pretty sure my dh is cheating, what do i do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

Me again, sorry if this came across as critical of you, it wasn't meant to be. I did the exact same thing with my ex many times before finally coming to reality and divorcing. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Any possible explanation you can think of?

If my husband had looked through my lunchbag a few weeks ago he'd have found a crapload of condoms...that I took from work to give to my 17 year old godson who was going off to college for a summer program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

No I know he is cheating. What I am trying to decide is to confront him now or wait for more evidence. But you right the choice is divorce or stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any possible explanation you can think of?

If my husband had looked through my lunchbag a few weeks ago he'd have found a crapload of condoms...that I took from work to give to my 17 year old godson who was going off to college for a summer program.

No there is no explanation. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

This is what I was getting at OP--you are not going to last two weeks until you can "catch" him, and trying to play nice on vacation is going to make you sick.

Even if you find no evidence on his phone, etc, and even if he has an excuse for the condoms, you are always going to wonder. You probably went through his gym bag because you were wondering.

So, decide if you are staying or going. If you're going, confront him now. If you're staying, it doesn't really matter if you confront him or not, but decide to stay.

At this point, I wouldn't recommend counseling or ultimatums. Just decide: can you live with this, or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to stay with him, or divorce?

Tough question righ now. I just want the truth from him and then move on from there. There is also a baby involved.

Was the baby before or after the first time he cheated on you?

Agree with others, look at phone, Facebook, and email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

Me again, sorry if this came across as critical of you, it wasn't meant to be. I did the exact same thing with my ex many times before finally coming to reality and divorcing. Good luck OP.

Thanks but you are fine. Just a really situation for me that i need to really face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any possible explanation you can think of?

If my husband had looked through my lunchbag a few weeks ago he'd have found a crapload of condoms...that I took from work to give to my 17 year old godson who was going off to college for a summer program.

No there is no explanation. At all.

When I found condoms in my exh's glove box, he told me, "oh, my buddy so-and-so must have put them there". Liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

This is what I was getting at OP--you are not going to last two weeks until you can "catch" him, and trying to play nice on vacation is going to make you sick.

Even if you find no evidence on his phone, etc, and even if he has an excuse for the condoms, you are always going to wonder. You probably went through his gym bag because you were wondering.

So, decide if you are staying or going. If you're going, confront him now. If you're staying, it doesn't really matter if you confront him or not, but decide to stay.

At this point, I wouldn't recommend counseling or ultimatums. Just decide: can you live with this, or not?

You are right. I wont last. I am already sick to my stomach. Something of mine went missing that was very odd because i dont loose things. I started tearing the room apart looking in every possible spot. And while i was looking i did a thourough check, and condoms. But yes ive always been wondering.

Thanks for advice. I need it. I cant think straight on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This is not true for everyone. People can and do change but that is a choice.

OP, I suggest putting a tracking app on their phone or GPS tracker under their car seat. You can install a keylogger program on their computer to trace emails/PMs/chat activity.
Sit back and collect the evidence for two reasons: He can't deny it with proof and you'll have peace of mind one way or the other. Hang in there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?

No I know he is cheating. What I am trying to decide is to confront him now or wait for more evidence. But you right the choice is divorce or stay.

If you know he is cheating, why do you need more evidence? You need to lay out the situations in your head and figure out if there's a chance you'll want to stay with him in any of them (e.g., if you confront him without more evidence, he admits it and agrees to more counseling?). If the answer is no, you want a divorce, then don't bother with evidence because you don't need it, just tell him you know he's cheating again and the marriage is over. If the answer is that you would stay even if he denies it or won't admit it without undeniable proof, well, you might as well just skip confronting him and get counseling for yourself on how to be comfortable in a marriage to someone who's sleeping with other women, because that's probably what's going to happen.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. Would it help if you, for now, think worst case and write down what you want to do about it? If he is cheating on you and you know for sure, what would you want to do? Write it down. Does it matter if it's a relationship or casual sex? Be strong and try to work out what you are willing to live with. It's so easy to be persuaded and made to question your own sanity. Concentrate on yourself now. What are your boundaries? Get strong in your own mind. Don't let him manipulate you.

[Anonymous]

OP, just to try to lighten things up - I found out my husband was cheating by finding a condom also - I was walking our dog and he pooped a condom out of his butt. It got stuck half way out, and I was like, what the H is this and I had to pull it the rest of the way out for him.

Turns out the other woman was coming to our house and they were having sex in our bed, and our dog gobbled up one of their used condoms. If it wasn't so devastating for me at the time, it would have been pretty funny.

[Anonymous]

OP ask him but don't accuse him. You deserve an answer now instead of waiting and playing the is he cheating game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just to try to lighten things up - I found out my husband was cheating by finding a condom also - I was walking our dog and he pooped a condom out of his butt. It got stuck half way out, and I was like, what the H is this and I had to pull it the rest of the way out for him.

Turns out the other woman was coming to our house and they were having sex in our bed, and our dog gobbled up one of their used condoms. If it wasn't so devastating for me at the time, it would have been pretty funny.

Op here! Lol thank you. Omg i cant even imagine.