Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

Yes! It hurts, but parents like this either get humbled quickly when they need something from the friendly masses beneath their imagined social status, or they realize the people with actual status... are nice and don't need to put on airs.

Like what? They will literally never need you so stop fantasizing about revenge. They have nannies or enough money to hire a babysitter on the fly, their houses have alarms, they can drive themselves or if their car isn't working they can take uber, if they need an ingredient for a recipe they have it delivered, if their kid is sick they have ice cream delivered, if their kids are at an afterschool event and they can't get there in time they hire a driver or pay the neighbor's nanny to pick them up, etc. They will literally never need to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor. Just stop.

This is so funny because snobby and stuck up doesn’t necessarily equal well off. I live in a town house neighborhood and no one here is wealthy like that, but there are plenty of unfriendly moms hanging around.

I’d argue the 40 something unfriendly mom is more a suburban UMC phenomenon. Truly wealthy women have fun and don’t need to act snobby.

[Anonymous]

I hate people and don’t want yo encourage you to talk to me. You’ll get a distracted smile and a hi at best.

[Anonymous]

I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

Yes! It hurts, but parents like this either get humbled quickly when they need something from the friendly masses beneath their imagined social status, or they realize the people with actual status... are nice and don't need to put on airs.

Like what? They will literally never need you so stop fantasizing about revenge. They have nannies or enough money to hire a babysitter on the fly, their houses have alarms, they can drive themselves or if their car isn't working they can take uber, if they need an ingredient for a recipe they have it delivered, if their kid is sick they have ice cream delivered, if their kids are at an afterschool event and they can't get there in time they hire a driver or pay the neighbor's nanny to pick them up, etc. They will literally never need to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor. Just stop.

This is so funny because snobby and stuck up doesn’t necessarily equal well off. I live in a town house neighborhood and no one here is wealthy like that, but there are plenty of unfriendly moms hanging around.

I’d argue the 40 something unfriendly mom is more a suburban UMC phenomenon. Truly wealthy women have fun and don’t need to act snobby.

This is demonstrably not true. There are a-holes at all income levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is dumb. I ride the NYC subway all the time and see celebs on the train.

Moron, the DC metro is not the NYC subway.

So? They’re both public transportation. Rich and famous people use public transportation. Hence, she is wrong.

Not in dc.

Just another way in which DC is inferior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

People in NY are so much nicer than people in DC.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Interesting reading over these responses. I'm really glad for those of you who have not experienced this! TBH I find it surprising as well.

I do want to note, I'm not talking about friendships or even really "chit chat." I don't care if people don't want to talk or sustain conversation. I have days like that too. I'm talking just about demeanor in extremely short exchanges. Like just saying hello with anything resembling pleasure, or bothering to recognize, for instance, that our kids are in the same class or know each other.

I've had the bizarre experience of my child coming out of school or an activity with another student, clearly having a great time together, and the kids say goodbye enthusiastically, and I will turn to their parents and say "well see you next week!" and they will look blankly back at me like "why are you talking to me?" Uh, because our kids are friendly and are classmates or in the same activity, and we will probably see each other over and over and over again during the course of the year, and it makes sense to me to make those interactions pleasant?

I don't understand the insistence on pretending like we don't know each other or have nothing to do with one another. I'm not inviting anyone on vacation or suggesting dinner dates. I'm literally just saying hello or introducing myself so they know I'm Larla's more or whatever.

They are not pretending. They don't want to interact with you. You don't have to understand just accept it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

Yes! It hurts, but parents like this either get humbled quickly when they need something from the friendly masses beneath their imagined social status, or they realize the people with actual status... are nice and don't need to put on airs.

Like what? They will literally never need you so stop fantasizing about revenge. They have nannies or enough money to hire a babysitter on the fly, their houses have alarms, they can drive themselves or if their car isn't working they can take uber, if they need an ingredient for a recipe they have it delivered, if their kid is sick they have ice cream delivered, if their kids are at an afterschool event and they can't get there in time they hire a driver or pay the neighbor's nanny to pick them up, etc. They will literally never need to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor. Just stop.

These women indeed need nothing until DH runs off with a young co-worker and their social circles dissolve. Then they suddenly hit the B-list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

Everyone is nicer to pretty people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is dumb. I ride the NYC subway all the time and see celebs on the train.

Moron, the DC metro is not the NYC subway.

It’s “public transportation” isn’t it?

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

I suspect because many people here are self-important and stuck up. I don't care, I keep putting it out there, and have had it click with a few people, nice enough conversations with a few others.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you watch too many cheesy soap operas about how rich people supposedly act as if there’s some kind of spell that happens at a certain income that controls their behavior.

[Anonymous]

I like my men incompetent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is dumb. I ride the NYC subway all the time and see celebs on the train.

Moron, the DC metro is not the NYC subway.

So? They’re both public transportation. Rich and famous people use public transportation. Hence, she is wrong.

Not in dc.

NP here. Haven’t read all the responses, but you know that people like the PP above are living in some ugly McMansion in suburbia and terrified of taking the Metro because they don’t know how to exist in a city. But instead of realizing this about themselves, they are trying to make the argument that only the poors take the Metro to make themselves feel better. People from all walks of life take the Metro. It’s often much more convenient than driving. Just because you’re too scared to use it doesn’t mean others are.

What a crazy post. I don't ride the subway because I love to drive but I used to use metro all the time before I had a car. No rich and famous people ride metro. Why would they? Driving is much more convenient. This isn't NY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

Yes! It hurts, but parents like this either get humbled quickly when they need something from the friendly masses beneath their imagined social status, or they realize the people with actual status... are nice and don't need to put on airs.

Like what? They will literally never need you so stop fantasizing about revenge. They have nannies or enough money to hire a babysitter on the fly, their houses have alarms, they can drive themselves or if their car isn't working they can take uber, if they need an ingredient for a recipe they have it delivered, if their kid is sick they have ice cream delivered, if their kids are at an afterschool event and they can't get there in time they hire a driver or pay the neighbor's nanny to pick them up, etc. They will literally never need to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor. Just stop.

This is so funny because snobby and stuck up doesn’t necessarily equal well off. I live in a town house neighborhood and no one here is wealthy like that, but there are plenty of unfriendly moms hanging around.

The PP said "Someday they'll be sorry when they need something." They will never need something from you.