I am an Asian woman married to a white guy. Ask me (practically) anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm intrigued by the bookings. Do they ever do swaps, where the women can buy the tables, watch the men dance and choose who they want to come to the table? I'd feel really weird just dancing and being summoned like it's an audition, but would love it the other way around.

PP, this is OP. It is interesting you ask that, because reverse bookings are starting, at least in some US cities. I remember reading an article about that years ago--I never did any reverse bookings myself. But the impression I got from the article was that there was a definite "gigolo" vibe going on in places like that and that the men were younger and doing it for the money/sugar-momma (and not for pure fun).

[Anonymous]

NP here. Did your husband grow up in a higher socio economic household than yours? As a child of immigrants, were you attracted to people who were more "established" in the "mainstream American society"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Did your husband grow up in a higher socio economic household than yours? As a child of immigrants, were you attracted to people who were more "established" in the "mainstream American society"?

Actually what I'm really curious about is the SES of the Asian woman-white guy couples. Does one more often than not come from a better SES background? Is there a typical SES background guy among the white guys that are attracted to Korean women? Working class white guys, highly educated elite white guys, what not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Did your husband grow up in a higher socio economic household than yours? As a child of immigrants, were you attracted to people who were more "established" in the "mainstream American society"?

Actually what I'm really curious about is the SES of the Asian woman-white guy couples. Does one more often than not come from a better SES background? Is there a typical SES background guy among the white guys that are attracted to Korean women? Working class white guys, highly educated elite white guys, what not.

OP here. I guess, yes. DH comes from a middle class background (middle class America, not middle class DCUM which apparently is clearing a half-million a year). I guess I am from a working class background.

I am not sure if I were attracted per se, even though I ended up marrying one. I have dated men from many different backgrounds. There were compatibility pros and cons with someone from a similar background but with men from vastly different backgrounds as well. But, given my parents' background, almost anyone I met would have been more established in the mainstream anyway.

I would assume that most couples would be similar to AW-WM couples. Probably similar educational background. SES can be all over the place. If we took a poll of all DCUM couples I bet there would be tracking with education, but more random for SES. That has been my observation.

However, generally speaking, men DO come from the same or higher SES than the women. I don't have a citation for this, but I feel this is true across the board. Exceptions, yes, but I think it would trend toward the man having higher SES anyway regardless of race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject says it all. As long as it's not too identifying, I will try to answer.

I have a few questions:
Do Asian men or do your Asian friends hassle you because you married a white guy?
Has anyone ever threaten you because of your interracial relationship?
The reason why I ask is because I know that in some communities (black folks I'm looking at you) try to physically harm interracial couples or verbally harass them. Have you ever experience this type of behavior from your own people before?
So, do Asian men feel threaten by white men like so many black men feel when they see a black women with a white man? Or are Asian men cool with it?
Do white women feel threaten by you?
Have you fully assimilated into your husband's culture or do you both embrace each other's cultures equally?



I have more questions, but I'm going to stop here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Subject says it all. As long as it's not too identifying, I will try to answer.

I have a few questions:
Do Asian men or do your Asian friends hassle you because you married a white guy? No. I stay away from anyone that would.
Has anyone ever threaten you because of your interracial relationship? No.
The reason why I ask is because I know that in some communities (black folks I'm looking at you) try to physically harm interracial couples or verbally harass them. Have you ever experience this type of behavior from your own people before? No, but I avoid situations where that would happen. The booking clubs I spoke about earlier, for example. I would never bring DH there to party even if I were younger. Why go seeking out trouble??? I don't know anything about the black communities' take on intermarriage. We are very good friends with one couple where DH is black and wife is white but we don't talk about racial issues. I do know when I was in my early twenties I was in a club and a couple of black girls came up and asked me what the hell exactly was going on with black men and Asian women??? They were nice about it but clearly pissed off and perplexed too. They were very attractive black women, I remember. I was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say. I think I said "I'm sorry, I don't know anything about that!" I was there with a friend of mine who was an Af-Am female. Anyway, if you are in an interracial relationship and black people are harassing you, come on over to my house! I won't harass you and I'll be your friend.
So, do Asian men feel threaten by white men like so many black men feel when they see a black women with a white man? Or are Asian men cool with it? I'm sure many of them ARE bothered. I think many men in general are. Black men may feel threatened when they see a black woman dating out, but so do white men. Men are men. Possessive critters, they are.
Do white women feel threaten by you? I'm sure they do. Women are possessive too. When I was much much younger and single and stupid and self-obsessed and insecure I would feel threatened if I saw an Asian man date/marry out of his race. "Huh. What's he see in HER?" Yeah, I'm admitting it. But I'm clearly not like that anymore.
Have you fully assimilated into your husband's culture or do you both embrace each other's cultures equally? He is pretty nonobservant for a Jew. There is really little conflict in our day-to-day life that hinges on our backgrounds. He's a nonobservant Jew and I'm a long-lapsed Catholic. We share similar outlooks on life. We have similar energy levels, and similar senses of humor. We eat the same foods. Our backgrounds do not have much impact. I'm not really a foreigner. I grew up in the US. I have some quirks and so does he (he loves belly lox; the first time I tried it my tongue went numb) but by and large there is mostly overlap. I think this has been important in keeping the peace in our home. If either of us felt really strongly about our faith or our culture it would probably be more difficult. So the short answer is we ignore our cultures to an equal degree. He'll eat his belly lox and I'll drag a tree home in December.


I have more questions, but I'm going to stop here.

[Anonymous]

Would you ever live in Asia with a white husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

o.k., but are with her on being a "tiger mom?"

I haven't read her book, so I am guessing at what your question means. I read reviews of it, though. She seems to be a hardass as a parent, and her kids are very high-achieving. Pressure-cooker parenting is not limited to just some Asians, that's ridiculous. Tiger Woods, Andre Agassi and Michael Jackson's fathers were anything but coddling, and their kids reached the pinnacles of their chosen profession too. I would think their dads are "tiger dads" based on the loose definition. And yeah, it's not great. All three men have shown to be unhappy, or have spoken about their ambivalence about how they were raised (Agassi certainly did, in interviews).

I'm the PP who originally asked what you think about Chua and her husband, who is Jewish. I'm thinking of their new book, The Triple Package, in which they assert that particular racial, cultural, ethnic or religious groups are superior to others. Two of the superior groups are Chinese and Jewish. They refrain from listing the inferior groups, of course,

[Anonymous]

Yaaaawn.

[Anonymous]

Are you a cautious driver?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

OP - Why are your writing skills so poor?

[Anonymous]

Asian woman and Caucasian man is the highest interracial dating percentage here. That surprised me as I thought it was AA man/Caucasian woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

OP - Why are your writing skills so poor?

Why are you bitching?

[Anonymous]

OP is borrring.

[Anonymous]

Will save this stunning dull thread for when I'm having trouble sleeping.