pretty sure my dh is cheating, what do i do?

[Anonymous]

I can definitely see how you would want concrete proof that he will not be able to deny (or, at least, that any sane party would not be able to deny). If you confront him and leave him without that, he will play the victim and tell your family and friends you are crazy. You will know better (unless he is really adept at gaslighting and will be able to make you doubt yourself), but who knows what other people in your life will think. Now that you have a baby together you will be stuck with him in your life forever in one form or another. If it were me I would do whatever you can yourself to get proof, including hiring a private detective if possible. Maybe fake illness on the vacation so you don't have to pretend everything's OK.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you all for your insight. I suspect that i will ask him tonight and take it from there. I wont be able to wait for more evidence i dont think. And yes the real question is do i stay or go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This is not true for everyone. People can and do change but that is a choice.

OP, I suggest putting a tracking app on their phone or GPS tracker under their car seat. You can install a keylogger program on their computer to trace emails/PMs/chat activity.
Sit back and collect the evidence for two reasons: He can't deny it with proof and you'll have peace of mind one way or the other. Hang in there

Don't do this. This isn't his first rodeo, and he's probably gotten better at covering his tracks anyway. What if OP finds nothing but he discovers the tracking app/GPS tracker/keylogger? Then she gets to deal with accusations of being crazy, on top of the suspicions that her husband is cheating.

OP, find someplace to stay this weekend (a friend's house, a hotel, whatever). Confront him tonight and tell him you and your child are leaving for the weekend so that he can pack and move, but you expect him to be out by 3 pm on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. That's also how I busted my ex wife - I found Magnum Condoms in her purse along with a few hand written notes that left little question.

This wasn't her first time cheating and I can tell you that throwing her out was one of the toughest, yet most liberating things I have ever done. We didn't have kids though so it was a clean break.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Should i tell dh that i found the condoms or just ask him if hes cheating on me and wait to see what he says? This is happening tonight, I can't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This is not true for everyone. People can and do change but that is a choice.

OP, I suggest putting a tracking app on their phone or GPS tracker under their car seat. You can install a keylogger program on their computer to trace emails/PMs/chat activity.
Sit back and collect the evidence for two reasons: He can't deny it with proof and you'll have peace of mind one way or the other. Hang in there

Don't do this. This isn't his first rodeo, and he's probably gotten better at covering his tracks anyway. What if OP finds nothing but he discovers the tracking app/GPS tracker/keylogger? Then she gets to deal with accusations of being crazy, on top of the suspicions that her husband is cheating.

OP, find someplace to stay this weekend (a friend's house, a hotel, whatever). Confront him tonight and tell him you and your child are leaving for the weekend so that he can pack and move, but you expect him to be out by 3 pm on Sunday.

PP - she will need evidence to present to a lawyer should they end up separated.

[Anonymous]

def tell him you found the condoms. Just remain calm and don't accuse him simply ask why they are in there.

[Anonymous]

I would first just come out and ask if he has been unfaithful again. When he denies, which I'm sure he will, ask him why he has condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This is not true for everyone. People can and do change but that is a choice.

OP, I suggest putting a tracking app on their phone or GPS tracker under their car seat. You can install a keylogger program on their computer to trace emails/PMs/chat activity.
Sit back and collect the evidence for two reasons: He can't deny it with proof and you'll have peace of mind one way or the other. Hang in there

Don't do this. This isn't his first rodeo, and he's probably gotten better at covering his tracks anyway. What if OP finds nothing but he discovers the tracking app/GPS tracker/keylogger? Then she gets to deal with accusations of being crazy, on top of the suspicions that her husband is cheating.

OP, find someplace to stay this weekend (a friend's house, a hotel, whatever). Confront him tonight and tell him you and your child are leaving for the weekend so that he can pack and move, but you expect him to be out by 3 pm on Sunday.

PP - she will need evidence to present to a lawyer should they end up separated.

She will not necessarily need to present evidence in order to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would first just come out and ask if he has been unfaithful again. When he denies, which I'm sure he will, ask him why he has condoms.

Then, when he comes up with excuses, ask if he would mind showing you his email and text right now (not go away and wipe things first)? Or, if he'd prefer to just admit to something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would first just come out and ask if he has been unfaithful again. When he denies, which I'm sure he will, ask him why he has condoms.

Then, when he comes up with excuses, ask if he would mind showing you his email and text right now (not go away and wipe things first)? Or, if he'd prefer to just admit to something.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Should i tell dh that i found the condoms or just ask him if hes cheating on me and wait to see what he says? This is happening tonight, I can't wait.

OP, and I'm not asking to be snarky, what do you want out of this conversation? Are you trying to get more information out of him? If so, what information? Do you think he's likely to be honest, or that you're likely to be able to trust what he says? Are you looking to just see how he reacts? Are you looking for an opportunity to vent? What is your goal here?

A little more info would help me give more advice on how to structure the conversation.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him that you found condoms - I wouldn't withhold that otherwise you will just waste time. Is he doing anything else suspicious (not that the condoms aren't enough- they totally are)? Because if you had no clue before mentioning the condoms, it would seem odd to just ask if he's cheating.

Like PPs, I would also demand immediate access to his phone right then and there so he doesn't have time to erase anything. You think he is too tech savvy to leave a trail, but he did leave condoms around so clearly he's being somewhat careless.

[Anonymous]

When you check his phone, look for other text possibilities like WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype, ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Should i tell dh that i found the condoms or just ask him if hes cheating on me and wait to see what he says? This is happening tonight, I can't wait.

OP, and I'm not asking to be snarky, what do you want out of this conversation? Are you trying to get more information out of him? If so, what information? Do you think he's likely to be honest, or that you're likely to be able to trust what he says? Are you looking to just see how he reacts? Are you looking for an opportunity to vent? What is your goal here?

A little more info would help me give more advice on how to structure the conversation.

Ideally I would like him to admit that he is cheating although this is not going to happen most likely. So actually i dont know what i am looking for. Mostly i think i am looking to relieve me of keeping the condoms a secret? I dont know honestly. This just happened and i am a mess.