DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to be as harsh as other commenters without knowing your finances. I think you need to let go of your resentment. She got a settlement because she was in an accident. That money is meant to cover her for not being able to work full-time. You make it sounds insidious by saying "We suspect she has been paying for her lifestyle from an accident settlement a while ago." It's meant for her to live off, which she has been doing, while also working part-time. If it's an opioid addiction then it's probably from the pain, she's not out partying.

You have some reasonable points. DH definitely shouldn't commit to rehab without knowing the costs, and it's fair to discuss how to pay for this and the long term plans and if his mom has any savings to contribute, perhaps out of sister's share of the inheritance.

Incorrect. He saw her drinking and slurring and not being able to walk properly after a couple of drinks, which is why he started looking into and asking questions.

Amazing how all these important details weren't in the OP, which was already super negative to SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple addicts in my family and no, we do not pay for the rehab.

Addiction is different than cancer, where everybody needs to help out.

An addict needs to take responsibility for themselves to recover. Saving them only enables them.

This.

I also have a sibling with an addiction problem, and the enabling IS the problem. If they don't take responsibility for themselves, they will not get better.

So I would not pay, it won't work. Addicts can destroy many other lives as they fall. I think the OP is right to be wary of this plan. The family as a whole will be better served by having at least one, whole, healthy family system within it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have the money to help, then you can't help. It's ok to not be able to pay for rehab for her. Does she even want to go?

No, he wants to shell out $10k for an intervention to convince her. No, of course she doesn’t want to stop taking her pain pills and/or work like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. That’s a lot of money and rehab doesn’t always work.
I’d insist husband at least get some agreement from his mother to share the costs.

Right $10k just for the intervention. And he hasn’t even done any research into how much rehab actually costs. Or tried to get agreement from his mother who has plenty of savings to pay. Meanwhile we are killing ourselves working just to be able to pay our own bills. We can’t take on the financial responsibility of another adult.

What makes you think 10k is going to be enough, this crack head hasn't been accountability all her life she will just run up more money going in and out while "relapsing" making excuses. sorry you put your foot down and say she goes cold turkey get a job or gets kicked out

[Anonymous]

Why do you need 10k for an intervention? An intervention is just you all sit with her and tell her she's cut off if she doesn't stop using. You can do it for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to be as harsh as other commenters without knowing your finances. I think you need to let go of your resentment. She got a settlement because she was in an accident. That money is meant to cover her for not being able to work full-time. You make it sounds insidious by saying "We suspect she has been paying for her lifestyle from an accident settlement a while ago." It's meant for her to live off, which she has been doing, while also working part-time. If it's an opioid addiction then it's probably from the pain, she's not out partying.

You have some reasonable points. DH definitely shouldn't commit to rehab without knowing the costs, and it's fair to discuss how to pay for this and the long term plans and if his mom has any savings to contribute, perhaps out of sister's share of the inheritance.

Incorrect. He saw her drinking and slurring and not being able to walk properly after a couple of drinks, which is why he started looking into and asking questions.

Amazing how all these important details weren't in the OP, which was already super negative to SIL.

No, because the OP would have been a novel and who has time to write out all the details about SIL’s drug addictive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have the money to help, then you can't help. It's ok to not be able to pay for rehab for her. Does she even want to go?

No, he wants to shell out $10k for an intervention to convince her. No, of course she doesn’t want to stop taking her pain pills and/or work like the rest of us.

Please do tell what career you have in mind for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may not be capable of working. You say she was in an accident with a significant settlement and that it occurred awhile ago. Significant sums are not given for minor non disabling accidents. To also say she’s addicted to opioids. Add to that, she’s been out of the workforce for awhile.

Not sure what you’re looking for here other than to complain. But honestly if my sibling would benefit from an intervention and rehab I’d do what I could to pay for it. It’s better than a dead sibling. But you’re not the sibling and you clearly despise your SIL.

Same. You guys are headed for divorce.

And maybe that is the answer. DH may divorce DW because she hates his family. And once it is just his income contributing (after splitting assets), he might think twice about paying for his sister. It's all very sad.

If my spouse harbored that kind of seething resentment towards my family, who did nothing to her personally, I would definitely consider it. She will make his life miserable.

[Anonymous]

If she's not working, surely she has medicaid? There are free clinics available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need 10k for an intervention? An intervention is just you all sit with her and tell her she's cut off if she doesn't stop using. You can do it for free.

I don’t know. Our neighbor did an intervention for their son and he got the referral from the person from them. Besides for that, he has literally done zero research into finding someone more affordable or look into options for cheaper programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have the money to help, then you can't help. It's ok to not be able to pay for rehab for her. Does she even want to go?

No, he wants to shell out $10k for an intervention to convince her. No, of course she doesn’t want to stop taking her pain pills and/or work like the rest of us.

Please do tell what career you have in mind for her.

Umm, why would I be responsible for figuring out this person’s career? I have my own responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's not working, surely she has medicaid? There are free clinics available.

Right, I am sure there are. Which is why I am fuming that DH wants to do a $10k intervention and has not looked into any free options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. That’s a lot of money and rehab doesn’t always work.
I’d insist husband at least get some agreement from his mother to share the costs.

Right $10k just for the intervention. And he hasn’t even done any research into how much rehab actually costs. Or tried to get agreement from his mother who has plenty of savings to pay. Meanwhile we are killing ourselves working just to be able to pay our own bills. We can’t take on the financial responsibility of another adult.

What makes you think 10k is going to be enough, this crack head hasn't been accountability all her life she will just run up more money going in and out while "relapsing" making excuses. sorry you put your foot down and say she goes cold turkey get a job or gets kicked out

Doesn't sound like a crackhead to me. My elderly mother became addicted to opioids after major spinal surgery due to doctors prescribing it because of the drug company pushers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's not working, surely she has medicaid? There are free clinics available.

Right, I am sure there are. Which is why I am fuming that DH wants to do a $10k intervention and has not looked into any free options.

So tell him no or divorce him. Stop judging this suffering woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's not working, surely she has medicaid? There are free clinics available.

Right, I am sure there are. Which is why I am fuming that DH wants to do a $10k intervention and has not looked into any free options.

Sounds like you would fume at any amount when it comes to your ILs.