Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Also, who wants to be another fertility problem statistic down the road?

[Anonymous]

Make an appointment for your daughter to see a gynecologist NOW and have him/her discuss birth control options with DD.

I would never tell my kids when and where they can have sex as that always backfires. I told my son to NEVER embarrass me and to respect me. He never caught me having sex and I never ever wanted to catch him having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make an appointment for your daughter to see a gynecologist NOW and have him/her discuss birth control options with DD.

I would never tell my kids when and where they can have sex as that always backfires. I told my son to NEVER embarrass me and to respect me. He never caught me having sex and I never ever wanted to catch him having sex.

Do you mean "see," not "catch"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take her to get birth control. She needs to go to a gynecologist, not her pediatrician. The Dr should educate both of you about proper use of whatever method she chooses (IUD, pill, shot, etc) and also both of you need to stress consistent use of condoms to protect against STIs.

I cannot stress how important this is - she needs to know how to use condoms correctly and use them consistently. At this point, she is going to have sex either way, so just make sure she has the condoms.

Also make sure she gets the HPV shot - if she doesn't have it - ASAP.

If she chooses to take the pill, she needs to take it EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME for it to be effective. You and her doctor need to be on top of that to encourage proper use and good habits.

This. She needs to see a gynecologist and be thoroughly instructed on how to prevent pregnancy and STDs. This is not "condoning" anything, it's making sure that she knows how to protect her health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also make sure that she understands that she can stop having sex if she decides she is not ready down the road. Many girls feel like it is expected if they have done it before (whether the current boyfriend expects it or another boyfriend in the future).

+1

She may feel that now she is in (has to be in) a sexual relationship. Make sure she understands that one "yes" does not mean yes going forward unless she wants it to.

+2

It is even more important now that you teach her about consent and boundaries and respect. It is still her body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single dad here. Daughter is 15, and I found out last night that I've officially lost the "wait until you're married" battle. The boyfriend in question is a good boy, (well, except for *that*), and owned up to what they've been doing, looked me in the eye, and stood up for my daughter. I'm not so foolish as to think I can put my foot down & tell them to stop. So now the questions turn to thoughts of safety, protection, and not taking on the mantle of "Grandpa" too soon.

What have others done in this situation? Do you allow "relations" under your roof? Provide condoms? BC pills? Talk to the boy's parents?

15? Yikes, I would seriously be concerned. And you are just thinking since they did it, they will do it all the time and you are okay with it? Sorry - no way. She is too young. What is she a freshman in high school? Messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take her to get birth control. She needs to go to a gynecologist, not her pediatrician. The Dr should educate both of you about proper use of whatever method she chooses (IUD, pill, shot, etc) and also both of you need to stress consistent use of condoms to protect against STIs.

I cannot stress how important this is - she needs to know how to use condoms correctly and use them consistently. At this point, she is going to have sex either way, so just make sure she has the condoms.

Also make sure she gets the HPV shot - if she doesn't have it - ASAP.

If she chooses to take the pill, she needs to take it EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME for it to be effective. You and her doctor need to be on top of that to encourage proper use and good habits.

This. And, if she's embarrassed by it, then she shouldn't be having sex (this is what I'd tell her, anyway.) Since she's taken the step, she needs to protect herself. Also, I don't know whether I'd condone it in my house. What's the alternative? A car? Some other public place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single dad here. Daughter is 15, and I found out last night that I've officially lost the "wait until you're married" battle. The boyfriend in question is a good boy, (well, except for *that*), and owned up to what they've been doing, looked me in the eye, and stood up for my daughter. I'm not so foolish as to think I can put my foot down & tell them to stop. So now the questions turn to thoughts of safety, protection, and not taking on the mantle of "Grandpa" too soon.

What have others done in this situation? Do you allow "relations" under your roof? Provide condoms? BC pills? Talk to the boy's parents?

15? Yikes, I would seriously be concerned. And you are just thinking since they did it, they will do it all the time and you are okay with it? Sorry - no way. She is too young. What is she a freshman in high school? Messed up.

My 15 year old was a high school junior (turned 16 during the year). OP's DD is about 2-3 years from college. Young, but possibly equipped to make her own decisions about something like this especially if she has the guidance of a caring parent to seriously consider all of the implications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single dad here. Daughter is 15, and I found out last night that I've officially lost the "wait until you're married" battle. The boyfriend in question is a good boy, (well, except for *that*), and owned up to what they've been doing, looked me in the eye, and stood up for my daughter. I'm not so foolish as to think I can put my foot down & tell them to stop. So now the questions turn to thoughts of safety, protection, and not taking on the mantle of "Grandpa" too soon.

What have others done in this situation? Do you allow "relations" under your roof? Provide condoms? BC pills? Talk to the boy's parents?

15? Yikes, I would seriously be concerned. And you are just thinking since they did it, they will do it all the time and you are okay with it? Sorry - no way. She is too young. What is she a freshman in high school? Messed up.

NP. What do you suggest? Do you have anything of substance to add?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to get birth control. She needs to go to a gynecologist, not her pediatrician. The Dr should educate both of you about proper use of whatever method she chooses (IUD, pill, shot, etc) and also both of you need to stress consistent use of condoms to protect against STIs.

I cannot stress how important this is - she needs to know how to use condoms correctly and use them consistently. At this point, she is going to have sex either way, so just make sure she has the condoms.

Also make sure she gets the HPV shot - if she doesn't have it - ASAP.

If she chooses to take the pill, she needs to take it EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME for it to be effective. You and her doctor need to be on top of that to encourage proper use and good habits.

This. And, if she's embarrassed by it, then she shouldn't be having sex (this is what I'd tell her, anyway.) Since she's taken the step, she needs to protect herself. Also, I don't know whether I'd condone it in my house. What's the alternative? A car? Some other public place?

Yup. Some parents are naive enough to think that if they allow their teens to have sex in their own bedrooms, then they won't do it in a car, on the couch, outdoors, at a friend's home, etc. Teens find all sorts of places to get it on. Inside the home and outside of it. Oh, and for some reason, some will even do it in their parent's bed.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people have said to take her to the doc to get birth control and make sure she has condoms so I don't need to add that. (BTW if she is grown up enough to have sex, she is grown up enough to go buy condoms and carry them with her. Don't let her weasel out of it because she's embarrassed.)

If it hasn't been mentioned yet by other pps, I just wanted to say that the staff at dd's pediatric practice were very happy that we brought her to the doc for birth control. (Although I like folks' suggestion that she have a gynecologist - that makes sense). And the pharmacist would smile at me whenever I picked up dd's birth control. In DC, anyway, you should get plenty of support from medical professionals for being a wise dad who makes sure that your daughter has birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to get birth control. She needs to go to a gynecologist, not her pediatrician. The Dr should educate both of you about proper use of whatever method she chooses (IUD, pill, shot, etc) and also both of you need to stress consistent use of condoms to protect against STIs.

I cannot stress how important this is - she needs to know how to use condoms correctly and use them consistently. At this point, she is going to have sex either way, so just make sure she has the condoms.

Also make sure she gets the HPV shot - if she doesn't have it - ASAP.

If she chooses to take the pill, she needs to take it EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME for it to be effective. You and her doctor need to be on top of that to encourage proper use and good habits.

This. And, if she's embarrassed by it, then she shouldn't be having sex (this is what I'd tell her, anyway.) Since she's taken the step, she needs to protect herself. Also, I don't know whether I'd condone it in my house. What's the alternative? A car? Some other public place?

Yup. Some parents are naive enough to think that if they allow their teens to have sex in their own bedrooms, then they won't do it in a car, on the couch, outdoors, at a friend's home, etc. Teens find all sorts of places to get it on. Inside the home and outside of it. Oh, and for some reason, some will even do it in their parent's bed.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

"Yup. Some parents are naive enough to think that if they allow their teens to have sex in their own bedrooms, then they won't do it in a car, on the couch, outdoors, at a friend's home, etc. Teens find all sorts of places to get it on. Inside the home and outside of it. Oh, and for some reason, some will even do it in their parent's bed. "

When DH's parents went out of town, he and his siblings all had sex with their dates in their parent's bed, throughout the house, and in the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people have said to take her to the doc to get birth control and make sure she has condoms so I don't need to add that. (BTW if she is grown up enough to have sex, she is grown up enough to go buy condoms and carry them with her. Don't let her weasel out of it because she's embarrassed.)

If it hasn't been mentioned yet by other pps, I just wanted to say that the staff at dd's pediatric practice were very happy that we brought her to the doc for birth control. (Although I like folks' suggestion that she have a gynecologist - that makes sense). And the pharmacist would smile at me whenever I picked up dd's birth control. In DC, anyway, you should get plenty of support from medical professionals for being a wise dad who makes sure that your daughter has birth control.

Um, sure he was smiling because he was proud your young teen was active? Sorry, that is REALLY weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people have said to take her to the doc to get birth control and make sure she has condoms so I don't need to add that. (BTW if she is grown up enough to have sex, she is grown up enough to go buy condoms and carry them with her. Don't let her weasel out of it because she's embarrassed.)

If it hasn't been mentioned yet by other pps, I just wanted to say that the staff at dd's pediatric practice were very happy that we brought her to the doc for birth control. (Although I like folks' suggestion that she have a gynecologist - that makes sense). And the pharmacist would smile at me whenever I picked up dd's birth control. In DC, anyway, you should get plenty of support from medical professionals for being a wise dad who makes sure that your daughter has birth control.

Um, sure he was smiling because he was proud your young teen was active? Sorry, that is REALLY weird.

No, she was smiling because she knew I had made sure my daughter was protected from pregnancy as opposed to parents who don't want to know what is going on and whose daughters have unprotected sex and get pregnant because neither parent or child wants to take responsibility for protection.