pretty sure my dh is cheating, what do i do?

[Anonymous]

I am in a bit of a panick here and need some advice. I found condoms in my husband's gym bag. We do not use condoms. Do i confront him now or wait for more evidence? And if i wait, how do i get the evidence? If i say something now, he will just deny it and make some excuse - they are old, i didnt even know they were there, i use them to masterbate. Ive been down this road before, unfortunately.

Any help? I am not thinking straight.

[Anonymous]

take them out. take a photo of how many are there. put them back. check again later and see how many are missing. then confront him.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. I'd be inclined to wait a bit and gather other evidence if you can. Can you look at email, text messages, etc? Maybe put a tracking app on his phone? I think there is a big chance he would cover up with a story. Could it be old (before your relationship) or have you been married for a while?

I hope it all works out.

[Anonymous]

You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

[Anonymous]

The conventional wisdom is don't confront or let on that you know until you have time to gather more definite evidence, as an early confrontation will cause him to go dark, eliminate your ability to confirm one way or the other, and deny everything, which will drive you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Yes I thought about that. The only problem with that is the next opportunity he has to cheat will be two weeks from now. And we are supposed to gomaway on a trip between now and then. Im not sure i can keep it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I thought about that. The only problem with that is the next opportunity he has to cheat will be two weeks from now. And we are supposed to gomaway on a trip between now and then. Im not sure i can keep it together.

That's tough. I think you need to get into the email/phone as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a bit of a panick here and need some advice. I found condoms in my husband's gym bag. We do not use condoms. Do i confront him now or wait for more evidence? And if i wait, how do i get the evidence? If i say something now, he will just deny it and make some excuse - they are old, i didnt even know they were there, i use them to masterbate. Ive been down this road before, unfortunately.

Any help? I am not thinking straight.

Man here. For what it's worth, I used to use condoms occasionally to masturbate. It's not uncommon. I don't anymore because we no longer use condoms and even if I were inclined to buy them for that purpose I'd not want to have to explain this to DW should she ever run across them. Sort of like this situation.

This isn't a defense of your DH, who I obviously don't know at all. But just know that it's certainly not outside the realm of possibility he has them for that purpose.

Either way I hope you get the answer. Not knowing would certainly drive me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I thought about that. The only problem with that is the next opportunity he has to cheat will be two weeks from now. And we are supposed to gomaway on a trip between now and then. Im not sure i can keep it together.

That's tough. I think you need to get into the email/phone as soon as possible.

Yes, i will get tot the phone. The thing is tat he is savvy with technology and not stupid enought to leave me something to find. Esp since he is on his second chance.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to stay with him, or divorce?

[Anonymous]

Well, at least he's smart enough to use protection. My cheating ex didn't, and he ended up giving me three (yes, THREE) different STD's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've admittidly been down this road before. What happened last time?

I gave him a second chance and went to lots of therapy. And then we had a kid. And, I just am beside myself.

Sorry OP. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to stay with him, or divorce?

Tough question righ now. I just want the truth from him and then move on from there. There is also a baby involved.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, sit down and seriously think about this. You know he's cheating. You are just trying to convince yourself otherwise and deny reality. Start thinking about how you want to proceed. Give him a another chance? Proceed to divorce?