younger which isn't reality.

I went to a function with a lot of women awhile back, somehow Viagra became the discussion and I will tell you "most" wished they had a anti-Viagra, lol
One said a few stiff drinks for her dh usually did the trick, omg...Another suggested maybe Viagra was invented by women since it gave so many men heart attacks and other health problems.

I believe there are a lot of women who solely have sex to keep the marriage going knowing it is a requirement. It's something a lot of women won't talk about or admit, but I think it's a high number; if not the majority of women.

+1M

[Anonymous]

If she is depressed Wellbutrin prescribed by her doctor will probably help. Over the counter HGH supplements for women will also help. The two combined together will really ramp things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex.

Great post. For women that do want sex at 55 it's not with a 55 year old, they would want much younger which isn't reality.

I went to a function with a lot of women awhile back, somehow Viagra became the discussion and I will tell you "most" wished they had a anti-Viagra, lol
One said a few stiff drinks for her dh usually did the trick, omg...Another suggested maybe Viagra was invented by women since it gave so many men heart attacks and other health problems.

I believe there are a lot of women who solely have sex to keep the marriage going knowing it is a requirement. It's something a lot of women won't talk about or admit, but I think it's a high number; if not the majority of women.

This is why I have so few female friends. I'm 50 and my sex drive is almost as high as it ever was. Granted, I'd rather have sex with a 50 something year old guy that I work with than with my 52 year old husband, but no, my sex drive isn't centered around being a cougar to some young guy. If women are losing their sex drive in menopause, exercise more, relax more, read more erotica. What's more stimulating than sex? C'mon ladies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But things change, people change. Maybe her idea of "having sex" is something that happens less often, or something that does not come before all the other chores and responsibilities that make a life and a family with kids run smoothly.

And you know what? THAT"S OKAY.

You know you live in a patriarchy when people literally try to frame "not wanting to have sex" as if it is some kind of selfish, cruel crime.

YOU ARE NOT OWED SEX. NOT BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT BY YOUR SPOUSE.

So if that was the reason you got married- well, you made a poor life choice!

Try to be mature, take control for your own orgasms, realize and internalize the fact that your wife has a different libido than you and that that is perfectly, 100% valid.

So you have changed and no longer want sex? Or it's at the bottom of your priority list?
I can't force you to have sex with me. I can (and will) make my ongoing sexual needs heard.
I won't just give up silently. Just because, to you, sex is obsolete, does not make it so for me.
At the end of the day, I will not "rape" you and you can certainly choose to have little to no sex.
But that decision costs you my fidelity. I will not be celibate on your account.

"Needs". Sex is not a need, despite the efforts of men throughout history to get it thought of as such.

It's nice, sure. It can make you feel closer to a person.

But it's not a requirement for life.

It's not about giving up, it's about reframing your expectation of what constitutes a relationship. It's about considering her perspective in this issue. It's about not putting your WANT to have sex above her bodily autonomy.

It's about finding other ways to relieve that tension, of finally admitting that your wife has a different libido than you, and that that's okay, and that you do not get to have sex from someone who doesnt want it.

It's about reversing the sexual entitlement that you, as a male, have been taught since birth. It's about question whether this indeed the "desperate need" you have built up in your mind, or simply a disagreement, another aspect of your relationship where you see things differently, and not automatically assuming that your way is the correct one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

Ha, same guy keeps posting his fantasy. For heaven's sake if you're married or committed get divorced or breakup and date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

Ha, same guy keeps posting his fantasy. For heaven's sake if you're married or committed get divorced or breakup and date.

You are naive if you think no one is in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

He's fine. We understand each other well after 25 years of marriage and having gone through a lot of very difficult times together. Way more difficult than what you portray as a problem.

But thank you for your concern for him, I'll pass it along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But things change, people change. Maybe her idea of "having sex" is something that happens less often, or something that does not come before all the other chores and responsibilities that make a life and a family with kids run smoothly.

And you know what? THAT"S OKAY.

You know you live in a patriarchy when people literally try to frame "not wanting to have sex" as if it is some kind of selfish, cruel crime.

YOU ARE NOT OWED SEX. NOT BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT BY YOUR SPOUSE.

So if that was the reason you got married- well, you made a poor life choice!

Try to be mature, take control for your own orgasms, realize and internalize the fact that your wife has a different libido than you and that that is perfectly, 100% valid.

So you have changed and no longer want sex? Or it's at the bottom of your priority list?
I can't force you to have sex with me. I can (and will) make my ongoing sexual needs heard.
I won't just give up silently. Just because, to you, sex is obsolete, does not make it so for me.
At the end of the day, I will not "rape" you and you can certainly choose to have little to no sex.
But that decision costs you my fidelity. I will not be celibate on your account.

"Needs". Sex is not a need, despite the efforts of men throughout history to get it thought of as such.

It's nice, sure. It can make you feel closer to a person.

But it's not a requirement for life.

It's not about giving up, it's about reframing your expectation of what constitutes a relationship. It's about considering her perspective in this issue. It's about not putting your WANT to have sex above her bodily autonomy.

It's about finding other ways to relieve that tension, of finally admitting that your wife has a different libido than you, and that that's okay, and that you do not get to have sex from someone who doesnt want it.

It's about reversing the sexual entitlement that you, as a male, have been taught since birth. It's about question whether this indeed the "desperate need" you have built up in your mind, or simply a disagreement, another aspect of your relationship where you see things differently, and not automatically assuming that your way is the correct one.

I know someone whose husband got ED. She said it was the best thing that happened in their marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But things change, people change. Maybe her idea of "having sex" is something that happens less often, or something that does not come before all the other chores and responsibilities that make a life and a family with kids run smoothly.

And you know what? THAT"S OKAY.

You know you live in a patriarchy when people literally try to frame "not wanting to have sex" as if it is some kind of selfish, cruel crime.

YOU ARE NOT OWED SEX. NOT BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT BY YOUR SPOUSE.

So if that was the reason you got married- well, you made a poor life choice!

Try to be mature, take control for your own orgasms, realize and internalize the fact that your wife has a different libido than you and that that is perfectly, 100% valid.

So you have changed and no longer want sex? Or it's at the bottom of your priority list?
I can't force you to have sex with me. I can (and will) make my ongoing sexual needs heard.
I won't just give up silently. Just because, to you, sex is obsolete, does not make it so for me.
At the end of the day, I will not "rape" you and you can certainly choose to have little to no sex.
But that decision costs you my fidelity. I will not be celibate on your account.

"Needs". Sex is not a need, despite the efforts of men throughout history to get it thought of as such.

It's nice, sure. It can make you feel closer to a person.

But it's not a requirement for life.

It's not about giving up, it's about reframing your expectation of what constitutes a relationship. It's about considering her perspective in this issue. It's about not putting your WANT to have sex above her bodily autonomy.

It's about finding other ways to relieve that tension, of finally admitting that your wife has a different libido than you, and that that's okay, and that you do not get to have sex from someone who doesnt want it.

It's about reversing the sexual entitlement that you, as a male, have been taught since birth. It's about question whether this indeed the "desperate need" you have built up in your mind, or simply a disagreement, another aspect of your relationship where you see things differently, and not automatically assuming that your way is the correct one.

I hope you were upfront with your husband about all of this before you married him. If not I truly feel for the poor guy, to have a wife so dismissive of him. And please rest assured yours is not an attitude that all women share, even women of a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

Ha, same guy keeps posting his fantasy. For heaven's sake if you're married or committed get divorced or breakup and date.

I truly think some men think this is the penthouse forum and the place here they can write their fantasies.

And.. surprise, surprise... it usually involves a man getting lots of sexy sexy times and the mean old woman who wouldnt have sex with him ending up lonely and regretting how cruel she was....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she ever had her hormone levels checked? A lot of women have low testosterone and don't even know it. I should know-- I seriously thought I was frigid or had something seriously wrong with me until I demanded blood work. 20 mg of testosterone every week has changed my life and sex life dramatically.

How do you get your testosterone? Gel, cream, pill?
Any doctor recs? I asked my GYN and she said they don't prescribe that 'here',
that I'd have to go to an 'alternative doctor'.

If I had a scrip name though she'd probably go for it.

I still have a healthy sex drive but as menopause is lurking the idea of losing the drive really freaks me out - I love intimacy with my husband

PP here. I take it via injection, which took a lot of convincing on my part (most docs will push for the gel, but it doesn't work as well). Where are you located?
A lot of ob-gyns are shockingly ignorant about this issue; WaPo did an article about it awhile back and the level of responses it got suggests that plenty of women struggle with this and are not being taken seriously, which is a shame.
If your ob-gyn won't prescribe it, there are TONS of docs in the DMV who are more than happy to deal with TRT issues--most have male clients as their bread & butter, but they know what's up with women, too. You'll probably be paying out of pocket for the visit, but insurance should cover blood work and any prescriptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What is prompting me to write this is that I was just rejected again as I reached over to try and initiate something, anything. I got the good old...I'm too tired...Need to get some sleep..."

So, this may be your problem.

Imaging her writing this post:

I've done my wind down from the busy day, read to get my mind off of everything, slip slowly into the bliss of sweet sleep in my comfy bed, giant dreamy smile of content on my face, I'm drifting off ... then, out of the blue, a hand plops onto my hip implying, wake up and get your motor running NOW!

That is a huge downer.

Change up your routine. Turn her on before she turns it off for the night. Make an effort to turn her on, and not when she's half asleep. Women do not have on/off switches; you need to ramp it up.

The reason she is there for you in the morning shower is that she is awake!

This is ridiculous. Regular sex is an important part of a healthy marriage - it's an obligation. You make it sound like it's a prize awarded to a husband for good behavior.

No, not at all. I obviously agree it is important. I disagree that one is obligated to perform on demand when one is not in the mood, let alone asleep! That would be crazy and terribly unhealthy for a marriage, to say the least. The point is that OP seems to be picking his DW's worst possible time to engage and so he isn't getting anywhere (which seems pretty obvious, so it is odd they haven't discussed this). Why on earth is he waiting until she is going to sleep? They need to find a time that works for both of them. As another PP pointed out, getting each other in the mood is a huge, healthy, and rewarding part of sex in your marriage. And as your lifestyle changes and the older you get, the more important it is, as the over-50 crowd and the newly-adjsuting-to-parenthood crowd have been pointing out.

And I have no idea where you got your last sentence from, unless you consider wooing and foreplay and changing up your bedroom (or shower) routine "good behavior" that is "rewarded" with sex ... most people consider it an important part of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

Ha, same guy keeps posting his fantasy. For heaven's sake if you're married or committed get divorced or breakup and date.

I truly think some men think this is the penthouse forum and the place here they can write their fantasies.

And.. surprise, surprise... it usually involves a man getting lots of sexy sexy times and the mean old woman who wouldnt have sex with him ending up lonely and regretting how cruel she was....

It's quite sad imo. That someone suggested a prescription is beyond belief. My doctor tells us you want to stay off as many meds as possible since almost all have side effects. To try and have their wife take a pill because she doesn't want to have sex is big time denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand sex? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship. Sex is a legitimate and normal need and while it is sad that one must elevate to making "demands" in order to be taken seriously, that is a logical next step.


Cheat? I would not call it cheating if a wife refuses to participate in the physical intimacy of a normal marriage. One cannot both demand monogamy and deny sex at the same time.

Oh please never an excuse to cheat, women do it to and it's just as wrong. He won't help enough around the house, doesn't take out the garbage, doesn't help with the kids..blah blah. Yes both need to be monogamous. There are choices, compromise, counseling, or get divorced and then date. No one has the right to expose someone to a deadly disease or bring some outsider nut upon their family.

OP sounds like a nice guy, overall it's seems like a good marriage. I believe he said they are in their 50's. As you age, the attraction may not be there. I had a few older friends and they weren't interested in men over 45-50 physically though they loved their husbands. That's why some older men pick young women because they wouldn't be attracted to women their age. The younger ones want the money and the older guy is ok paying for that.

I suspect OP's wife isn't attracted, nothing can change that.

This is probably spot-on.

I don't know how old OP's DW is, but can tell you that at 55yo I have lost most interest in sex. From an evolutionary standpoint this seems logical to me.

[b]I often wonder why there are so many proposed fixes for women with low libidos to make them want sex, and no proposed fixes for men with higher libidos to make them want less sex. [b]

Because a regular sexual relationship is wonderful and fulfilling. You have that kind of relationship usually with just one person and it's special and wonderful?
Why would you want to take that away? You sound very far gone!

I'm not far-gone. I am just a menopausal woman without much interest in sex.

I'm fine with occasional maintenance sex, it's not like I've thrown in the towel for good. I am not fine, however, with being told that I have to want it, be more enthusiastic, be more [whatever]. I'll compromise and expect some compromise in return.

You're just like my AP's wife. He thought he'd made peace with having only maintenance sex the rest of his life, but then we got together and surprise! a passionate, romantic, creative sex life that both people are enthusiastic about is infinitely more fulfilling. Your poor husband.

Ha, same guy keeps posting his fantasy. For heaven's sake if you're married or committed get divorced or breakup and date.

I truly think some men think this is the penthouse forum and the place here they can write their fantasies.

And.. surprise, surprise... it usually involves a man getting lots of sexy sexy times and the mean old woman who wouldnt have sex with him ending up lonely and regretting how cruel she was....

It's quite sad imo. That someone suggested a prescription is beyond belief. My doctor tells us you want to stay off as many meds as possible since almost all have side effects. To try and have their wife take a pill because she doesn't want to have sex is big time denial.

Oh no, but dont you realize? Men's sexual satisfaction is so much more important than women's health.

Actually, testosterone has been proven to take as many as ten years off a woman's life.

But it is TOTALLY WORTH that missed decade when you think that her husband will get to be regularly laid. I mean, hello!!!