Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

I agree. Extroverts train ourselves to do less and introverts can train themselves to do more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's that deep. Some people are very awkward and/or rude. Who cares. They will lead the lives they have chosen. And you will lead yours.

It does seem weird to give this much thought. Who cares if people are talking to you?

[Anonymous]

I am fine at professional chit chat - not great at mom cliques so I gravitate to other people who look like they want to talk to them and strike up a convo. Also dads standing around are generally friendlier than the moms maybe because it is more out of their element.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

This is why everyone hates New Yorkers, and I'm from the Northeast.

But that's not how most New Yorkers act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Why do you assume people who are casually chatting with you at your kids' school want to be friends with you and obsess over money and work achievements? This is the kind of take I'd expect from someone who isn't very socially intelligent. It's just small talk. It's not that deep.

Except some people are uninterested in small talk. As is their right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Why do you assume people who are casually chatting with you at your kids' school want to be friends with you and obsess over money and work achievements? This is the kind of take I'd expect from someone who isn't very socially intelligent. It's just small talk. It's not that deep.

Except some people are uninterested in small talk. As is their right.

Obviously it's their right. Just like it's obviously other people's right to find that behavior odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Why do you assume people who are casually chatting with you at your kids' school want to be friends with you and obsess over money and work achievements? This is the kind of take I'd expect from someone who isn't very socially intelligent. It's just small talk. It's not that deep.

Except some people are uninterested in small talk. As is their right.

It's fine if you're uninterested. But that doesn't give you the right to be rude to the person. Do you not know how to politely respond to someone even if you are uninterested? I swear some of you were raised in a barn.

[Anonymous]

So yeah, I’m one of these moms that OP is talking about. I have always been painfully shy and introverted. I can fake being nice in professional settings for a limited amount of time but it is very draining for me.
I’m a stay at home mom now and dealing with other parents is by the hardest part of parenting for me. I am literally incapable of small talk. I get very flustered and just give short answers. With my close friends I’m talkative but I am very akward with people I don’t know.
People make assumptions because I’m fashionable so they see me as aloof or snobby. In reality, I’d love to be a social butterfly but it is painful for me to have to chit chat with a stranger about a topic that I haven’t thought about beforehand. It also doesn’t help that the vast majority of moms at my kids’ preschool work and don’t seem to share my passions of gardening, fashion, and interior design. Some literally roll thier eyes when I have brought up that stuff so it makes me even more hesitant to talk about myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is insane and betrays your cluelessness.

I’m the poster who first mentioned the metro. I actually never use it. But this week I’m helping out one of my kids with the grandkids (I retired early after making a boat load of money), and I’ve been taking the metro because her house isn’t that close to it and this way I can get a good walk in. I need my daily exercise!

I was surprised to discover that it costs 10 dollar a day round trip and while riding it I actually thought “this is a lot of money for a lot of daily commuters and must be tough for them . . . metro should be free.”

We get it. You live metro. Most people don’t. Enjoy your public transportation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is insane and betrays your cluelessness.

I’m the poster who first mentioned the metro. I actually never use it. But this week I’m helping out one of my kids with the grandkids (I retired early after making a boat load of money), and I’ve been taking the metro because her house isn’t that close to it and this way I can get a good walk in. I need my daily exercise!

I was surprised to discover that it costs 10 dollar a day round trip and while riding it I actually thought “this is a lot of money for a lot of daily commuters and must be tough for them . . . metro should be free.”

We get it. You live metro. Most people don’t. Enjoy your public transportation

I “live” metro? Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is insane and betrays your cluelessness.

I’m the poster who first mentioned the metro. I actually never use it. But this week I’m helping out one of my kids with the grandkids (I retired early after making a boat load of money), and I’ve been taking the metro because her house isn’t that close to it and this way I can get a good walk in. I need my daily exercise!

I was surprised to discover that it costs 10 dollar a day round trip and while riding it I actually thought “this is a lot of money for a lot of daily commuters and must be tough for them . . . metro should be free.”

We get it. You live metro. Most people don’t. Enjoy your public transportation

Such a bizarre “retort.” When the best you got is to knock somebody for taking the metro you know you’ve lost the argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So yeah, I’m one of these moms that OP is talking about. I have always been painfully shy and introverted. I can fake being nice in professional settings for a limited amount of time but it is very draining for me.
I’m a stay at home mom now and dealing with other parents is by the hardest part of parenting for me. I am literally incapable of small talk. I get very flustered and just give short answers. With my close friends I’m talkative but I am very akward with people I don’t know.
People make assumptions because I’m fashionable so they see me as aloof or snobby. In reality, I’d love to be a social butterfly but it is painful for me to have to chit chat with a stranger about a topic that I haven’t thought about beforehand. It also doesn’t help that the vast majority of moms at my kids’ preschool work and don’t seem to share my passions of gardening, fashion, and interior design. Some literally roll thier eyes when I have brought up that stuff so it makes me even more hesitant to talk about myself.

Maybe reframe and don't think of it as faking being nice. Just be nice. Ask people questions about themselves. So easy. That's all it takes. No one really wants to talk about their job or your hobbies and honestly that should rarely come up. I never talk about my job and no one asks.

How is INSERT CHILD'S NAME doing?
How many kids do you have? What grade are they in? Where do they go to school?
What are your summer plans?
What are your winter break plans?
What are your spring break plans?
How was your summer?
What does INSERT CHILD'S NAME enjoy doing outside of school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Yes. I have seen this too. I thought this was just American culture.

America is a huge country and there is no one culture. I was in a small town in PA recently and was looking at some chocolate muffins in the grocery store. A random woman said, "These are a great price." I said, "Yeah, and they look really good." She said, "I always buy extra when they go on sale and put them in my freezer." I said, "I'm from out of town so I can't do that, but good for you." Then we said goodbye and went on our way. If I had said "These are a great price" to a stranger in the grocery store in the dc area, they would have acted like they hadn't heard me and then just moved away.

Hahhaa love it. Im from thr dc area and would totally talk about muffins with a random person for 5 min. I find it odd when ppl arent friendly and chatty but dont take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this area, it’s all snobbery. They’ve looked you up in the directory beforehand, don’t recognize you from their club and therefore know you’re not someone they need to know. Wise not to give any accidentally friendly signals. And they ideally don’t want their kids being friendly with yours.

You might be onto something. Several people who didn’t care to talk to us suddenly became friendly after my spouse got a high-profile job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is insane and betrays your cluelessness.

I’m the poster who first mentioned the metro. I actually never use it. But this week I’m helping out one of my kids with the grandkids (I retired early after making a boat load of money), and I’ve been taking the metro because her house isn’t that close to it and this way I can get a good walk in. I need my daily exercise!

I was surprised to discover that it costs 10 dollar a day round trip and while riding it I actually thought “this is a lot of money for a lot of daily commuters and must be tough for them . . . metro should be free.”

We get it. You live metro. Most people don’t. Enjoy your public transportation

This is so stupid. Do you live in rural Alabama? Plenty of affluent people in the DMV pay more to live near public transportation and take Metro.