Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

As a former 15 yr old who was sexually active at that age, I would highly recommend the IUD over the pill. Hormonal contraceptives can be a big challenge to get right. I had a lot of trouble, but I didn't really realize it. Why? Being 15, newly hormonal in the first place, and experiencing such intense highs and lows of that age group are all back-ground complicators in mood regulation. Adding the pill can make it better (for some) or make it much worse. It's just a lot tougher to deal with than for someone who has been ovulating for 5 or 6 years and knows their body and hormones a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious - did you ever talk to your daughter about sex, valuing her body, getting serious with a boy before this happened?

I am wondering what steps, if any, you took to prevent this.

I know it is too late now, but I am curious.

What a weird question.

Teenagers have urges, just as adults do.

Some wait until adulthood. Some don't.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah- shame the dad. Good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we all take off our blinders about whether 15 is too young? It's well withing the norm. So let's move onto how to make sure she's doing it safely.

"Fewer than 2% of adolescents have had sex by the time they reach their 12th birthday. But adolescence is a time of rapid change. Only 16% of teens have had sex by age 15, compared with one-third of those aged 16, nearly half (48%) of those aged 17, 61% of 18-year-olds and 71% of 19-year-olds.[1] There is little difference by gender in the timing of first sex."

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real. She is not going to stop having sex and she is not being coerced. She and her boyfriend are not felons. Take her to planned parenthood, and get the kind of shot that lasts a year or whatever their Dr. recommends for 15 year old. Talk to her and her boyfriend about STDs and ask him to buy condoms or buy them for him, but don't count on him using them. Keep the dialogue open. Don't be judgmental. Tell her its her body and you respect her right to make decisions about it. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Don't let anyone tell you your daughter is either immoral or abnormal. Teen age sex is completely normal for some kids. I raised three daughter all of whom had sex as teenagers and they have all grown up to be respected professionals, good wives and wonderful mothers. You are a good dad. Don't doubt yourself.

More of this on DCUM!

+1
What a refreshing change to see something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real. She is not going to stop having sex and she is not being coerced. She and her boyfriend are not felons. Take her to planned parenthood, and get the kind of shot that lasts a year or whatever their Dr. recommends for 15 year old. Talk to her and her boyfriend about STDs and ask him to buy condoms or buy them for him, but don't count on him using them. Keep the dialogue open. Don't be judgmental. Tell her its her body and you respect her right to make decisions about it. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Don't let anyone tell you your daughter is either immoral or abnormal. Teen age sex is completely normal for some kids. I raised three daughter all of whom had sex as teenagers and they have all grown up to be respected professionals, good wives and wonderful mothers. You are a good dad. Don't doubt yourself.

More of this on DCUM!

+1
What a refreshing change to see something like this.

+2
It's awesome

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone recommending an iud for a teenager? Aren't they linked to all kinds of reproductive problems if used before a woman has ever been pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd take her to the gyn to discuss birth control options ASAP. While providing condoms is a must, I wouldn't necessarily count on them using one every single time. As for the allowing them to do it under your roof... I'm not sure about that. On one hand, I wouldn't want to "approve." On the other, I'm not sure I'd rather them doing it in a car or on a park bench. And yes, if you know the boys parents, I'd probably talk to them too so they can talk to their son.

Fifteen-year-old "kids" should not be having sex at home. If doing it in a car, etc. is inconvenient, then too freaking bad.

Yep. It is my job to make sure my kids don't screw up their futures, so I will provide birth control.

It is not my job to help them have sex. If it is difficult to find a place to have sex, well, that's okay with me. More inconvenience = less sex. Less inconvenience = more sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious - did you ever talk to your daughter about sex, valuing her body, getting serious with a boy before this happened?

I am wondering what steps, if any, you took to prevent this.

I know it is too late now, but I am curious.

What a weird question.

Teenagers have urges, just as adults do.

Some wait until adulthood. Some don't.

Curious, would everyone's mindset be the same if the children in question were 13? Or 11? Eleven year olds can have urges. A girl of 11 could already have started menstruation so she is old enough to need BC. Should a parent see this as normal and allow the 11 year olds to have sex at home rather than let them sneak around?

Because I can't get there mentally. I just can't get to the place of openly supporting kids that young having sex, but most on this thread seem like they might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone recommending an iud for a teenager? Aren't they linked to all kinds of reproductive problems if used before a woman has ever been pregnant?

No, they are not. And the reason everyone is recommending an IUD for a teenager because long-acting reversible contraceptives (for example, an IUD) much more effective at preventing pregnancy among teenagers than short-acting contraceptives.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Adolescent-Health-Care/Adolescents-and-Long-Acting-Reversible-Contraception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd take her to the gyn to discuss birth control options ASAP. While providing condoms is a must, I wouldn't necessarily count on them using one every single time. As for the allowing them to do it under your roof... I'm not sure about that. On one hand, I wouldn't want to "approve." On the other, I'm not sure I'd rather them doing it in a car or on a park bench. And yes, if you know the boys parents, I'd probably talk to them too so they can talk to their son.

Fifteen-year-old "kids" should not be having sex at home. If doing it in a car, etc. is inconvenient, then too freaking bad.

Yep. It is my job to make sure my kids don't screw up their futures, so I will provide birth control.

It is not my job to help them have sex. If it is difficult to find a place to have sex, well, that's okay with me. More inconvenience = less sex. Less inconvenience = more sex.

OK, if you want them to have sex in cars, under park benches, in classrooms, and so on -- all places where it's much more likely that they will get in trouble for having sex (and less likely to use a condom).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Curious, would everyone's mindset be the same if the children in question were 13? Or 11? Eleven year olds can have urges. A girl of 11 could already have started menstruation so she is old enough to need BC. Should a parent see this as normal and allow the 11 year olds to have sex at home rather than let them sneak around?

Because I can't get there mentally. I just can't get to the place of openly supporting kids that young having sex, but most on this thread seem like they might.

But the children in question are not 13, or 11. They are 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Curious, would everyone's mindset be the same if the children in question were 13? Or 11? Eleven year olds can have urges. A girl of 11 could already have started menstruation so she is old enough to need BC. Should a parent see this as normal and allow the 11 year olds to have sex at home rather than let them sneak around?

Because I can't get there mentally. I just can't get to the place of openly supporting kids that young having sex, but most on this thread seem like they might.

But the children in question are not 13, or 11. They are 15.

Right. So the age makes a difference? Because plenty of posts are saying, well these kids are going to do it no matter what so have the open conversation, make a safe place, get the girl on BC. So where do we draw the line? High school age? But what about middle schoolers? They can get STDs and unwanted pregnancies? So is 13 the limit where we should support a sexual relationship? What makes a HS freshman better equipped to handle an adult relationship than a 7th grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Curious, would everyone's mindset be the same if the children in question were 13? Or 11? Eleven year olds can have urges. A girl of 11 could already have started menstruation so she is old enough to need BC. Should a parent see this as normal and allow the 11 year olds to have sex at home rather than let them sneak around?

Because I can't get there mentally. I just can't get to the place of openly supporting kids that young having sex, but most on this thread seem like they might.

But the children in question are not 13, or 11. They are 15.

Right. So the age makes a difference? Because plenty of posts are saying, well these kids are going to do it no matter what so have the open conversation, make a safe place, get the girl on BC. So where do we draw the line? High school age? But what about middle schoolers? They can get STDs and unwanted pregnancies? So is 13 the limit where we should support a sexual relationship? What makes a HS freshman better equipped to handle an adult relationship than a 7th grader.

Yes, of course age makes a difference. Would OP as concerned if his daughter were 18, or 21, or 45? Would you?

And neither a high school freshman nor a seventh grader are equipped to handle an adult relationship, but that's ok, because neither of them are having an adult relationship. "Adult relationship" is not the same as "sexual relationship".

Also, as a general principle, my position is that people who are having sex that may lead to pregnancy should use contraception, and that is true regardless of how old the people are. "I do not condone you having sex, and I forbid you to do it" is not an effective method of contraception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone recommending an iud for a teenager? Aren't they linked to all kinds of reproductive problems if used before a woman has ever been pregnant?

No, they are not. And the reason everyone is recommending an IUD for a teenager because long-acting reversible contraceptives (for example, an IUD) much more effective at preventing pregnancy among teenagers than short-acting contraceptives.

http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Adolescent-Health-Care/Adolescents-and-Long-Acting-Reversible-Contraception.

Agree. My teen has one as do a number of her friends. You know what they call parents of teenage daughters who are on BCP? Grandparents.

Consider the IUD. Minimizes the risk of user error.