Are all the good men really taken by early thirties?

[Anonymous]

This whole argument is so dumb. And is a perfect example of what I'm talking about when I say the relationship board has become overrun by loser men from flyover.

One night out at any bar actually in DC will tell you most early 30somethings are single in this city. And no one wants to marry some loser who is closer to 40 and dating a guy or girl ten years younger. What a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

DP.
Define happy.

"Happiness" is overrated. I sometimes envy my single mom by choice friend. She is " happier" in the sense that her space is exactly as she wants it, and she does not feel sad over unmet expectations from a partner since she does not have one.

I have to compromise a lot with my DH. I'd like the house to be different. I'd like much much more romance and communication. But while certain aspects of my life are more unhappy than hers, my kids are definitely getting double the love, emotional and financial security that her kids are getting. I'd trade much more "happiness" for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

DP.
Define happy.

"Happiness" is overrated. I sometimes envy my single mom by choice friend. She is " happier" in the sense that her space is exactly as she wants it, and she does not feel sad over unmet expectations from a partner since she does not have one.

I have to compromise a lot with my DH. I'd like the house to be different. I'd like much much more romance and communication. But while certain aspects of my life are more unhappy than hers, my kids are definitely getting double the love, emotional and financial security that her kids are getting. I'd trade much more "happiness" for that.

I classify “unhappy” is when your spouse makes your life miserable each day to a point that it’s safer for your sanity to just be single.
Unfurtnately, this is vast majority of marriages. People in my circle stay married because they can’t afford a drop in lifestyle after divorce (usually for the wife and kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

DP.
Define happy.

"Happiness" is overrated. I sometimes envy my single mom by choice friend. She is " happier" in the sense that her space is exactly as she wants it, and she does not feel sad over unmet expectations from a partner since she does not have one.

I have to compromise a lot with my DH. I'd like the house to be different. I'd like much much more romance and communication. But while certain aspects of my life are more unhappy than hers, my kids are definitely getting double the love, emotional and financial security that her kids are getting. I'd trade much more "happiness" for that.

Perhaps that is what you tell yourself to get over your envy.

A single mom by choice who planned her kids can get much more love and emotional security from supportive grandparents, aunts and friends than what they'd get from the majority of dud dads out there. A guy who earns a paycheck only to come home and vegetate in front of the console or computer is a net loss. The woman and kids are vastly better off if his check comes in the mail and he vegetates off-site, where you aren't obligated to feed, clothe and clean up after him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

I think the move is to marry mid to late twenties and stay childless until 30. That way, you've locked the man in but you have a couple of years for him to mature before you have kids with him. But you have to stick to the plan of not having kids for a few years if you marry a younger guy.

Yes, we married at 27 and had kids in late 30s. Perfect for us! Lots of DINK fun the first decade, then were in charge when kids came along so we had decent work situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

DP.
Define happy.

"Happiness" is overrated. I sometimes envy my single mom by choice friend. She is " happier" in the sense that her space is exactly as she wants it, and she does not feel sad over unmet expectations from a partner since she does not have one.

I have to compromise a lot with my DH. I'd like the house to be different. I'd like much much more romance and communication. But while certain aspects of my life are more unhappy than hers, my kids are definitely getting double the love, emotional and financial security that her kids are getting. I'd trade much more "happiness" for that.

Perhaps that is what you tell yourself to get over your envy.

A single mom by choice who planned her kids can get much more love and emotional security from supportive grandparents, aunts and friends than what they'd get from the majority of dud dads out there. A guy who earns a paycheck only to come home and vegetate in front of the console or computer is a net loss. The woman and kids are vastly better off if his check comes in the mail and he vegetates off-site, where you aren't obligated to feed, clothe and clean up after him.

+1

Where are all the single moms complaining ? Another forum I presume.

Does the complaining rise to the level of deadbeat husband complaining?

[Anonymous]

Guys need to remember that: A rich man can meet a poor lady and change her life, but a rich woman wont even look at a poor guy way.

Men love unconditionally
Women love conditionally.

[Anonymous]

I was one of the last to get married at 31 and we're all now 40

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys need to remember that: A rich man can meet a poor lady and change her life, but a rich woman wont even look at a poor guy way.

Men love unconditionally
Women love conditionally.

Untrue: Men love if she's pretty and submissive. This is conditional love: she brings something that he needs to the table.

Women can love unconditionally but only their children.

Men love children of the woman they sleep with at this given moment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

DP.
Define happy.

"Happiness" is overrated. I sometimes envy my single mom by choice friend. She is " happier" in the sense that her space is exactly as she wants it, and she does not feel sad over unmet expectations from a partner since she does not have one.

I have to compromise a lot with my DH. I'd like the house to be different. I'd like much much more romance and communication. But while certain aspects of my life are more unhappy than hers, my kids are definitely getting double the love, emotional and financial security that her kids are getting. I'd trade much more "happiness" for that.

If you were happy, you wouldn't be peeping this hard over your "friend's" shoulder and comparing your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating. I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job. There can be only one starting quarterback on the team. The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc.. They call this hypergamy. The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them. That's just the way it is. As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself. She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids. The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too. My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you. Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind. They couldn't be careless about your career. YMMV.

This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.

A prenup can fix the power dynamic. Women need to learn from Janet Jackson.

Any man who does not want to balance the dynamic with the prenup can keep looking. Or in this case, his wife could have pursued her accounting career to maintain independence.

Lol. You're not a litigator, are you? The monied half of the equation can always challenge the prenup and drag out proceedings, if so inclined, until the penniless half settles for less. Power is power. There's no piece of paper that changes that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

I think the move is to marry mid to late twenties and stay childless until 30. That way, you've locked the man in but you have a couple of years for him to mature before you have kids with him. But you have to stick to the plan of not having kids for a few years if you marry a younger guy.

Yes, we married at 27 and had kids in late 30s. Perfect for us! Lots of DINK fun the first decade, then were in charge when kids came along so we had decent work situations.

I married at 24 and had my first at 31. My parents married at 21 and didn't have their first until 28. I personally think if you marry young taking advantage of being able to wait and have some fun and get settled before kids is a better idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

Odd? Or maybe just maybe, some people don’t want to get married. It’s unbelievable that people hold marriage on a pedestal. Everybody I know that’s been married or is married says they would never do this marriage thing again but everybody rushes out to do it. Studies have shown that married women are leading the unhappinest human categories.

What in the actual eff are you trying to convince people of? Every single person you know hates their marriage? That is what you have convinced yourself of because no one ever picked you?

I really do hope you not only belive this but also that you share it publically. It makes Id'ing the lunatics so much easier.

- 52 yo man still madly in love with his awesome wife after 33 years. Also the son to two wonderful people still madly in love after 56 years.

The percentage of happy marriages is very low though

Exactly. I’m the poster here was responding too and I’m not saying that no good marriage exists anywhere but my friends whom don’t even have horrible marriages have said that if something happens where the marriage doesn’t work out, they wouldn’t do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

As a divorced man who is 46 and has 2 kids, I will not recommend a divorced man like me. Not only we are at the age where we have to worry about elderly parents, we have to worry about college, child support, and our career which is at the peak point. It's very unlikely that we want to remarry and raise kids again. And as a single woman who still has so much of her time and love to offer to someone, I don't think a divorced man juggling several responsibilities is the best you can do.

Women who have never had kids are better off with single men in similar situations.

I often see never married women with no kids getting married to divorce men and I just don't get it. I guess these men are extremely rich and can afford to start over and hire 2 nannies, outsource everything, can already retire right now and have enough for the next 100 years, I don't know it's strange