DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

Thank you for this info, PP.

[Anonymous]

And you and he should attend AlAnon or if they are available NarAnon. Free groups you will hear others in your situation share and learn how to help without being codependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

She doesn’t want help that’s why they are discussing intervention. They are assuming that will result in rehab which may or may not. The worst kind of person is a mother who isn’t right on top of this, I don’t care how old her child is she needs help and a mother’s duties don’t always end at 18 years old.

He needs to discuss it with his mother and try to work it out financially between the three of them. This includes the brother’s wife, it’s her money too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

She doesn’t want help that’s why they are discussing intervention. They are assuming that will result in rehab which may or may not. The worst kind of person is a mother who isn’t right on top of this, I don’t care how old her child is she needs help and a mother’s duties don’t always end at 18 years old.

He needs to discuss it with his mother and try to work it out financially between the three of them. This includes the brother’s wife, it’s her money too.

I get that but SIL is 55 years old. At what point is her life her responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was my SIL, I know that DH would never look at me the same if she died after I’d said, “No, don’t help her. I’ve worked since I was 12.”

Not worth the $70k to me to find out the extent of DH’s ability to forgive.

Must be nice to have that kind of money.

We don’t. It would be a huge sacrifice. It also would be unanimous that we had to try to do it.

[Anonymous]

Update: We did the intervention on the condition the MIL pay for it. She gave us an IOU.

In the period between scheduling the intervention, DH found out that MIL has been paying for all of SIL’s bills (rent, car insurance, phone, credit card, etc.) and that SIL is on Medicaid, so intervention would be fully paid for by state.

Intervention day comes and she agrees to go. Gets to the facility and she tells the people she doesn’t think she has a problem, so they can’t admit her. Talk to another facility and they say the same thing.

So DH and I are out the money. Yah!

[Anonymous]

Wait if Medicaid would have paid for it why are you out the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait if Medicaid would have paid for it why are you out the money?

The cost of the intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: We did the intervention on the condition the MIL pay for it. She gave us an IOU.

In the period between scheduling the intervention, DH found out that MIL has been paying for all of SIL’s bills (rent, car insurance, phone, credit card, etc.) and that SIL is on Medicaid, so intervention would be fully paid for by state.

Intervention day comes and she agrees to go. Gets to the facility and she tells the people she doesn’t think she has a problem, so they can’t admit her. Talk to another facility and they say the same thing.

So DH and I are out the money. Yah!

Why are you out of money if Medicaid will pay for it? In any event, you tried. You need to keep the boundaries you set et intervention which are hopefully I won’t stay by and watch you kill your self. Call me only when you decide you are ready for help. No other contact besides that. MIL should not enable her but some parents do that. You can stay out of it and not see her.
M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: We did the intervention on the condition the MIL pay for it. She gave us an IOU.

In the period between scheduling the intervention, DH found out that MIL has been paying for all of SIL’s bills (rent, car insurance, phone, credit card, etc.) and that SIL is on Medicaid, so intervention would be fully paid for by state.

Intervention day comes and she agrees to go. Gets to the facility and she tells the people she doesn’t think she has a problem, so they can’t admit her. Talk to another facility and they say the same thing.

So DH and I are out the money. Yah!

Why are you out of money if Medicaid will pay for it? In any event, you tried. You need to keep the boundaries you set et intervention which are hopefully I won’t stay by and watch you kill your self. Call me only when you decide you are ready for help. No other contact besides that. MIL should not enable her but some parents do that. You can stay out of it and not see her.
M

The intervention was $10K. That is my plan, completely agree. DH is another story. And MIL is enabling so not sure if anything will change, which is what I’ve been telling DH all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

This is absolutely true and I'm glad that someone used this term. There are tens of thousands of people/ organizations whose very livelihood depends on the existence of addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

This is absolutely true and I'm glad that someone used this term. There are tens of thousands of people/ organizations whose very livelihood depends on the existence of addicts.

I guess in this case it’s good we aren’t in the system. But SIL would never agree to detox at home or anywhere else because she doesn’t even think she has a problem. So round and round the conversation has gone for the last couple of months. At this point, I’m at DH should just cut off contact with both SIL and enabling MIL.

[Anonymous]

Until your MIL stops enabling her, you’re wasting your time and money trying to help. You did the intervention and tried. Hopefully that will be enough to absolve your husband of whatever guild he has. I think your money would be better spent in the future having him work with a therapist with expertise in helping family of addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also there will be insurance.

She does not work, thus does not have insurance.

Then surely your tax dollars are funding her health coverage