DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple addicts in my family and no, we do not pay for the rehab.

Addiction is different than cancer, where everybody needs to help out.

An addict needs to take responsibility for themselves to recover. Saving them only enables them.

This.

I also have a sibling with an addiction problem, and the enabling IS the problem. If they don't take responsibility for themselves, they will not get better.

So I would not pay, it won't work. Addicts can destroy many other lives as they fall. I think the OP is right to be wary of this plan. The family as a whole will be better served by having at least one, whole, healthy family system within it.

My FIL paid for my SIL to go to rehab when she was in her 40s. She is an alcoholic and was addicted to meth. She’d lost her job, car, house, and daughter. She was living on a friend’s couch. Daughter was living with grandparents. I don’t know for sure but I heard it was around $30k.

Rehab changed her life and she’s been clean and sober for 11 years.

I know rehab doesn’t always work, I know some horror stories too, but that doesn’t mean paying for someone to go to rehab is enabling.

That doesn’t mean OP’s husband’s idea is a good one, but paying for rehab is not always a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

[Anonymous]

My brother was an addict. He went yo a fancy rehab in CA overlooking the ocean. Promises I think. We did an intervention and he went. It didn’t stick and my ex SIL paid big bucks. A year or so later he agreed to go again. He went to a city run program in St Louis that cost 5k. He worked the program and has been sober 12? One of the lucky ones.

I am sorry OP get your husband to alanon. Addiction is really complicated and your husband needs support too. There is little support for siblings. I understand your fears they are valid yet husband has valid confusing fears too. Of course he wants to help his sister maybe he is upset with her too. Yes find out about resources but think about how your husband is feeling too- you took vows for in sickness and in health and this is tearing him up. Addiction sucks and yes it ruins things for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple addicts in my family and no, we do not pay for the rehab.

Addiction is different than cancer, where everybody needs to help out.

An addict needs to take responsibility for themselves to recover. Saving them only enables them.

This.

I also have a sibling with an addiction problem, and the enabling IS the problem. If they don't take responsibility for themselves, they will not get better.

So I would not pay, it won't work. Addicts can destroy many other lives as they fall. I think the OP is right to be wary of this plan. The family as a whole will be better served by having at least one, whole, healthy family system within it.

My FIL paid for my SIL to go to rehab when she was in her 40s. She is an alcoholic and was addicted to meth. She’d lost her job, car, house, and daughter. She was living on a friend’s couch. Daughter was living with grandparents. I don’t know for sure but I heard it was around $30k.

Rehab changed her life and she’s been clean and sober for 11 years.

I know rehab doesn’t always work, I know some horror stories too, but that doesn’t mean paying for someone to go to rehab is enabling.

That doesn’t mean OP’s husband’s idea is a good one, but paying for rehab is not always a terrible idea.

That’s great that your SIL agreed to get help. DH’s sister agreed at the intervention and changed her tune during the intake at the facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

Setting aside MIL’s promise to reimburse, why did you and DH pay for the intervention if you knew your SIL is receiving Medicaid and that the intervention would be covered under it (per your update)? Just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP, so sorry.

I hope that your bleeding heart DH has learned his lesson.

If not then it’s time to leave. Addicts are very manipulative and will drain you financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

Setting aside MIL’s promise to reimburse, why did you and DH pay for the intervention if you knew your SIL is receiving Medicaid and that the intervention would be covered under it (per your update)? Just trying to understand.

No, the intervention is not covered by Medicaid. Medicaid would have covered up to 45 days of in-patient rehab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP, so sorry.

I hope that your bleeding heart DH has learned his lesson.

If not then it’s time to leave. Addicts are very manipulative and will drain you financially.

I’ll just say that at this point, DH seems not to have learned his lesson. He is still spending the majority of his time trying to get this 55 year old older sister help (who says she doesn’t need it), while the mother is enabling her addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

She doesn’t want help—hence why they have to do an “intervention.”

Learn to think before being nasty to someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

She doesn’t want help—hence why they have to do an “intervention.”

Learn to think before being nasty to someone.

And at the intervention, she appeared open, but when she got to intake, said she didn’t need or want help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who suffer(ed) from opiod addiction became addicted after being prescribed it for severe pain through no fault of their own. You clearly have no idea how difficult it is to recover from this.

this is the problem with our society its always someone else fault so they just continue being crack heads. Sorry, we need some tough love and prison time.

Prison without rehab does nothing. I’m always shocked people are still this misinformed about addiction in 2026.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who suffer(ed) from opiod addiction became addicted after being prescribed it for severe pain through no fault of their own. You clearly have no idea how difficult it is to recover from this.

this is the problem with our society its always someone else fault so they just continue being crack heads. Sorry, we need some tough love and prison time.

Prison without rehab does nothing. I’m always shocked people are still this misinformed about addiction in 2026.

Yes, the prison system in this country needs reform. But that doesn't excuse addicts not willing to admit they have a problem and refusing to get help, especially when it is served up to them on a silver platter, as is the case in this situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would tell your H that the following are non-negotiable:

Marriage counseling
Full repayment or legal repayment plan from MIL by x date

I would also urge you to strongly consider how your finances are structured. I would be very concerned about H giving more $. I understand you gave in on the 10k (see above: marriage counseling) but I would want to safeguard assets.

Of course most of us want to help our family members, but not everyone can afford to offer financial help. And in this case it was essentially burning $10k for nothing. It isn’t cruel to make sure you and your family are ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

Setting aside MIL’s promise to reimburse, why did you and DH pay for the intervention if you knew your SIL is receiving Medicaid and that the intervention would be covered under it (per your update)? Just trying to understand.

No, the intervention is not covered by Medicaid. Medicaid would have covered up to 45 days of in-patient rehab.

I’m sorry, I misunderstood. This must be very stressful at times—I hope you’re taking care of yourself, too.