pretty sure my dh is cheating, what do i do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just to try to lighten things up - I found out my husband was cheating by finding a condom also - I was walking our dog and he pooped a condom out of his butt. It got stuck half way out, and I was like, what the H is this and I had to pull it the rest of the way out for him.

Turns out the other woman was coming to our house and they were having sex in our bed, and our dog gobbled up one of their used condoms. If it wasn't so devastating for me at the time, it would have been pretty funny.

This is now one of my all-time favorite DCUM posts.

Wow! Can I just ask if your mind immediately went to cheating? I guess I would assume my dog had found some garbage outside. Ugh, in your bed? So sorry PP!

Not really, it was very surreal. But, when I started thinking about it - I only walked our dog in our own back yard which is privacy fenced, so I was pretty sure she didn't get a hold of and eat a condom from our back yard. It prompted me to check my husband's text messages and emails on his phone, wherein I found out about everything. He actually married her, but ended up cheating on her from what I heard, and getting divorced again. At the time I was destroyed, but I can definitely laugh about it now!

Good for you! And awesome of your dog!!

Did you get the dog in the divorce?

haha, I did!

[Anonymous]

OP, pleeeeeease come back and update after this all goes down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any possible explanation you can think of?

If my husband had looked through my lunchbag a few weeks ago he'd have found a crapload of condoms...that I took from work to give to my 17 year old godson who was going off to college for a summer program.

No there is no explanation. At all.

When I found condoms in my exh's glove box, he told me, "oh, my buddy so-and-so must have put them there". Liar.

Maybe he was holding them for a friend, who was going to use them for a recycled art project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any possible explanation you can think of?

If my husband had looked through my lunchbag a few weeks ago he'd have found a crapload of condoms...that I took from work to give to my 17 year old godson who was going off to college for a summer program.

No there is no explanation. At all.

When I found condoms in my exh's glove box, he told me, "oh, my buddy so-and-so must have put them there". Liar.

Maybe he was holding them for a friend, who was going to use them for a recycled art project.

lol, or maybe some gremlins stashed them there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, pleeeeeease come back and update after this all goes down!

Hahah signs of reality TV and Facebook drama not being enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Should i tell dh that i found the condoms or just ask him if hes cheating on me and wait to see what he says? This is happening tonight, I can't wait.

OP, and I'm not asking to be snarky, what do you want out of this conversation? Are you trying to get more information out of him? If so, what information? Do you think he's likely to be honest, or that you're likely to be able to trust what he says? Are you looking to just see how he reacts? Are you looking for an opportunity to vent? What is your goal here?

A little more info would help me give more advice on how to structure the conversation.

Ideally I would like him to admit that he is cheating although this is not going to happen most likely. So actually i dont know what i am looking for. Mostly i think i am looking to relieve me of keeping the condoms a secret? I dont know honestly. This just happened and i am a mess.

PP again -- my honest advice would be to try your best to sort out what you want out of this conversation before you have it. Think about what you want and how likely the conversation is to give it to you. You may never get him to admit he is cheating, if he is. Take that off the table. What's left? What's left of your marriage? What's left that you need to make a decision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just to try to lighten things up - I found out my husband was cheating by finding a condom also - I was walking our dog and he pooped a condom out of his butt. It got stuck half way out, and I was like, what the H is this and I had to pull it the rest of the way out for him.

Turns out the other woman was coming to our house and they were having sex in our bed, and our dog gobbled up one of their used condoms. If it wasn't so devastating for me at the time, it would have been pretty funny.

This is now one of my all-time favorite DCUM posts.

+1 it's definitely a classic. Stuff like this cannot be made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a bit of a panick here and need some advice. I found condoms in my husband's gym bag. We do not use condoms. Do i confront him now or wait for more evidence? And if i wait, how do i get the evidence? If i say something now, he will just deny it and make some excuse - they are old, i didnt even know they were there, i use them to masterbate. Ive been down this road before, unfortunately.

Any help? I am not thinking straight.

If he genuinely claims that he uses condoms to masturbate, that would be the weirdest goddamn thing I've ever heard. I wouldn't be able to call a divorce lawyer because I'd be dead laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This is not true for everyone. People can and do change but that is a choice.

OP, I suggest putting a tracking app on their phone or GPS tracker under their car seat. You can install a keylogger program on their computer to trace emails/PMs/chat activity.
Sit back and collect the evidence for two reasons: He can't deny it with proof and you'll have peace of mind one way or the other. Hang in there

Don't do this. This isn't his first rodeo, and he's probably gotten better at covering his tracks anyway. What if OP finds nothing but he discovers the tracking app/GPS tracker/keylogger? Then she gets to deal with accusations of being crazy, on top of the suspicions that her husband is cheating.

OP, find someplace to stay this weekend (a friend's house, a hotel, whatever). Confront him tonight and tell him you and your child are leaving for the weekend so that he can pack and move, but you expect him to be out by 3 pm on Sunday.

I would NOT leave my house, can't this have implications in the divorce? I would tell him HE needs to leave now, but can come and pack on sunday/whatever day. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. If you have a baby, you need to do what's best for the baby which is 1) not stay long term with a cheater but 2) stay long enough to figure out the real deal and get the best settlement possible. If #2 means that you have to suck up and hide your hurt and act fake, then for the sake of your child, do that.

I have been in your shoes. I opened a letter from the doctor's office that my now exDH left lying on the mail table for months. The contents made it clear that he had had sex while we were married. Even though my evidence was incontrovertible, I bided my time. I began to go thru cell phone bill records -- looking at and googling all unknown phone numbers as well as looking at call times. I reviewed charges on our joint credit cards. I peeked at his cell from time to time. I put a key logger on our home computer. I kept track of he mileage on the car and compared it to where he said he was going. I searched coat pockets periodically for receipts.

What I found was eye-opening. There was, of course, far more going on than I knew and it was all seriously troubling. When I finally confronted him, I shared some pieces of evidence I found and I withheld others. He begged me to stay, and I said I would consider it if he told the whole truth and we got counseling.

Sadly, he chose to continue to hide the truth from me, tell me more lies and ultimately, I kicked him out. Although that period after finding out was HELL, in retrospect, I'm really glad I had the strength to not confront him immediately. From the day I kicked him out, I was able to look back and know that I made the only possible decision and that it was the absolute best one for me and my kids. I never was ensnared by his repeated attempts over the next few years to get back together, and I never had any doubts about the divorce. That was a priceless freedom, that I paid for in part by the very high stress of keeping what I found secret and watching the lies unfold.

In the end, during our split, I finally disclosed more of the things I knew and the lies I had caught him in. Although this has absolutely no bearing on legal custody and support proceedings, psychologically it gave me a huge advantage. He didn't want me to tell all our friends and family about the real situation. He knew I had evidence (documents, screen shots, key logging, etc.) that I could disclose if he tried to tell people that the split was my fault. All of that gave me leverage to force him into a custody and child support settlement that I felt was best for me and the kids.

I really encourage you to get a grip on your emotions and use your brain to look for evidence and figure out what is going on. Then, based on what you find, you can talk with him.

This is really brilliant. I've never, ever suspected that my spouse is cheating on me, but this is excellent advice if I or anyone ever did.

[Anonymous]

poke a bunch of holes in them and put them back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a bit of a panick here and need some advice. I found condoms in my husband's gym bag. We do not use condoms. Do i confront him now or wait for more evidence? And if i wait, how do i get the evidence? If i say something now, he will just deny it and make some excuse - they are old, i didnt even know they were there, i use them to masterbate. Ive been down this road before, unfortunately.

Any help? I am not thinking straight.

I'm sorry, this has to be really hard. You say you have been down this road before, I am going to assume you mean he has a history of cheating.

I would ask him straight out "Why are there condoms in your gym bag?" He'll either say they are someone elses or that he is cheating. If he doesn't admit to cheating say "If you are cheating I want to know, so we can figure out where to go from here, so please just be honest"

Remember you can only control your actions here. If you don't want to be cheated on, either open up your marriage or dissolve it. You have to make the choice for yourself. He has already made the choice to be deceitful and disrespectful of you and your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:poke a bunch of holes in them and put them back

Wasn't there an urban legend about a woman who opened her cheating husbands condoms soaked them in the liquid that chilies are kept in (those jarred kind) and then put them back and sealed them up?

There is always that option OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:poke a bunch of holes in them and put them back

Wasn't there an urban legend about a woman who opened her cheating husbands condoms soaked them in the liquid that chilies are kept in (those jarred kind) and then put them back and sealed them up?

There is always that option OP.

I wonder if you could put red dye in them, like the kind they use for bank robberies. That way, he'd be caught "red dicked" if he used one of the condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, pleeeeeease come back and update after this all goes down!

Hahah signs of reality TV and Facebook drama not being enough

I'm not on FB and I don't watch reality TV! This is all the drama I have