Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Single dad here. Daughter is 15, and I found out last night that I've officially lost the "wait until you're married" battle. The boyfriend in question is a good boy, (well, except for *that*), and owned up to what they've been doing, looked me in the eye, and stood up for my daughter. I'm not so foolish as to think I can put my foot down & tell them to stop. So now the questions turn to thoughts of safety, protection, and not taking on the mantle of "Grandpa" too soon.

What have others done in this situation? Do you allow "relations" under your roof? Provide condoms? BC pills? Talk to the boy's parents?

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. No advice here, but I can imagine being taken aback upon discovering this.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

[Anonymous]

No to knowingly allowing it under your roof. Yes to birth control pills for sure. Yes to condoms.

[Anonymous]

You might look through this thread that is on a similar topic:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/444343.page

[Anonymous]

What have they been using?

Where have they been doing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

+1 IUD and condoms

Also she isn't the age of consent...so that is statutory rape. As a parent I couldn't condone that in my house. So they wait until she's 16 or guy risks jail time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. No advice here, but I can imagine being taken aback upon discovering this.

Good luck to you.

Thanks. Yeah, definitely "taken aback," now just trying to figure a path through this new minefield.

[Anonymous]

I'd take her to the gyn to discuss birth control options ASAP. While providing condoms is a must, I wouldn't necessarily count on them using one every single time. As for the allowing them to do it under your roof... I'm not sure about that. On one hand, I wouldn't want to "approve." On the other, I'm not sure I'd rather them doing it in a car or on a park bench. And yes, if you know the boys parents, I'd probably talk to them too so they can talk to their son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

+1 IUD and condoms

Also she isn't the age of consent...so that is statutory rape. As a parent I couldn't condone that in my house. So they wait until she's 16 or guy risks jail time.

What? Who'd report him? You?

[Anonymous]

Take her to get birth control. She needs to go to a gynecologist, not her pediatrician. The Dr should educate both of you about proper use of whatever method she chooses (IUD, pill, shot, etc) and also both of you need to stress consistent use of condoms to protect against STIs.

I cannot stress how important this is - she needs to know how to use condoms correctly and use them consistently. At this point, she is going to have sex either way, so just make sure she has the condoms.

Also make sure she gets the HPV shot - if she doesn't have it - ASAP.

If she chooses to take the pill, she needs to take it EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME for it to be effective. You and her doctor need to be on top of that to encourage proper use and good habits.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can sympathize. IMO, 15 is too young for sex, however that ship has sailed at this point. I think in your situation I'd try talking with my DD about the reasons why you think it's not a good idea to have sex too young. I'd mention the obvious -- STDs, pregnancy, but also the emotional aspects. Once you've been physically intimate with someone it creates a lot of feelings that can be difficult to deal with when you're still developing and learning about yourself as a teen. It's not that I think this talk will keep her and her BF from having sex, but it makes clear your feelings on the subject and may give her something to think about.

I'd let her know you're here to talk if she needs you. I don't think I could condone sex under my roof with a child of mine who's only 15. It's probably gonna happen anyway but I can't condone it. Just putting that out there as my opinion. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

+1 IUD and condoms

Also she isn't the age of consent...so that is statutory rape. As a parent I couldn't condone that in my house. So they wait until she's 16 or guy risks jail time.

What? Who'd report him? You?

Anyone can - school officials, other students, etc. Of you knowingly allow it you could be charged too. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single dad here. Daughter is 15, and I found out last night that I've officially lost the "wait until you're married" battle. The boyfriend in question is a good boy, (well, except for *that*), and owned up to what they've been doing, looked me in the eye, and stood up for my daughter. I'm not so foolish as to think I can put my foot down & tell them to stop. So now the questions turn to thoughts of safety, protection, and not taking on the mantle of "Grandpa" too soon.

What have others done in this situation? Do you allow "relations" under your roof? Provide condoms? BC pills? Talk to the boy's parents?

Just because the boyfriend owned up to it, it does not make the boyfriend a man. He is still just a kid having sex.

Obviously your daughter will need to be on birth control but that does not mean that you condone it. You can still tell her that she should wait until she is older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

+1 IUD and condoms

Also she isn't the age of consent...so that is statutory rape. As a parent I couldn't condone that in my house. So they wait until she's 16 or guy risks jail time.

What? Who'd report him? You?

Anyone can - school officials, other students, etc. Of you knowingly allow it you could be charged too. Seriously.

I don't think we know how old the boy is. Two 15 year olds having sex is not statutory rape. Jurisdictions vary, but I believe in general there has to be at least a 4 year age difference.