Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

OP: You have got to tell us about dinner!

What concerns me is that I assume your daughter is a well-informed, well-educated young woman and yet you report "random" condom use. How is it no ingrained into teens these days that a condom is absolutely the minimum for safe sex? Just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

What a great dad you are, OP!

[Anonymous]

Don't do an IUD - look at Nexplanon. More effective and less risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
- They've been active for approx. 3 months. Sunday was just the first time I walked in on them.

You seem to be taking walking in on your daughter f*****g her boyfriend pretty calmly. (that is, you're taking it calmly...I have no idea how calm the f*****g was)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
- They've been active for approx. 3 months. Sunday was just the first time I walked in on them.

You seem to be taking walking in on your daughter f*****g her boyfriend pretty calmly. (that is, you're taking it calmly...I have no idea how calm the f*****g was)

Wow, vulgar much?

Why wouldn't he be calm?

Sure it's a bit awkward to walk in on anyone unexpectedly, but reasonable adults should try to react calmly and minimize the embarrassment for all involved.

I tend to treat my older teens with roughly the same attitude and respect I would give another adult unless that's not what they want/need or they show me they can't handle that. If the DD is old enough to make the decision that she's ready to be in a sexual relationship she should be old enough to me mature about associated awkwardness, and so should the father.

Kudos to OP for his sensitive and respectful handling of a tough situation, especially given all the cultural issues surrounding the topic and the fact that he is a single dad dealing with this particular issue with a teen daughter, something that may add to the awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
- They've been active for approx. 3 months. Sunday was just the first time I walked in on them.

You seem to be taking walking in on your daughter f*****g her boyfriend pretty calmly. (that is, you're taking it calmly...I have no idea how calm the f*****g was)

Wow, vulgar much?

Why wouldn't he be calm?

Sure it's a bit awkward to walk in on anyone unexpectedly, but reasonable adults should try to react calmly and minimize the embarrassment for all involved.

I tend to treat my older teens with roughly the same attitude and respect I would give another adult unless that's not what they want/need or they show me they can't handle that. If the DD is old enough to make the decision that she's ready to be in a sexual relationship she should be old enough to me mature about associated awkwardness, and so should the father.

Kudos to OP for his sensitive and respectful handling of a tough situation, especially given all the cultural issues surrounding the topic and the fact that he is a single dad dealing with this particular issue with a teen daughter, something that may add to the awkwardness.

*be, sorry for the typo.

[Anonymous]

Ok, OP, it's Saturday afternoon. We want details tonight.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, the only choice you have is to speak to your daughter openly about the risks and get her on birth control. I agree that an IUD or an implant - something that can't be forgotten to be taken daily or taken improperly - is best if she will agree to it. And you need to talk to her about using condoms as well to protect against STDs. Get her tested for STDs and tell her she should insist that the boyfriend does too for her own protection. Finally, get her the HPV vaccine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real. She is not going to stop having sex and she is not being coerced. She and her boyfriend are not felons. Take her to planned parenthood, and get the kind of shot that lasts a year or whatever their Dr. recommends for 15 year old. Talk to her and her boyfriend about STDs and ask him to buy condoms or buy them for him, but don't count on him using them. Keep the dialogue open. Don't be judgmental. Tell her its her body and you respect her right to make decisions about it. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Don't let anyone tell you your daughter is either immoral or abnormal. Teen age sex is completely normal for some kids. I raised three daughter all of whom had sex as teenagers and they have all grown up to be respected professionals, good wives and wonderful mothers. You are a good dad. Don't doubt yourself.

Nicely said.

[Anonymous]

OP here, back again after last night's dinner.

The boy's parents were gracious toward both me and my daughter. There were no accusations about bad parenting or loose morals, (which I was glad about, since their son was sort of 'involved" too),.just a lot of concern on all sides. They backed me up 100% on the subject of not wanting to walk in on anything (his mother took that part of the conversation a little bit graphic, just enough to completely mortify both DD and BF).

For now, we all seem to be on the same page as far as BC & other expectations are concerned.

And today I went to CVS & picked up a box of condoms and some ear plugs.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP

I thought of you when I read this article:

http://www.alternet.org/what-happens-when-country-doesnt-puritanically-freak-out-about-teenagers-having-sex

I thought you might like to read it.

[Anonymous]

OP - I don't get the comment on ear plugs - you did say you were not going to be providing an open door for teen sex at your home right??? Or is that you just need ear plugs for sleeping? Besides a "cooling off" period - and how long is this going to be? It really is important perhaps to step back and look at your daughter's overall life right here and now. Is sex and her relationship with this boy her main "extracurricular interest? Does she just have too much time on her hands?

Besides conversations about BC and her teen sex life do you have conversations about how her grades in school are, how are her friendships with girls, does she have so much free time that she might get a part-time job or perhaps in her case a volunteer job? The more important question I have for you to answer is just what are her summer plans while are you are at work going to be Maybe for her overall well-being, it would be a great time to offer her a month away at some camps or to really focus as a parent on her finding a summer job, volunteer job, internship in a field of interest or taking some classes. Not good to focus on just this one area of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd take her to get an IUD. Pills and condoms are unreliable. Want to avoid being a Grandpa? This is how.

+1 IUD and condoms

Also she isn't the age of consent...so that is statutory rape. As a parent I couldn't condone that in my house. So they wait until she's 16 or guy risks jail time.

Call the cops on him. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
- They've been active for approx. 3 months. Sunday was just the first time I walked in on them.

You seem to be taking walking in on your daughter f*****g her boyfriend pretty calmly. (that is, you're taking it calmly...I have no idea how calm the f*****g was)

Wow, vulgar much?

Why wouldn't he be calm?

Sure it's a bit awkward to walk in on anyone unexpectedly, but reasonable adults should try to react calmly and minimize the embarrassment for all involved.

I tend to treat my older teens with roughly the same attitude and respect I would give another adult unless that's not what they want/need or they show me they can't handle that. If the DD is old enough to make the decision that she's ready to be in a sexual relationship she should be old enough to me mature about associated awkwardness, and so should the father.

Kudos to OP for his sensitive and respectful handling of a tough situation, especially given all the cultural issues surrounding the topic and the fact that he is a single dad dealing with this particular issue with a teen daughter, something that may add to the awkwardness.

Um, no. If I walked in my 15 year old kid having sex in my house you can bet that I would flip out, put an immediate end to it and send their friend straight home. It would very likely be an awkward, embarrassing, uncomfortable scene and there would be some serious freedom reductions afterwards. 15 is too darned young to become a parent. And I'm too danged old to step in and care for a newborn baby. I know my limitations. I know my kids' limitations. No Way.

[Anonymous]

Just for a reality check, I think it's great your daughter waited until 15 and I think it's great she's having sex in the context of a real relationship. There are a LOT worst stories out there.

I agree with all the posters about HPV and birth control. You want her to see sex as normal, but her choice; you want her to take good care of her body; and you want her to understand how sex in the right relationships is a great thing. You can keep dialogue open by talking with her about how to stay healthy, ask her how sex has changed her relationship with her boyfriend, and by telling her you support her in doing things that are healthy and you only want her to be empowered to take good care of herself (being safe, etc.)