Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a national obsession I think, virginity and when to pass it up. Europe has a much more relaxed attitude.

oh yeah, Europe has it all figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Teenage years are a transition from little kid to adult. Teenagers date and they (hopefully) have parents who look out for them and set limits.

Romantically involved kids hanging out in each other's bedrooms are going to have sex. Don't think for even a second that they won't. That is why parents generally do not allow them to hang out together alone and in private areas of the house (we understand the temptation!). Teenagers are still kids, they are still growing, they are still learning - they are not ready to be parents yet. It's a mistake to treat them like adults in training - they are not adults.

Why shouldn't they be treated like adults in training? They ARE adults in training. I don't think it's reasonable to treat them like adults, but the "in training" part would indicate that it's reasonable to, you know, address issues head on, like the OP of this thread is doing now. My mom addressed issues head on with my when I started high school. You better believe it was an awkward conversation, being 14 years old and having your mom say, "Listen, I think we should go to my gynecologist and talk to her about birth control for you, just in case." I wasn't even interested in dating at that point, but I started taking the pill anyway and learned what to do with condoms (on a cucumber, if I remember correctly).

I didn't run right out to have sex with the first boy who looked at me or even the first boy who ever entered my bedroom. I waited until I was in a relationship with a boy I loved. When we decided to have sex, it was not a haphazard thing. I was already on birth control. We also used a condom. There was no teenage BS associated with it, because neither of our parents had made sex seem like this big off limits thing, just a thing that, if you want to do it, has precautions that need to be taken and should only happen with someone you actually love. We were together from age 16 to age 18, when we broke up right after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

She needs to see a gynecologist. If she gets an IUD, said gynecologist needs to explain to her that she needs to also use a condom every time and explain why. Every time. Definitely talk to the boy's parents.