I am an Asian woman married to a white guy. Ask me (practically) anything.

[Anonymous]

What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are your children bilingual?
what do your jewish in laws think of you?
do your parent and your in laws interact frequently? how does that go?

Children too young really to tell, but probably not going to be bilingual. I speak to them in English.

Jewish in laws are ok. I think they gave up on DH being observant a long time ago, way before he met me. They too were very thrilled at my education levels, however.

They are respectful when they interact. Cards are exchanged on the holidays. But they don't really interact very much. Although their children have converged, I think culturally they are really just very different. There is the language barrier as well, which is big.

I'm a bit confused. The language barrier? Are you saying your parents don't speak English? Or is it your in-laws?

English is not my parents' native language. They are not completely comfortable speaking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

o.k., but are with her on being a "tiger mom?"

[Anonymous]

Do many Asians perspire from their heads, and not their bodies? I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is what a Vietnamese friend of mine told me. I was saying that my 6yo adopted Chinese DD's head is always sweaty in the summer-time, and he said, "That's how we Asians are! She [pointing to his Cauc. wife] has to use deodorant and I don't! I sweat it all out my head!" Sorry if this sounds absolutely nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your husband think of Amy Chua and her husband? Serious question.

I haven't read any of her books. She's a celebrity, no? She must lead a different life from mine certainly! She's an Asian-Am highly educated woman who is married to a highly educated Jewish man. So, I guess we share some similarities on paper. But that's all I can think of.

Every interracial marriage is different, I would assume. That's like saying every Southern white couple who are Methodists are the same. I think they would beg to differ. I don't know if they would be able to comment on each other either.

o.k., but are with her on being a "tiger mom?"

I haven't read her book, so I am guessing at what your question means. I read reviews of it, though. She seems to be a hardass as a parent, and her kids are very high-achieving. Pressure-cooker parenting is not limited to just some Asians, that's ridiculous. Tiger Woods, Andre Agassi and Michael Jackson's fathers were anything but coddling, and their kids reached the pinnacles of their chosen profession too. I would think their dads are "tiger dads" based on the loose definition. And yeah, it's not great. All three men have shown to be unhappy, or have spoken about their ambivalence about how they were raised (Agassi certainly did, in interviews).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do many Asians perspire from their heads, and not their bodies? I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is what a Vietnamese friend of mine told me. I was saying that my 6yo adopted Chinese DD's head is always sweaty in the summer-time, and he said, "That's how we Asians are! She [pointing to his Cauc. wife] has to use deodorant and I don't! I sweat it all out my head!" Sorry if this sounds absolutely nuts.

Hi, PP! This is OP. OK, now we are getting somewhere. These are the questions I actually expected from this thread. No offense taken.

I have no idea, but I think Asians do perspire less! I have no idea why, maybe because the countries have cold winters? I don't sweat myself unless I am working out or it's a really hot day. As for the sweating from the head, my DD's head is so sweaty sometimes when she sleeps. Also, Asians have black hair, which retains heat in the sun way more than blonde heads. Could explain the sweatiness in the summertime. Even brunette hair will be less hot than a head of black hair. Difference in temperature between a black car and a golden one that's been sitting out in the summer sun, same principle.

You know, your daughter will never have to shave her legs in her entire life. Asians also have a dry, flaky type of earwax. DH's earwax are these huge lumpy, yellow things, but I don't have any earwax. I'm not nuts, this is true: "There are two distinct genetically determined types of earwax: the wet type, which is dominant, and the dry type, which is recessive. While Asians and Native Americans are more likely to have the dry type of cerumen (gray and flaky), African and European people are more likely to have the wet type (honey-brown to dark-brown and moist)."--from wiki.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do many Asians perspire from their heads, and not their bodies? I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is what a Vietnamese friend of mine told me. I was saying that my 6yo adopted Chinese DD's head is always sweaty in the summer-time, and he said, "That's how we Asians are! She [pointing to his Cauc. wife] has to use deodorant and I don't! I sweat it all out my head!" Sorry if this sounds absolutely nuts.

Hi, PP! This is OP. OK, now we are getting somewhere. These are the questions I actually expected from this thread. No offense taken.

I have no idea, but I think Asians do perspire less! I have no idea why, maybe because the countries have cold winters? I don't sweat myself unless I am working out or it's a really hot day. As for the sweating from the head, my DD's head is so sweaty sometimes when she sleeps. Also, Asians have black hair, which retains heat in the sun way more than blonde heads. Could explain the sweatiness in the summertime. Even brunette hair will be less hot than a head of black hair. Difference in temperature between a black car and a golden one that's been sitting out in the summer sun, same principle.

You know, your daughter will never have to shave her legs in her entire life. Asians also have a dry, flaky type of earwax. DH's earwax are these huge lumpy, yellow things, but I don't have any earwax. I'm not nuts, this is true: "There are two distinct genetically determined types of earwax: the wet type, which is dominant, and the dry type, which is recessive. While Asians and Native Americans are more likely to have the dry type of cerumen (gray and flaky), African and European people are more likely to have the wet type (honey-brown to dark-brown and moist)."--from wiki.

HI! PP back! Yep, we know all about the wax issue! She sees an ENT (for other things) and he always removes the wax and tells me every time about the Asian wax issue. Ha ha. So we are pretty familiar with that one in our house!

And I am totally down with her never having to shave! That would be the life!

Yes, I have wondered about the darker color of hair being the reason behind the increased sweatiness. That was one of my hypotheses too. And yes, my DD's head can be a total sweatball when she wakes up in the morning! Even her pillow will be damp!

Thanks for your reply!

[Anonymous]

NP here (another asian woman/white man pair).
OP, do you have kids (I may have missed this)?
DH and I would, privately, crow over the fact that our kids were going to be so damn cute And it seems to have held true. I often tell DH the only way I would get a cuter kid would have been to marry a black guy.

Slightly off topic - where do you buy sunglasses? All the white kid brands have these gigantic nose rest parts! I need sunglasses made to fit asian noses!

[Anonymous]

Something cool: people with dry ear wax tend to lack apocrine glands, which are the BO-producing sweat glands. They do have regular sweat glands all over their body, of course. They just tend not to stink. This is more common among east Asians, though not universal.

Wet ear wax usually means you also have the stinky apocrine glands.

My husband is Asian and has zero body odor. I'm white and have the usual BO zones that I keep delightfully deodorized.

Of our kids, one has dry ear wax and zero BO, so must have inherited a recessive gene from me. The other one is still too young for us to develop BO, but has a weird combo ear wax--sticky plus dry. Who knows, but I'm betting this kid will be a stinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something cool: people with dry ear wax tend to lack apocrine glands, which are the BO-producing sweat glands. They do have regular sweat glands all over their body, of course. They just tend not to stink. This is more common among east Asians, though not universal.

Wet ear wax usually means you also have the stinky apocrine glands.

My husband is Asian and has zero body odor. I'm white and have the usual BO zones that I keep delightfully deodorized.

Of our kids, one has dry ear wax and zero BO, so must have inherited a recessive gene from me. The other one is still too young for us to develop BO, but has a weird combo ear wax--sticky plus dry. Who knows, but I'm betting this kid will be a stinker.

Well, that is extremely fascinating!!! I never thought that the ear wax issue could be linked to the non-sweating issue! Thank you so much! I learned something new!

[Anonymous]

I'm intrigued by the bookings. Do they ever do swaps, where the women can buy the tables, watch the men dance and choose who they want to come to the table? I'd feel really weird just dancing and being summoned like it's an audition, but would love it the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here (another asian woman/white man pair).
OP, do you have kids (I may have missed this)?
DH and I would, privately, crow over the fact that our kids were going to be so damn cute And it seems to have held true. I often tell DH the only way I would get a cuter kid would have been to marry a black guy.

Slightly off topic - where do you buy sunglasses? All the white kid brands have these gigantic nose rest parts! I need sunglasses made to fit asian noses!

Hello, NP. OP here. I have kids, all aged less than 5.

Mixed up kids are cute. It's very American to be mutty in your genes!

95% of the sunglasses out there do not work for my nose. I had an old pair of RayBans that I hung on to for dear life for years because they stayed on my face. Currently I have an Anne Klein pair that stays on, but they are not very comfortable. I don't like shopping for sunglasses. So many beautiful pairs that I cannot use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something cool: people with dry ear wax tend to lack apocrine glands, which are the BO-producing sweat glands. They do have regular sweat glands all over their body, of course. They just tend not to stink. This is more common among east Asians, though not universal.

Wet ear wax usually means you also have the stinky apocrine glands.

My husband is Asian and has zero body odor. I'm white and have the usual BO zones that I keep delightfully deodorized.

Of our kids, one has dry ear wax and zero BO, so must have inherited a recessive gene from me. The other one is still too young for us to develop BO, but has a weird combo ear wax--sticky plus dry. Who knows, but I'm betting this kid will be a stinker.

Well, that is extremely fascinating!!! I never thought that the ear wax issue could be linked to the non-sweating issue! Thank you so much! I learned something new!

This is OP. That IS fascinating. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many Jewish men that I went to Hebrew school ended up dating Asian women exclusively.

One told me there is a Chinese Woman's Mafia that routinely circulates disinformation that Chinese girls are sweet and submissive.

OP here. Chinese girls are NOT sweet and submissive. There are broad cultural differences between the continents, sure, and if you didn't know any better, meeting an Asian person for the first time may give you the impression that they are shy, submissve, retiring, whatever. But anyone who knows anything about Asian culture will tell you that that's not true. Women are pretty much the same everywhere, once you marry them.

I know that Jewish guy-Asian girl marriage rates are high enough to alarm both sets of grandparents (j/k). I think that the strong emphasis that both cultures place on education has something to do with this. Also, Asians currently are living parallel lives in America to the Jews of 75-100 years ago. Hardworking immigrant parents running their own businesses, children who are excelling tremendously at academics in public institutions, clannish communities.

Now, the question is why aren't Jewish women - Asian men as common? Well, I think that interracial relationships are more difficult to navigate to begin with, and perhaps the fact that Judaism is matrilineal and Asian cultures are patrilineal is enough of an added pressure point to prevent that type of relationship. I don't know.

This is so interesting. I noticed quite a few Korean women- Jewish guy marriages.