DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask.

I don’t know if DH never asked, or if he just doesn’t believe whatever she has told him. He himself has admitted numerous times that he thinks she is a liar. When they were in high school, she added her name on his cell phone plan that he was paying for and when confronted, she lied about it. This is just one of numerous stories about her taking advantage of him.

Why would he want to help her if this was true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

We can not afford it.

It’s her life. As someone who has lost a sibling I’d pay any amount of money to get them back.

not really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask.

I don’t know if DH never asked, or if he just doesn’t believe whatever she has told him. He himself has admitted numerous times that he thinks she is a liar. When they were in high school, she added her name on his cell phone plan that he was paying for and when confronted, she lied about it. This is just one of numerous stories about her taking advantage of him.

Why would he want to help her if this was true?

Indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

But why graduate or work full-time if someone else will just take care of things for her?

Because you want to be independent. Most people want this for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the entire thread but I would highly recommend AlAnon for your and your husband.

Does the sister want to get clean? If not you are throwing good money after bad.

No, and I completely agree.


$10,000 sounds like a large amount of money to talk with her about recovery. Can't your husband talk to her directly and see if she wants recovery? That would save the $10,000.


He did, and she said no. So that is why DH wants to do the $10k intervention.

Where does your sister live? There are free or reduced cost programs out there. My brother qualified for a free 4 week program through the State of Maryland and something connected with John Hopkins. He was told Maryland would only pay for one stint in rehab.

She lives in Maryland.


There are also IOP's available.

Check out AlAnon for you.

Be aware that there are no magical rehabs out there to get people clean and sober unless the person wants to be clean and work a recovery program.

Yes, I am well aware of this. Hence why I am fuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

We can not afford it.

It’s her life. As someone who has lost a sibling I’d pay any amount of money to get them back.

not really

You seem young. I agree with pp. Siblings cannot be replaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

We can not afford it.

It’s her life. As someone who has lost a sibling I’d pay any amount of money to get them back.

not really

You seem young. I agree with pp. Siblings cannot be replaced.

some shouldnt like the crackhead or reiner, they need to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask.

Maybe there wasn't a graduation ceremony and OP assumes the degree may not have happened. I never attended mine but I definitely have a degree even though I don't display it.

Does it even matter? SIL has never worked and does not work want to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

We can not afford it.

It’s her life. As someone who has lost a sibling I’d pay any amount of money to get them back.

not really

You seem young. I agree with pp. Siblings cannot be replaced.

No, and some of them should not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Work is not happening, OP. I don't know if there's addiction or a mental health issue or both, but it's hard to find a job these days, especially if you don't have a work history and are on the older side.

Yes, that’s a shame, but not my problem.

2. It's useless to pay for rehab or whatever your husband is talking about. She's not getting better. That's money down the drain! Put your foot down.

I agree.

3. What you two need to do is TALK to the sister. Does she even want your help?

DH talked to her. She did not want his help. Hence why he is trying to go the intervention route.

4. You can perhaps agree to paying a modest rent on a studio, and her mother is responsible for food support or medical appointments or whatever else she needs.

No, we can not afford to support another adult.

5. PAY THE BILL DIRECTLY. Do not give SIL the money.

I will not be paying any bills for SIL. She should find another means to take care of herself. If not, an overdose is probably the best option for her.

OP, I was gearing up to come here and support your concerns but daaaaaamn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also there will be insurance.

She does not work, thus does not have insurance.

if she doesnt work she has medicaid and honestly that is the best insurance for rehab

[Anonymous]

What's the sister's insurance situation?

Almost every insurance plan has some kind of substance abuse plan. Even Medicaid. It might be a little gritty. And it's quite common for insurance companies to kick people out of rehab after two weeks if they deem them detoxed and cured.

But what you want is detox and a stable environment for a few weeks as their brains and bodies readjust from addiction.

Check the insurance. The most important thing though is a willingness by the sister to be done with it and be committed to getting through those early weeks, which suck. The brain is not your friend at this time.

But I would not spend a nickel on someone who doesn't want to change. For a lot of people that got sucked into addiction, rehab is such a relief. Safe detox. A community of people dealing with the same thing. And they move on with their lives.

Some don't want the help though. And will relapse the moment they get out.

Does the sister feel like she's done with this road? If yes, there are options. If no, waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. Your husband is a doormat/has white knight syndrome and wants to siphon off hard-earned resources from your family and kids for his mess of a sister? No way.

I would put my foot down. And interventions and rehab RARELY work. Look at Rob Reiner’s kid—he was in and out of rehab dozens and dozens of time. The best facilities.

This would be ultimatum territory for me. You have a huge husband problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the sister's insurance situation?

Almost every insurance plan has some kind of substance abuse plan. Even Medicaid. It might be a little gritty. And it's quite common for insurance companies to kick people out of rehab after two weeks if they deem them detoxed and cured.

But what you want is detox and a stable environment for a few weeks as their brains and bodies readjust from addiction.

Check the insurance. The most important thing though is a willingness by the sister to be done with it and be committed to getting through those early weeks, which suck. The brain is not your friend at this time.

But I would not spend a nickel on someone who doesn't want to change. For a lot of people that got sucked into addiction, rehab is such a relief. Safe detox. A community of people dealing with the same thing. And they move on with their lives.

Some don't want the help though. And will relapse the moment they get out.

Does the sister feel like she's done with this road? If yes, there are options. If no, waste of money.

No. SIL does not have interest in getting off the meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the sister's insurance situation?

Almost every insurance plan has some kind of substance abuse plan. Even Medicaid. It might be a little gritty. And it's quite common for insurance companies to kick people out of rehab after two weeks if they deem them detoxed and cured.

But what you want is detox and a stable environment for a few weeks as their brains and bodies readjust from addiction.

Check the insurance. The most important thing though is a willingness by the sister to be done with it and be committed to getting through those early weeks, which suck. The brain is not your friend at this time.

But I would not spend a nickel on someone who doesn't want to change. For a lot of people that got sucked into addiction, rehab is such a relief. Safe detox. A community of people dealing with the same thing. And they move on with their lives.

Some don't want the help though. And will relapse the moment they get out.

Does the sister feel like she's done with this road? If yes, there are options. If no, waste of money.

No. SIL does not have interest in getting off the meds.

And does not acknowledge that anything is wrong.