Are all the good men really taken by early thirties?

[Anonymous]

Evere notice how it's the ugly fatties who are single because they 'prioritized their careers'?

It's never, you know, because they were fat and ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

[Anonymous]

I was a poor teacher with no money at age 30.

In hind sight I am not sure what my wife saw in me other than being a kind, fun, hardworking guy with a good sense of family.

Lots of sacrifice hard work, saving, DIY, etc. eventually led to middle class and now an upper middle class lifestyle.

I realize that many women aspire to more comfort than that, but I don’t think they would be a good partner to me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

Still you didn’t marry a bartender. And wait till her mid 40s and your mid 50s. My exH and I had exact same setup for the first marriage. Works for 12-15 years then contempt builds up in mid life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the most part YES. I think women are better off deprioritizing dating after this time frame and building a wonderful life on their own. If some awesome dude comes along fine. If not, so what your life is still awesome. I run across too many women complaining about the crap quality of men at this stage and not living their full lives.

They're complaining because they don't want to face the reality that they're not so great themselves. Hence, they're single in their 30s/40s.

NP. That's one possibility. The other possibility is that sons raised by people like you really do suck.

Take note girls- this attitude is how you become your cat hoarding aunt.

Taking advice from losers who like to invoke nasty tropes against women is how you end up married to a hateful misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

DP

Guarantee this guys "awesome wife" has done everything for the past 33 years while he shows up and gets congratulated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.

I am now an ex wife in this power dynamics. My not working for 10 years of marriage was disastrous for relationship. He continued growing in his career, and overtime started putting me down and abusing financial control. He would say things like "you are nobody", "I can do whatever I want", "see what happens if you don't do XYZ". This is a marriage setup that is ripe for abuse and particular when the spouses hit hormonal crisis in mid life. My exH cheated with his work colleague (a woman his age), and we eventually divorced. Now he's dating a 20 years younger woman who is a copy of myself by her behavior and power dynamics that existed early in our marriage.
This is terrible, don't do it as a woman! Only very selfish. egocentric men who want to control enjoy this type of setup and then they turn against you when you are no longer a pretty arm candy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

+1 to the bolded. It's crazy how ambitious women look for ambitious men and then complain about how the men don't take care of the house. Lady, marry someone with a less demanding job. Both of you cannot always be under stress.

But young women who marry 8 years older have to be very aggressive with prenups or it is a no go. If you are going to give up your career to be with a man, you better make sure he has enough money to take care of you, and you set a prenup protecting you if you divorce.

For example, with this PP, his wife should have asked for 25% of his premarital earnings after the first child and 50% after the second. If he said no, I would have refused to marry him. You cannot give up your career for marriage to a settled man when none of that will benefit you in divorce. You'd be risking much more in the marriage than he is. You'd be making marital decisions based on his financial security which isn't really yours if he chooses to dial down on his career and walk away after 10 years in marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.

A prenup can fix the power dynamic. Women need to learn from Janet Jackson.

Any man who does not want to balance the dynamic with the prenup can keep looking. Or in this case, his wife could have pursued her accounting career to maintain independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.

I am now an ex wife in this power dynamics. My not working for 10 years of marriage was disastrous for relationship. He continued growing in his career, and overtime started putting me down and abusing financial control. He would say things like "you are nobody", "I can do whatever I want", "see what happens if you don't do XYZ". This is a marriage setup that is ripe for abuse and particular when the spouses hit hormonal crisis in mid life. My exH cheated with his work colleague (a woman his age), and we eventually divorced. Now he's dating a 20 years younger woman who is a copy of myself by her behavior and power dynamics that existed early in our marriage.
This is terrible, don't do it as a woman! Only very selfish. egocentric men who want to control enjoy this type of setup and then they turn against you when you are no longer a pretty arm candy

For what it is worth, I have friends who make more than their DHs yet their DHs still spew similar language. One used to call his wife dumb and useless even though he makes 2/3 of what she makes. A lot of men are aholes, and if you don't have a strong sense of self and an even stronger prenup that clearly states and accounts fir what you are giving up by staying home, never stay home longer than 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Yea, the people with the fewest issues are married by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

I think the move is to marry mid to late twenties and stay childless until 30. That way, you've locked the man in but you have a couple of years for him to mature before you have kids with him. But you have to stick to the plan of not having kids for a few years if you marry a younger guy.

Ew- you are a nightmare and show how romantic marriage is…..um. Lock him in and wait for him to mature, ok. Sounds like you bought a dog

But this can still be romantic. You meet in your 20s, fall in love and you both decide to wait until you are more settled in you 30s to have kids. This way you don't have to break up with someone you love because you are not ready to marry.
It worked for the Obamas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

+1 to the bolded. It's crazy how ambitious women look for ambitious men and then complain about how the men don't take care of the house. Lady, marry someone with a less demanding job. Both of you cannot always be under stress.

But young women who marry 8 years older have to be very aggressive with prenups or it is a no go. If you are going to give up your career to be with a man, you better make sure he has enough money to take care of you, and you set a prenup protecting you if you divorce.

For example, with this PP, his wife should have asked for 25% of his premarital earnings after the first child and 50% after the second. If he said no, I would have refused to marry him. You cannot give up your career for marriage to a settled man when none of that will benefit you in divorce. You'd be risking much more in the marriage than he is. You'd be making marital decisions based on his financial security which isn't really yours if he chooses to dial down on his career and walk away after 10 years in marriage.

Pre-marital earnings weren’t much. It’s when his career took off he started feeling invincible and entitled to a newer model. Thanks god I had a good degree in finance and was able to get my CPA on fast track within a year post divorce. I did get close to 50% in divorce settlement and now gainfully employed so I’m safe financially. But I can’t imagine how less fortunate SAHM may end up in their 40-50s