Reply to Are all the good men really taken by early thirties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound. [/quote]

45(M) got married at the age of 35 to a 25(F) after one year of dating.  I made over 2M at the age of 35 in FinTech, and the last thing I wanted to do in my life was to be married to a doctor, lawyer, or someone who has a full-time pressure-cooking job.  There can be only one starting quarterback on the team.  The vast majority of successful women, those that make over 1M, don't want to be married to a mechanic, plumber, etc..  They call this hypergamy.  The vast majority of men out there are just invisible to them.  That's just the way it is.  As for me, I am married to a woman who received her accounting degree from GMU, and after we got married, she quit her job to pursue her passion for violin, piano, and had a lot of time to improve herself.  She also devoted a lot of time to raising our two kids.  The past ten years have been the best time of my life, and hers too.  My advice to young women out there, between the ages of 22 and 25, is to look for guys who are between eight and ten years older than you.  Those guys are already established financially, and they are ready to marry if you're reasonably attractive and kind.  They couldn't be careless about your career.  YMMV.[/quote]
This is terrible advice. I'd love to hear your wife's point of view. Your advising women to marry into a power dynamic that's completely skewed against them financially and experience-wise. What happens when that guy decides to use that power against them? But you don't care though because that's not your problem.[/quote]

I am now an ex wife in this power dynamics. My not working for 10 years of marriage was disastrous for relationship. He continued growing in his career, and overtime started putting me down and abusing financial control. He would say things like "you are nobody", "I can do whatever I want", "see what happens if you don't do XYZ". This is a marriage setup that is ripe for abuse and particular when the spouses hit hormonal crisis in mid life. My exH cheated with his work colleague (a woman his age), and we eventually divorced. Now he's dating a 20 years younger woman who is a copy of myself by her behavior and power dynamics that existed early in our marriage. 
This is terrible, don't do it as a woman! Only very selfish. egocentric men who want to control enjoy this type of setup and then they turn against you when you are no longer a pretty arm candy [/quote]

For what it is worth, I have friends who make more than their DHs yet their DHs still spew similar language. One used to call his wife dumb and useless even though he makes 2/3 of what she makes. A lot of men are aholes, and if you don't have a strong sense of self and an even stronger prenup that clearly states and accounts fir what you are giving up by staying home, never stay home longer than 6 months.[/quote]

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