How to handle a (hopefully) temporary separation period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Seriously... not everyone behaves like a character from Half Baked when high but if your only experience with this is from watching movies I can see how you'd think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Seriously... not everyone behaves like a character from Half Baked when high but if your only experience with this is from watching movies I can see how you'd think so.

I disagree. It's easy to be annoyed by high or drunk people when you are sober. They act dumber than usual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Just look for the man boobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Seriously... not everyone behaves like a character from Half Baked when high but if your only experience with this is from watching movies I can see how you'd think so.

I disagree. It's easy to be annoyed by high or drunk people when you are sober. They act dumber than usual.

Some of them, sure. Not all. I have been smoking 20 years and no one knows unless I tell them.
You will now say that's not true but I'm telling you it is and have no reason to lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh honey. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

First thing first, OP. Get that infant into daycare. aYou are going to need it anyway when he's gone and it will take away the whole I'm a SAHP thing pay me extra support and alimony your DH is (likely) going to pull when you are in a divorce proceeding. Second, get good childcare because your children are being cared for by a pothead. That doesn't bode well.

Third, you need to get to an attorney asap. They will give you a road map to follow to protect your assets and children, including what type of documentation would be helpful in a child custody proceeding.

Finally, go to therapy. Alone. You need to take a beat and look into how you can be the most stable caregiver for your children.

He gave up his dreams to support her and take care of the children so she can have the freedom to work, build her career, seek after her dreams. She owe him half the marital assets after all, he contributed at least 50% to the marriage and she couldn't earn the money without the support he provided her. The value of all the work he does every day has a dollar value that I'm sure she never compensated him for. She should step up and be a woman and own the fact that he should get half and because he is the primary parent he should get primary custody. She should move out of the house because she is the earning spouse but pay for all the current expenses of the household during the separation and divorce. This is how it is typically done. Why should she get to stay in the house and keep all the assets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't he have a job? Sounds like a loser. And is he high all day looking after your 7 month old??

Why is a parent who choses to stay home and raise their child a "loser?" There are plenty of female parents who chose to stay home with their children and support their spouse so the spouse has the freedom to work and follow their work dreams. Sounds like the OP is getting the benefit of a SAH so she can work. He is doing it for her. Remember, the one working is the one who reaps the benefit of the SAH, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. I, too, grew up with a parent who used marijuana regularly, and I hated it. It made me feel like the pot was more important than parenting me. I realized later in life that if I had felt well cared for in loved in general, the pot may not have bothered me so much. Just some food for thought.

My question is: did you know about your DH's pot use when you got married? You said it wasn't how you envisioned your married/co-parenting life. Did your DH know that, though? Or was it just your thought/assumption that that's how things would go? If you never agreed on it pre-marriage, I could see how he might think it was unfair that he is expected to change. Yes, he agreed to change his habits, but did he have another choice at that point?

I don't think I would be okay with it either, honestly, but that doesn't really seem like the issue. The issue is that your DH was dishonest. But, did he feel backed into a corner of promising to cut down his use, like he had no other choice? Something to think about, as it does matter how the two of you came to this agreement.

You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine. If it's you, just know that you are an amazing person, mother and friend. Your family has been through such a hard time recently, I hope you and DH can really cut each other some slack. And I know your DH is an awesome person, father, and husband too! We all have our flaws.

As this thread has developed, I was slightly concerned that someone would realize who I am. The reason I sought anonymous advice was because I don't want any of my family/friends to think anything negative about my DH, because he is an amazing person deep down who is going through a tough time. I hope you don't mind if I open up our own discussion here (if my DH's initials are SM, do you know mine?)

First -- your leading observation took my breath away. You put into words what I've never been able to. "It made me feel that pot was more important than [loving/supporting/being an involved partner to] me." This explains the visceral reactions I have, the complete breakdowns this leads to, and my inability to approach this situation in a rational/detached manner. Now that I have words for this, I can start working on it and healing this emotional channel. Thank you anonymous friend -- seriously, thank you.

Second -- with your observation, I can put my situation into better words. My emotions tell me that I can't live with him smoking pot because I feel abandoned, alone, unsupported, untethered, and vulnerable to complete and total destruction. His actions tell me that he can't/won't give it up. So what do I do? What should I be thinking about? How can he and I get through this?

Third -- to answer your questions. I did not know about my DH's pot use when we met/dated/got married. I knew it had been a part of his past, but it wasn't something he did during the first 5 years of our relationship. I am pretty sure I told him about my marijuana stance before 2011. But, if not, that is when my dad issues wedged themselves into my life. My DH watched me cry and breakdown as my dad spent our wedding weekend high out of his mind, then chose marijuana over his stable life, manipulating me to give him thousands of dollars that (I found out later) dad used to fund his marijuana operation, eventually leading to his arrest/jail/living with DH and me while on probation/depression/death. If there was any doubt about how I felt about marijuana and the harm it caused in my life, these events should have cleared it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP might want to consider whether her controlling and uptight attitude is contributing to if not actually causing the problem. We're talking about a SAHD with a lawyer wife who actually has the gall to suggest that she gets to make the decision on where he should live during a separation because she's the breadwinner? Imagine if she were a guy with a SAHM for a wife; how many people would let him get away with saying such a thing.

My reading between the lines is that we are talking about a guy with an overbearing and demanding lawyer wife who has emasculated him more than a little bit and is driving him to smoke a little weed to get through the day.

I'm reading something similar, like they moved for his job and he was forced into being a SAHD due to the circumstances, now he's self medicating because he's bored/depressed. I've been there. OP has probably never smoked pot and doesn't realize how mild it can be

If you need to self medicate to get through the day, then you aren't equipped to care for kids and you likely aren't contributing much to the family. You're likely more of a liability than an asset. Who needs that?

Would you say the same about parent who have a drink/cigarette/half a pie at the end of the day?

Hey!! these days society has evolved to know that "shaming" people for bad behavior such as eating half a pie every night and being over weight is wrong. The others, although legal, are ok to bash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. I, too, grew up with a parent who used marijuana regularly, and I hated it. It made me feel like the pot was more important than parenting me. I realized later in life that if I had felt well cared for in loved in general, the pot may not have bothered me so much. Just some food for thought.

My question is: did you know about your DH's pot use when you got married? You said it wasn't how you envisioned your married/co-parenting life. Did your DH know that, though? Or was it just your thought/assumption that that's how things would go? If you never agreed on it pre-marriage, I could see how he might think it was unfair that he is expected to change. Yes, he agreed to change his habits, but did he have another choice at that point?

I don't think I would be okay with it either, honestly, but that doesn't really seem like the issue. The issue is that your DH was dishonest. But, did he feel backed into a corner of promising to cut down his use, like he had no other choice? Something to think about, as it does matter how the two of you came to this agreement.

You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine. If it's you, just know that you are an amazing person, mother and friend. Your family has been through such a hard time recently, I hope you and DH can really cut each other some slack. And I know your DH is an awesome person, father, and husband too! We all have our flaws.

As this thread has developed, I was slightly concerned that someone would realize who I am. The reason I sought anonymous advice was because I don't want any of my family/friends to think anything negative about my DH, because he is an amazing person deep down who is going through a tough time. I hope you don't mind if I open up our own discussion here (if my DH's initials are SM, do you know mine?)

First -- your leading observation took my breath away. You put into words what I've never been able to. "It made me feel that pot was more important than [loving/supporting/being an involved partner to] me." This explains the visceral reactions I have, the complete breakdowns this leads to, and my inability to approach this situation in a rational/detached manner. Now that I have words for this, I can start working on it and healing this emotional channel. Thank you anonymous friend -- seriously, thank you.

Second -- with your observation, I can put my situation into better words. My emotions tell me that I can't live with him smoking pot because I feel abandoned, alone, unsupported, untethered, and vulnerable to complete and total destruction. His actions tell me that he can't/won't give it up. So what do I do? What should I be thinking about? How can he and I get through this?

Third -- to answer your questions. I did not know about my DH's pot use when we met/dated/got married. I knew it had been a part of his past, but it wasn't something he did during the first 5 years of our relationship. I am pretty sure I told him about my marijuana stance before 2011. But, if not, that is when my dad issues wedged themselves into my life. My DH watched me cry and breakdown as my dad spent our wedding weekend high out of his mind, then chose marijuana over his stable life, manipulating me to give him thousands of dollars that (I found out later) dad used to fund his marijuana operation, eventually leading to his arrest/jail/living with DH and me while on probation/depression/death. If there was any doubt about how I felt about marijuana and the harm it caused in my life, these events should have cleared it up.

Hi friend! Yes, I know you. Would you like to know which friend I am? It is up to you, whatever you are comfortable with.

I feel kind of bad about ruining the anonymity you sought. Just know that I pass zero judgment. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. We all go through our own sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. I, too, grew up with a parent who used marijuana regularly, and I hated it. It made me feel like the pot was more important than parenting me. I realized later in life that if I had felt well cared for in loved in general, the pot may not have bothered me so much. Just some food for thought.

My question is: did you know about your DH's pot use when you got married? You said it wasn't how you envisioned your married/co-parenting life. Did your DH know that, though? Or was it just your thought/assumption that that's how things would go? If you never agreed on it pre-marriage, I could see how he might think it was unfair that he is expected to change. Yes, he agreed to change his habits, but did he have another choice at that point?

I don't think I would be okay with it either, honestly, but that doesn't really seem like the issue. The issue is that your DH was dishonest. But, did he feel backed into a corner of promising to cut down his use, like he had no other choice? Something to think about, as it does matter how the two of you came to this agreement.

You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine. If it's you, just know that you are an amazing person, mother and friend. Your family has been through such a hard time recently, I hope you and DH can really cut each other some slack. And I know your DH is an awesome person, father, and husband too! We all have our flaws.

As this thread has developed, I was slightly concerned that someone would realize who I am. The reason I sought anonymous advice was because I don't want any of my family/friends to think anything negative about my DH, because he is an amazing person deep down who is going through a tough time. I hope you don't mind if I open up our own discussion here (if my DH's initials are SM, do you know mine?)

First -- your leading observation took my breath away. You put into words what I've never been able to. "It made me feel that pot was more important than [loving/supporting/being an involved partner to] me." This explains the visceral reactions I have, the complete breakdowns this leads to, and my inability to approach this situation in a rational/detached manner. Now that I have words for this, I can start working on it and healing this emotional channel. Thank you anonymous friend -- seriously, thank you.

Second -- with your observation, I can put my situation into better words. My emotions tell me that I can't live with him smoking pot because I feel abandoned, alone, unsupported, untethered, and vulnerable to complete and total destruction. His actions tell me that he can't/won't give it up. So what do I do? What should I be thinking about? How can he and I get through this?

Third -- to answer your questions. I did not know about my DH's pot use when we met/dated/got married. I knew it had been a part of his past, but it wasn't something he did during the first 5 years of our relationship. I am pretty sure I told him about my marijuana stance before 2011. But, if not, that is when my dad issues wedged themselves into my life. My DH watched me cry and breakdown as my dad spent our wedding weekend high out of his mind, then chose marijuana over his stable life, manipulating me to give him thousands of dollars that (I found out later) dad used to fund his marijuana operation, eventually leading to his arrest/jail/living with DH and me while on probation/depression/death. If there was any doubt about how I felt about marijuana and the harm it caused in my life, these events should have cleared it up.

Now, to reply to the rest of your comments.

I'm so happy that my observation was able to help you. Growing up around a pot-smoking parent really was secondary to the other fears I had -- I did not feel physically safe, financially safe, or stable in any way. So, to see something happening that took away the precious resources I needed -- it was just another thing that was higher priority than me.

I guess I would ask how you think things would be if your DH didn't smoke pot. Do you think you would feel stable, secure, tethered, etc.? Do you think that's something else at play that is causing at least a part of your feelings?

It sounds like when he chooses to smoke pot, the message you are receiving is that he cares about it more than he cares about your feelings, and that he is irresponsible.

I have to say, I, too, would feel like my DH was choosing pot over my feelings, given all the situational details with your dad, and your DH watching how much it upset you. But, I know your husband is a good guy so I am prone to think he is not looking at it this way. Pot really is not a big deal to a lot of people.

One other question for you. Are you worried that your husband will use pot to deal with all of the grief your family has experienced recently, and spiral out of control? Would you feel better about occasional use if you knew he was taking care of and responsibility for his issues in other ways as well? (I.e., seeing a personal counselor, doing yoga or whatever it is that might help him relax).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Seriously... not everyone behaves like a character from Half Baked when high but if your only experience with this is from watching movies I can see how you'd think so.

I disagree. It's easy to be annoyed by high or drunk people when you are sober. They act dumber than usual.

Some of them, sure. Not all. I have been smoking 20 years and no one knows unless I tell them.
You will now say that's not true but I'm telling you it is and have no reason to lie.

Really? People don't know when you are high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. I, too, grew up with a parent who used marijuana regularly, and I hated it. It made me feel like the pot was more important than parenting me. I realized later in life that if I had felt well cared for in loved in general, the pot may not have bothered me so much. Just some food for thought.

My question is: did you know about your DH's pot use when you got married? You said it wasn't how you envisioned your married/co-parenting life. Did your DH know that, though? Or was it just your thought/assumption that that's how things would go? If you never agreed on it pre-marriage, I could see how he might think it was unfair that he is expected to change. Yes, he agreed to change his habits, but did he have another choice at that point?

I don't think I would be okay with it either, honestly, but that doesn't really seem like the issue. The issue is that your DH was dishonest. But, did he feel backed into a corner of promising to cut down his use, like he had no other choice? Something to think about, as it does matter how the two of you came to this agreement.

You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine. If it's you, just know that you are an amazing person, mother and friend. Your family has been through such a hard time recently, I hope you and DH can really cut each other some slack. And I know your DH is an awesome person, father, and husband too! We all have our flaws.

As this thread has developed, I was slightly concerned that someone would realize who I am. The reason I sought anonymous advice was because I don't want any of my family/friends to think anything negative about my DH, because he is an amazing person deep down who is going through a tough time. I hope you don't mind if I open up our own discussion here (if my DH's initials are SM, do you know mine?)

First -- your leading observation took my breath away. You put into words what I've never been able to. "It made me feel that pot was more important than [loving/supporting/being an involved partner to] me." This explains the visceral reactions I have, the complete breakdowns this leads to, and my inability to approach this situation in a rational/detached manner. Now that I have words for this, I can start working on it and healing this emotional channel. Thank you anonymous friend -- seriously, thank you.

Second -- with your observation, I can put my situation into better words. My emotions tell me that I can't live with him smoking pot because I feel abandoned, alone, unsupported, untethered, and vulnerable to complete and total destruction. His actions tell me that he can't/won't give it up. So what do I do? What should I be thinking about? How can he and I get through this?

Third -- to answer your questions. I did not know about my DH's pot use when we met/dated/got married. I knew it had been a part of his past, but it wasn't something he did during the first 5 years of our relationship. I am pretty sure I told him about my marijuana stance before 2011. But, if not, that is when my dad issues wedged themselves into my life. My DH watched me cry and breakdown as my dad spent our wedding weekend high out of his mind, then chose marijuana over his stable life, manipulating me to give him thousands of dollars that (I found out later) dad used to fund his marijuana operation, eventually leading to his arrest/jail/living with DH and me while on probation/depression/death. If there was any doubt about how I felt about marijuana and the harm it caused in my life, these events should have cleared it up.

Now, to reply to the rest of your comments.

I'm so happy that my observation was able to help you. Growing up around a pot-smoking parent really was secondary to the other fears I had -- I did not feel physically safe, financially safe, or stable in any way. So, to see something happening that took away the precious resources I needed -- it was just another thing that was higher priority than me.

I guess I would ask how you think things would be if your DH didn't smoke pot. Do you think you would feel stable, secure, tethered, etc.? Do you think that's something else at play that is causing at least a part of your feelings?

It sounds like when he chooses to smoke pot, the message you are receiving is that he cares about it more than he cares about your feelings, and that he is irresponsible.

I have to say, I, too, would feel like my DH was choosing pot over my feelings, given all the situational details with your dad, and your DH watching how much it upset you. But, I know your husband is a good guy so I am prone to think he is not looking at it this way. Pot really is not a big deal to a lot of people.

One other question for you. Are you worried that your husband will use pot to deal with all of the grief your family has experienced recently, and spiral out of control? Would you feel better about occasional use if you knew he was taking care of and responsibility for his issues in other ways as well? (I.e., seeing a personal counselor, doing yoga or whatever it is that might help him relax).

Thank you friend. I feel like I'm able to receive your advice (and be more open myself) if I remain anonymous for now. Tho I want you to tell me who you are once I'm on the other side of this so I can truly express my gratitude!

I feel secure and stable with DH, but the minute I find out he is smoking pot it's like that entire foundation crumbles immediately. An instant trigger. I think this further reinforces that this is a deep issue that likely existed long before DH.

And yes. When he chooses to smoke the MessagePad reaffirmed that pot is more important than me and more important than this life he and I have built together. It's what makes me want to end things, because he can't/won't put my needs first on this one.

Then I think about the other effects of living with a daily smoker. What happens when we travel? Either need to secure marihuana source or deal with a grumpy and irritable spouse. Always feel like at the end of the day he is looking at the clock counting the minutes until he can be done with "family/wife time" and go get high. Worried about how to explain it to our children one day.

And then separately I worry about it being out of control due to his addiction background. But that is actually not the driving fear and emotion - it's a mere blip on the screen right now.

I am sitting at work totally unable to concentrate. Sick to my stomach. Dreading going home at 4 to switch off childcare. At a loss as to how to even get through until tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

You are probably around people who have recently smoked all the time without realizing it. It's not all refer madness just like everyone who has a drink doesn't get frat boy wasted.

Seriously... not everyone behaves like a character from Half Baked when high but if your only experience with this is from watching movies I can see how you'd think so.

I disagree. It's easy to be annoyed by high or drunk people when you are sober. They act dumber than usual.

Some of them, sure. Not all. I have been smoking 20 years and no one knows unless I tell them.
You will now say that's not true but I'm telling you it is and have no reason to lie.

Really? People don't know when you are high?

Really. Do it everyday, never comes up. Eyes don't get red, don't "act stupid", don't act any different outwardly but helps my anxiety inwardly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP might want to consider whether her controlling and uptight attitude is contributing to if not actually causing the problem. We're talking about a SAHD with a lawyer wife who actually has the gall to suggest that she gets to make the decision on where he should live during a separation because she's the breadwinner? Imagine if she were a guy with a SAHM for a wife; how many people would let him get away with saying such a thing.

My reading between the lines is that we are talking about a guy with an overbearing and demanding lawyer wife who has emasculated him more than a little bit and is driving him to smoke a little weed to get through the day.

I'm reading something similar, like they moved for his job and he was forced into being a SAHD due to the circumstances, now he's self medicating because he's bored/depressed. I've been there. OP has probably never smoked pot and doesn't realize how mild it can be

If you need to self medicate to get through the day, then you aren't equipped to care for kids and you likely aren't contributing much to the family. You're likely more of a liability than an asset. Who needs that?

He's the father, not something that can be determined as either a liability or an asset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guest room, but honestly I wouldn't end a marriage over smoking weed.

This is a legit reason to end a marriage. Why wouldn't it....??! Who wants to be married to someone who likes to inhale this stuff into their lungs daily thus creating a person who not only wants to eat everything in the pantry, but also laughs at everything and everyone for no good reason, all while sitting on the couch w/glassy and bloodshot eyes. Wow...Real winner there. A real catch. Not.

OP, like you stated, there is also the issue of deception, betrayal and addiction here. These are all huge dealbreakers in any relationship, romantic or not.

People who need to smoke weed daily are addicts in my opinion.

Anyway, that being said...I say stick to your guns. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms will you take him back unless he seeks professional help with his drug problem. He already had a warning and blew it. If he gets defensive and refuses, then you know how dedicated he is to your marriage and family sadly.

Re: His living situation...Can you afford to hire a provider to watch the kids while you work?? If so, great. If not, you will still need him around for childcare so you may have no other choice but to let him continue living on the property. The guest house will work for now.

Good luck.

Serious question- you've never smoked pot before, have you? Or at least more than a once or twice in high school? I just don't understand why people think smoking a little weed is any different than having a glass of wine after the kids go to bed.