I am an Asian woman married to a white guy. Ask me (practically) anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you speak your parents native language why aren't you teaching your kids?

Because I am tired from my job, errands, etc. And English is my native tongue.

Just because you are multi-lingual doesn't mean you can TEACH that language easily. You are asking me to homeschool my child in a language course. I mean, my FIL plays a musical instrument, and I would love it if he would teach our kids, but he won't do that, and I understand. It's similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible you've dated so many guys and have only slept with your husband?

I kept my legs closed. It was hard at times. Lots of pressure to sleep by the third date--from both the men and female friends who knew what was going on. I also avoided getting passed-out drunk around men I didn't trust.

There's more of us (women who don't sleep before marriage/slept with only one or maybe 2-3 men) than you think! It's like gay men in the 30's--we can recognize each other, but keep it secret due to the judgmental attitude of society. But a fair number of my friends fall in this category. Less than 20%, but it's not like we are unicorns. I bet some of your friends are like me, they just don't tell you.

So the OP's got stank coochie and had to go through thousands to find someone with poor olfactory perception who would tolerate her odor - good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the motivation of OP was in starting the thread but let me say based on interaction with many Asians, there is a pecking order when it comes to marrying someone of another race/color.

Being married to a white guy is viewed as the next best thing to marrying within one's own race .... and depending on the looks, credentials, etc of the white guy, it may even be viewed as a "catch" of sorts by some in the Asian community.

Yes, and there is also a tendency, to want to adapt to some Western aspects. For example, most Asians in the US use a Western first name and rarely use their Asian first name.

This is OP. I will address this. Assimilation means that you marry into the mainstream. The mainstream may mean many things, but if you keep your options open and not limit yourself to your own ethnicity (which is anti-assimilation), then you will probably end up with a white person, due to sheer numbers.

And yes, immigrants adopt Western names. You left your motherland, and took citizenship here. That means something. That means you say hello to everyone, learn English, eat hamburgers, and can name your kids Jennifer and Andrew without judgment.

I don't see fifth-generation Americans of Italian descent naming their kids Giuseppe or Luigi either.

But, PP, I do take issue with your sweeping generalization. Lots of Asian friends of mine are giving their children ethnic names, so your statement isn't even true. So: James Yu-Shing Chan, or Andrea Soyoung Williams, that kind of thing.

OP, you are being evasive and even disingenuous in your response.

The Chinese as well as other Asians have had a presence in several countries where they were a minority and they did not assimilate to the point of marrying into the majorities in those countries except in very limited instances. You also find disproportionately more inter-marriages between Asians and whites than between Asians and other races in this country even allowing for the fact that whites are in the majority in the US. Besides, are you seriously suggesting that the Asian parents/family/community would be as positive to an inter-racial marriage between a member of their community if the person were non-white as compared to a white person - assuming all other things were equal?

As far as naming children using Western names, we don't need to look at those who have been here five generations or even fewer generations. Most Asian immigrants - and especially Chinese immigrants - use Western names even when it comes to the first generation. In fact, only South Asians seem to use names from their country of origin although they do try and adopt names that would be easier for Americans to pronounce. Even the examples that you cited are ones where James Yu-shing Chan or Andrea Soyoung Williams will go by the name "James" or "Andrea" in their everyday interactions in this country. The Chinese name becomes a middle name that is used only in limited instances.

Most of my information comes from Asians who are more candid in acknowledging some of these biases and desire to fit into the mainstream than you are willing to acknowledge.

Even the language issue is one where some immigrants take a greater pride in ensuring their progeny learn to speak, read and write their language. There are avenues that enable immigrant children to do just this through cultural and community resources precisely because the parents may not have the time to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the motivation of OP was in starting the thread but let me say based on interaction with many Asians, there is a pecking order when it comes to marrying someone of another race/color.

Being married to a white guy is viewed as the next best thing to marrying within one's own race .... and depending on the looks, credentials, etc of the white guy, it may even be viewed as a "catch" of sorts by some in the Asian community.

Yes, and there is also a tendency, to want to adapt to some Western aspects. For example, most Asians in the US use a Western first name and rarely use their Asian first name.

This is OP. I will address this. Assimilation means that you marry into the mainstream. The mainstream may mean many things, but if you keep your options open and not limit yourself to your own ethnicity (which is anti-assimilation), then you will probably end up with a white person, due to sheer numbers.

And yes, immigrants adopt Western names. You left your motherland, and took citizenship here. That means something. That means you say hello to everyone, learn English, eat hamburgers, and can name your kids Jennifer and Andrew without judgment.

I don't see fifth-generation Americans of Italian descent naming their kids Giuseppe or Luigi either.

But, PP, I do take issue with your sweeping generalization. Lots of Asian friends of mine are giving their children ethnic names, so your statement isn't even true. So: James Yu-Shing Chan, or Andrea Soyoung Williams, that kind of thing.

OP, you are being evasive and even disingenuous in your response.

The Chinese as well as other Asians have had a presence in several countries where they were a minority and they did not assimilate to the point of marrying into the majorities in those countries except in very limited instances. You also find disproportionately more inter-marriages between Asians and whites than between Asians and other races in this country even allowing for the fact that whites are in the majority in the US. Besides, are you seriously suggesting that the Asian parents/family/community would be as positive to an inter-racial marriage between a member of their community if the person were non-white as compared to a white person - assuming all other things were equal?

As far as naming children using Western names, we don't need to look at those who have been here five generations or even fewer generations. Most Asian immigrants - and especially Chinese immigrants - use Western names even when it comes to the first generation. In fact, only South Asians seem to use names from their country of origin although they do try and adopt names that would be easier for Americans to pronounce. Even the examples that you cited are ones where James Yu-shing Chan or Andrea Soyoung Williams will go by the name "James" or "Andrea" in their everyday interactions in this country. The Chinese name becomes a middle name that is used only in limited instances.

Most of my information comes from Asians who are more candid in acknowledging some of these biases and desire to fit into the mainstream than you are willing to acknowledge.

Even the language issue is one where some immigrants take a greater pride in ensuring their progeny learn to speak, read and write their language. There are avenues that enable immigrant children to do just this through cultural and community resources precisely because the parents may not have the time to do so.

Who cares

[Anonymous]

You say that asian guy/white girl couples are catching up. They also seem to be the majority in certain areas. Have you noticed Asian girl are starting to refuse to date white guys?

Also, how would you define "yellow fever?"

[Anonymous]

Do you know more Asian girl/white guy couples or Asian guy/white girl couples?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know more Asian girl/white guy couples or Asian guy/white girl couples?

WTF?

[Anonymous]

I am not angry. Anger lowers a person's IQ.
However, I will say I am intrigued by the fact that the majority of people look down on asian girl/white guy relationships while encouraging one night stands between Asian guys and white girls. Asian men say it is only in response to all the af/wm relationships, but I see through this lie. In Asian countries white women are fetishized, but this goes ignored by the majority of people. Asian men, I demand a confession! Admit that you are being hypocrites and your actions are for the sole purpose of getting your dicks wet.

[Anonymous]

what are "hapa" comments?

[Anonymous]

Unrelated to the marriage issue: but, I have always wanted to understand, why are Chinese people so materialistic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do many Asians perspire from their heads, and not their bodies? I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is what a Vietnamese friend of mine told me. I was saying that my 6yo adopted Chinese DD's head is always sweaty in the summer-time, and he said, "That's how we Asians are! She [pointing to his Cauc. wife] has to use deodorant and I don't! I sweat it all out my head!" Sorry if this sounds absolutely nuts.

Hi, PP! This is OP. OK, now we are getting somewhere. These are the questions I actually expected from this thread. No offense taken.

I have no idea, but I think Asians do perspire less! I have no idea why, maybe because the countries have cold winters? I don't sweat myself unless I am working out or it's a really hot day. As for the sweating from the head, my DD's head is so sweaty sometimes when she sleeps. Also, Asians have black hair, which retains heat in the sun way more than blonde heads. Could explain the sweatiness in the summertime. Even brunette hair will be less hot than a head of black hair. Difference in temperature between a black car and a golden one that's been sitting out in the summer sun, same principle.

You know, your daughter will never have to shave her legs in her entire life. Asians also have a dry, flaky type of earwax. DH's earwax are these huge lumpy, yellow things, but I don't have any earwax. I'm not nuts, this is true: "There are two distinct genetically determined types of earwax: the wet type, which is dominant, and the dry type, which is recessive. While Asians and Native Americans are more likely to have the dry type of cerumen (gray and flaky), African and European people are more likely to have the wet type (honey-brown to dark-brown and moist)."--from wiki.

This probably related to Chinese or Japanese only? I am central Asian (most Americans think I am Chinese or Korean of course). All of my central Asian friends shave and have BO and ordinary ear wax. Interesting haha

[Anonymous]

The earwax & body odor varies throughout Asia. My southeast Asian spouse has dry earwax and zero body odor (they are connected genetically). One of my kids inherited dry earwax and zero body odor and the other has wet earwax and body odor. One has hairy legs and one does not. You can't guarantee what genetic roll of the dice your mixed kids will get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Though it was posed in the questions, repeating "chick" reads rather juvenile.

I'm, like, 40, you know? And thank you for the "juvenile" accusation--we Asian women *are* supposed to stay youthful far, far beyond our natural years, so they say.

I lived in Japan and the saying there was that Japanese women were beautiful and youthful until a certain age then went downhill very quickly.

[Anonymous]

Asian woman married to a Caucasian. Thanks for posting! I knew there were a lot of curious people out there. Sad about the jerks though; I never let them bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the motivation of OP was in starting the thread but let me say based on interaction with many Asians, there is a pecking order when it comes to marrying someone of another race/color.

Being married to a white guy is viewed as the next best thing to marrying within one's own race .... and depending on the looks, credentials, etc of the white guy, it may even be viewed as a "catch" of sorts by some in the Asian community.

Yes, and there is also a tendency, to want to adapt to some Western aspects. For example, most Asians in the US use a Western first name and rarely use their Asian first name.

This is OP. I will address this. Assimilation means that you marry into the mainstream. The mainstream may mean many things, but if you keep your options open and not limit yourself to your own ethnicity (which is anti-assimilation), then you will probably end up with a white person, due to sheer numbers.

And yes, immigrants adopt Western names. You left your motherland, and took citizenship here. That means something. That means you say hello to everyone, learn English, eat hamburgers, and can name your kids Jennifer and Andrew without judgment.

I don't see fifth-generation Americans of Italian descent naming their kids Giuseppe or Luigi either.

But, PP, I do take issue with your sweeping generalization. Lots of Asian friends of mine are giving their children ethnic names, so your statement isn't even true. So: James Yu-Shing Chan, or Andrea Soyoung Williams, that kind of thing.

OP, you are being evasive and even disingenuous in your response.

The Chinese as well as other Asians have had a presence in several countries where they were a minority and they did not assimilate to the point of marrying into the majorities in those countries except in very limited instances. You also find disproportionately more inter-marriages between Asians and whites than between Asians and other races in this country even allowing for the fact that whites are in the majority in the US. Besides, are you seriously suggesting that the Asian parents/family/community would be as positive to an inter-racial marriage between a member of their community if the person were non-white as compared to a white person - assuming all other things were equal?

As far as naming children using Western names, we don't need to look at those who have been here five generations or even fewer generations. Most Asian immigrants - and especially Chinese immigrants - use Western names even when it comes to the first generation. In fact, only South Asians seem to use names from their country of origin although they do try and adopt names that would be easier for Americans to pronounce. Even the examples that you cited are ones where James Yu-shing Chan or Andrea Soyoung Williams will go by the name "James" or "Andrea" in their everyday interactions in this country. The Chinese name becomes a middle name that is used only in limited instances.

Most of my information comes from Asians who are more candid in acknowledging some of these biases and desire to fit into the mainstream than you are willing to acknowledge.

Even the language issue is one where some immigrants take a greater pride in ensuring their progeny learn to speak, read and write their language. There are avenues that enable immigrant children to do just this through cultural and community resources precisely because the parents may not have the time to do so.

Just to answer why so many Chinese people get English names here: It is because Chinese is a graphic language, not a phonic language like English. Many many totally different Chinese characters can have exactly the same pronunciation, and you need to look at the shape of the character to distinguish which one they really are. By simply converting the Chinese name into alphabetic English string is basically meaningless. For example, a Chinese person whose Chinese name means "quite, peaceful, or serene" in Chinese will find it very funny to name herself "Jing" (that's how her name is pronounced in Chinese), because the pronounciation "Jing" can mean so many different things in Chinese, such as a whale, a well, a contest, the neck, fear, capital, etc. It is quite meaningless for her to write her name out as "Jing". So, instead, she gives herself an English name "Serena", which is way closer to her original Chinese name in meaning.