How do I handle questions and judgment about not working when the real reason is private?

[Anonymous]

My DH works or travels several nights per week and fairly regularly on at least one weekend day. He doesn’t have off work on school holidays, teacher workdays, etc.

Most people who don’t understand what I do have a spouse who is more available than mine is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people really asking, "what do you do all day?" because honestly being a stay at home mom is really common. Are people really judging you or are you internalizing your own discomfort with not working? (Not judging, just asking)

I wish people would believe women when they say this. Just because you wouldn’t say it, or maybe haven’t heard it uttered to another SAHM in your presence, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It happens, all too frequently. It’s disgusting. I wish I had advice, OP, but I’m here in solidarity!

This!!!! I have been asked “What do you do all day?” numerous times, and yes, with that exact wording. Like ok so YOU personally cannot imagine how you might fill your time productively and meaningfully without external corporate structure and pressure telling you what to do……that is your issue, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was very involuntarily laid off/DOGED at the age of 57 and was hoping to retire at 62, so that moved things up. After a life of working and with a teenager (yup, old mom too) I was dreading these questions. Found anything? Where have you landed? Any luck? And the answer is no, nowhere, and no, the job market sucks. Anyway my point being, I fudged and lied at first and said how busy things seemed until I realized it’s true. Teenagers are more needy than little kids I feel like! So now I say my job is essentially working for my kid and getting her where she needs to be and it’s more work than I realized, and that maybe after she gets her license the job market will be better. You could try something like that.

Or you could say it’s a full time job looking for friends who aren’t giant a-holes.

This is hilarious!
Its also kind of odd that some people (is it bitterness or actual bewilderment?) cannot fathom a regular day based off their days off or the context of running a family.

[Anonymous]

This is just weird. I’ve never once thought to ask someone why they don’t work, nor have I overheard anyone else asking this. I’d simply say, “This situation is what works best for my family right now” and not give any follow up clarification. Repeat if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people really asking, "what do you do all day?" because honestly being a stay at home mom is really common. Are people really judging you or are you internalizing your own discomfort with not working? (Not judging, just asking)

OP here. Unfortunately, yes, it’s a common question I get when meeting new people once they hear how old our children are.

If people are actually saying "what do you do all day?" or looking at your financial situation and judging, frankly, you do not want them as friends. Just answer, "this is the best decision for our family," and move on.

FYI - my youngest is in college and I am still "at home." I volunteer, provide a lot of support to older kids, and run our households. Going back to work at this stage when we don't need the money, makes no sense and would contribute little to our quality of life.

NP. Same situation here.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to justify your choices. My go to answer was “whatever ai want to do.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM, but as my kids get older, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to know what to say when people, both new acquaintances and old friends, ask about what I “do” or why I’m not working.

Say something like "I eat, drink, and crap." then give them the smirk stare.
If they don't get the message to mind their own biz, then tell them, "Mind your own fking business."

[Anonymous]

It's very simple, OP. Just say you are unemployed. This will end subsequent inquiries and make people asking it feel like an a$$, especially in DC area. With so many people laid off and government shutdowns and new mass layoffs announcements, this become a very uncomfortable topic for casual conversations to explore or pass judgements.

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM, but as my kids get older, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to know what to say when people, both new acquaintances and old friends, ask about what I “do” or why I’m not working.

Say something like "I eat, drink, and crap." then give them the smirk stare.
If they don't get the message to mind their own biz, then tell them, "Mind your own fking business."

Asking people how they spend their days is an innocuous get-to-know you question. This answer is a good reminder how antisocial many of the posters are around here. Come up with a bland answer OP- the truth is nobody cares. They are just trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM, but as my kids get older, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to know what to say when people, both new acquaintances and old friends, ask about what I “do” or why I’m not working.

Say something like "I eat, drink, and crap." then give them the smirk stare.
If they don't get the message to mind their own biz, then tell them, "Mind your own fking business."

Asking people how they spend their days is an innocuous get-to-know you question. This answer is a good reminder how antisocial many of the posters are around here. Come up with a bland answer OP- the truth is nobody cares. They are just trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you.

How can they not know what a SAHM does? Cooking, cleaning, driving appointments? Would they ask a receptionist or security guard what they do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I have my reasons but I don’t want to get into it.” Smile, then immediately ask a question that changes the subject.

I kind of love this

[Anonymous]

Say you’re working on a novel. This can go on in perpetuity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM, but as my kids get older, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to know what to say when people, both new acquaintances and old friends, ask about what I “do” or why I’m not working.

Say something like "I eat, drink, and crap." then give them the smirk stare.
If they don't get the message to mind their own biz, then tell them, "Mind your own fking business."

Asking people how they spend their days is an innocuous get-to-know you question. This answer is a good reminder how antisocial many of the posters are around here. Come up with a bland answer OP- the truth is nobody cares. They are just trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you.

Asking someone what the enjoy doing, or if they have hobbies is a getting to know you question. "What do you do all day?" is hostile and implies that they do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people really asking, "what do you do all day?" because honestly being a stay at home mom is really common. Are people really judging you or are you internalizing your own discomfort with not working? (Not judging, just asking)

NP well I have been asked that a few times! People are so rude.

[Anonymous]

Wow people are rude. I work part time. There is SO f’in much to do all day every day I don’t understand these people. I do laundry, dishes, organize, clean up, cook, drive kids places, pick em up, play, homework, more laundry, watch sports they do, coordinate appointments, pick up prescriptions, coordinate activities, coordinate paying help, school crap, friend stuff, laundry, walk the dog, go to the store, go to the hardware store, have things done like gutters, vent cleaning and on and on and on it goes. How TF would there not be enough to do every day?!