Are all the good men really taken by early thirties?

[Anonymous]

It seems like once you enter mid to late thirties it’s slim pickings. All the responsible good quality men are already married, snagged by smart women in their twenties!

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Yep, it was slim pickings by 35. I’m 50 though so I don’t know if things have changed since DH and I got married at twenty years ago.

[Anonymous]

I think 35 is a big turning point. Guys who remain single longer than that tend to be odd. You’re better off finding someone who’s been divorced once they’re past that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the responsible good quality men are already married

They are not married to wives on DCUM.

Who are these woman, married to good quality men, and what is their secret?

[Anonymous]

Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

I think the move is to marry mid to late twenties and stay childless until 30. That way, you've locked the man in but you have a couple of years for him to mature before you have kids with him. But you have to stick to the plan of not having kids for a few years if you marry a younger guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

I think the move is to marry mid to late twenties and stay childless until 30. That way, you've locked the man in but you have a couple of years for him to mature before you have kids with him. But you have to stick to the plan of not having kids for a few years if you marry a younger guy.

+1. I hate putting women in the position of managing life at the jump, but I really agree with this. So many women I know have had to set the tone for their lives (timing of marriage, waiting for and then timing of kids, pulling the trigger to buy a house, etc.), and have successfully done so. But what a lot of responsibility. The women I envy are not wealthy, young looking, or taking fabulous trips. They're the ones who have partners who truly remain engaged with the family, take responsibility for their role, and find genuine enjoyment in it. This is the ultimate flex, not the big diamond or house.

[Anonymous]

No. And only effing idiots believe this.

[Anonymous]

For the most part YES. I think women are better off deprioritizing dating after this time frame and building a wonderful life on their own. If some awesome dude comes along fine. If not, so what your life is still awesome. I run across too many women complaining about the crap quality of men at this stage and not living their full lives.

[Anonymous]

incel scare story

[Anonymous]

Extremely hard to vet a guy as a father when he's in his mid-20s. So it's a risk marrying someone then and delaying kids "while they mature." This is a recipe for spending 5-8 years with a man you are waiting to grow the heck up, and freaking out as you near 35 and still haven't had kids yet.

I've known women who did this and were divorced by 30 and in the exact same boat.

Another thing I've seen: men who marry in their 20s, don't grow up, wives divorce them in their mid-30s, then they freak out and realize they might end up along if they dont' shape up, wind up married with a kid within a couple years. And the kicker is that most of these men appear to be pretty doting husbands and fathers, because they know what went wrong with their first marriage and are working hard to avoid it so they don't wind up alone.

So the woman who married them early wound up teaching them major lessons about maturity, but then some other woman reaps the benefits. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

I got married younger than most of my friends (I was 30). Some of my friends got married or found their person in late 30’s and early 40’s, so it seems possible to find someone good. I even had friends who got married and divorced in their 20’s and went on to second marriages in their late 30’s

[Anonymous]

It happens with women, too!

[Anonymous]

Yes