DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe any of the advice you are being given is going to help you. I think it is all good advice in general for trying to rekindle passion that was once there. By your description, your wife has never had what most people would consider a normal libido.

The good news is she is willing to have quickies with you/for you. You say that is a result of your having a conversation. What she is telling you by offering more quickies is that she loves you and wants to see you happy but she just isn't into sex or needs it the way you do. (whether she would be more into sex with a new man is an irrelevant question unless you want to open your marriage). You say she enjoys sex when you have quickies. Great. It's better than nothing.

You need to accept your wife is just really low drive. Quickies are going to be as good as it gets. That is the price of admission for remaining married to her. It would depress me too, I don't think I would stay married/faithful under those circumstances. But you are only going to feel more frustrated trying to fix her when she isn't broken, it's just how she is.

That goes for anything in a marriage. I'm sure there are things about him she isn't thrilled about. If you don't like a aspect that won't change you don't cheat, you compromise. Apparently, most is working in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

How so you compromise on sex? Isn't in on thehierarchy of needs?

[Anonymous]

afterninetonight.com has some great articles

you need to talk to her in non threatening place (outside of bedroom) and see what she says and how you can help her.

try marriage counseling

[Anonymous]

She Lunda too comfortable in the marriage, like she can have her way without negative impact. Shake things up a bit. Sex is necessary, whether a person wants it or not. DW here who stepped it up a notch when DS said he couldn't take it anymore. 17 yrs and going strong.

[Anonymous]

Lunda = is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She Lunda too comfortable in the marriage, like she can have her way without negative impact. Shake things up a bit. Sex is necessary, whether a person wants it or not. DW here who stepped it up a notch when DS said he couldn't take it anymore. 17 yrs and going strong.

DS?

[Anonymous]

Oh, I am so sympathetic to you. I am a DW and my DH never initiates. I think he likes what we do when we do it, but he never initiates and often just seems plain old uninterested. We are working on this in therapy now.

Have you told your DW it actually hurts you to not feel like you are an object of desire for her, and that you NEED her to make this a priority, plan for it, and take action? That just giving you quickies in the shower makes you feel like she is not into it and is treating it like a chore?

You said you are going on a family vacation--do you ever go on a vacation that's just the two of you? If she likes massages (you say she booked one), how about you start giving her massages at home? If you don't know how, read a book or watch a video or something. You need to mix things up. And make it clear that you are interested in *her* and that you want to know what's going on inside her and why things are the way they are. You need to make it clear you are not happy and that you guys could have a much closer relationship.

[Anonymous]

Has she ever had her hormone levels checked? A lot of women have low testosterone and don't even know it. I should know-- I seriously thought I was frigid or had something seriously wrong with me until I demanded blood work. 20 mg of testosterone every week has changed my life and sex life dramatically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She Lunda too comfortable in the marriage, like she can have her way without negative impact. Shake things up a bit. Sex is necessary, whether a person wants it or not. DW here who stepped it up a notch when DS said he couldn't take it anymore. 17 yrs and going strong.

DS?

Don't worry about pp, she's just a little drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What is prompting me to write this is that I was just rejected again as I reached over to try and initiate something, anything. I got the good old...I'm too tired...Need to get some sleep..."

So, this may be your problem.

Imaging her writing this post:

I've done my wind down from the busy day, read to get my mind off of everything, slip slowly into the bliss of sweet sleep in my comfy bed, giant dreamy smile of content on my face, I'm drifting off ... then, out of the blue, a hand plops onto my hip implying, wake up and get your motor running NOW!

That is a huge downer.

Change up your routine. Turn her on before she turns it off for the night. Make an effort to turn her on, and not when she's half asleep. Women do not have on/off switches; you need to ramp it up.

The reason she is there for you in the morning shower is that she is awake!

This is ridiculous. Regular sex is an important part of a healthy marriage - it's an obligation. You make it sound like it's a prize awarded to a husband for good behavior.

LMAO!!!! It's an "obligation" to have sex? What is this, sexual slavery? Um, no, that's not how it works, despite the fact that that may be some male fantasy.

People get to have sex when they feel like it, and only then. Of course, a partner may choose to leave the marriage due to lack of sex but that is 100% on them and it's not up to anyone else to "lie back and think of England" so their spouse can get their rocks off.

Only men have these absurd expectations. It's actually disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always amazes me no one ever asks if maybe it's not at the top of the list. Some people don't like ice cream, or candy so I assume it's the same with sex. I've known people where it's at the bottom of the list. There's men who won't communicate or for-fill their wife's needs, yet expect her to for-fill theirs.

It could be a lot of things, possibly she is tired from a busy life. She may feel it's more chore she doesn't need at the end of the day. It may be as other posters suggested she's not attracted. Happens as people age, they can still love their partner but not be as attracted.

If you have good communication, finances are stable, and everything else is working you're doing pretty good imo.

Exactly. I mean, I can masturbate and have an amazing orgasm. Unfortunately for most women, PIV sex just doesnt do it for them.

So it's pretty damn selfish to expect them to carve out however many minutes per night, when they are exhausted, to sit their idly and basically have you use their body as a masturbation tool.

If you REALLY cared about her pleasure and enjoyment of sex, you would realize that she is OKAY WITH NOT HAVING, and you would back the hell off. If you want more sex, you can try to make yourself more appealing, try to do things so she wont be as tired.

But what you really need to do is ACCEPT that her libido is different from yours and you'll probably have to just jerk off if you want that orgasm. Women are not robots, we can not immediately ramp up sexual desire when we JUST DON'T HAVE IT. So if she doesnt have any for you, accept that and either try to create some or let it the hell go. Unless you really think it's hot to a wife who clearly dreads being touched by you.

[Anonymous]

OP you're dealing with a typical sex-denying wife.

This is a woman who has been raised and acculturated to believe that a large measure of her power as a woman, with men, and specifically in the marriage, comes through manipulating men and in this case you via denial of sex.

She's never going to change after 23 years because it's about power, not sex, to her, and she doesn't even consciously understand it (nor do you).

She probably is not attracted to you very much either, but at this point, that may be because she lacks any respect for you--a husband who would be so dominated in the marriage that he would be a functional eunuch for its entire duration.

No woman respects a eunuch.

You have no choice but to fuck other women if you want satisfaction and to get your wife's respect. She'll hate you and might divorce you, but at least she'll finally respect you.

And that's got to be worth something, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What is prompting me to write this is that I was just rejected again as I reached over to try and initiate something, anything. I got the good old...I'm too tired...Need to get some sleep..."

So, this may be your problem.

Imaging her writing this post:

I've done my wind down from the busy day, read to get my mind off of everything, slip slowly into the bliss of sweet sleep in my comfy bed, giant dreamy smile of content on my face, I'm drifting off ... then, out of the blue, a hand plops onto my hip implying, wake up and get your motor running NOW!

That is a huge downer.

Change up your routine. Turn her on before she turns it off for the night. Make an effort to turn her on, and not when she's half asleep. Women do not have on/off switches; you need to ramp it up.

The reason she is there for you in the morning shower is that she is awake!

This is ridiculous. Regular sex is an important part of a healthy marriage - it's an obligation. You make it sound like it's a prize awarded to a husband for good behavior.

LMAO!!!! It's an "obligation" to have sex? What is this, sexual slavery? Um, no, that's not how it works, despite the fact that that may be some male fantasy.

People get to have sex when they feel like it, and only then. Of course, a partner may choose to leave the marriage due to lack of sex but that is 100% on them and it's not up to anyone else to "lie back and think of England" so their spouse can get their rocks off.

Only men have these absurd expectations. It's actually disgusting.

Are you OP's wife?

Of course marital sex is an obligation. You sign up for it when you marry someone. If you don't like them enough to want to have sex with them on a regular basis, then you shouldn't have got married to them.

It's like any other committment. Do you know what a commitment is hon? No I'll bet you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you're dealing with a typical sex-denying wife.

This is a woman who has been raised and acculturated to believe that a large measure of her power as a woman, with men, and specifically in the marriage, comes through manipulating men and in this case you via denial of sex.

She's never going to change after 23 years because it's about power, not sex, to her, and she doesn't even consciously understand it (nor do you).

She probably is not attracted to you very much either, but at this point, that may be because she lacks any respect for you--a husband who would be so dominated in the marriage that he would be a functional eunuch for its entire duration.

No woman respects a eunuch.

You have no choice but to fuck other women if you want satisfaction and to get your wife's respect. She'll hate you and might divorce you, but at least she'll finally respect you.

And that's got to be worth something, right?

Someone who does not have sex with you is just trying to get control over you? Hmmm. Is that how you rationalize being rejected by so many women over the years?


OP, do not take any advice from this MRA wannabe with issues with women. Not if you ever wanna have sex with another woman ever again. Avoid these losers like the plague...

[Anonymous]

His post gave me a good chuckle for the day! Especially the part, the no sex means she's trying to control him, bahaha!