Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

I've never experienced this. Ever. And I'm not even particularly friendly.

[Anonymous]

Is this a private school thing?

[Anonymous]

If people talk to me, I'm friendly, but I'm not putting effort to getting to know other parents I probably don't have anything in common with, at least pre-kindergarten. I already am happy with my friend group. My kid is 4 and probably won't see most of these kids from preK again. I'll put more of an effort in in kindergarten when my kid is in the same school for several years.

[Anonymous]

I would've gladly let you chew in my ear in that situation.....but I would've said goodbye and likely never see or hear from you ever again. But I agree, people suck

[Anonymous]

I've never experienced this.

I'm shy, so maybe some parents think I'm cold and unfriendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

Said no one ever. Metro is for the people barely making it

This is insane and betrays your cluelessness.

I’m the poster who first mentioned the metro. I actually never use it. But this week I’m helping out one of my kids with the grandkids (I retired early after making a boat load of money), and I’ve been taking the metro because her house isn’t that close to it and this way I can get a good walk in. I need my daily exercise!

I was surprised to discover that it costs 10 dollar a day round trip and while riding it I actually thought “this is a lot of money for a lot of daily commuters and must be tough for them . . . metro should be free.”

We get it. You live metro. Most people don’t. Enjoy your public transportation

This is so stupid. Do you live in rural Alabama? Plenty of affluent people in the DMV pay more to live near public transportation and take Metro.

She’d like us to believe that when she’s not trolling anonymously on the Internet she’s being driven around in a limousine

[Anonymous]

At any kind of school event, it's bizarre that people wouldn't deign to engage in a little polite chit-chat. This is a community, not strangers on a train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

I agree. Extroverts train ourselves to do less and introverts can train themselves to do more.

This is true. As an introvert, it can be exhausting to got to social events because I know I have to be “on”. I’m not going to go and sit alone or refuse to talk to people. I make the effort, but it can be draining so I don’t stack my calendar full of these things. I need to recharge for the next one because I know what the expectations are. But it’s not going to be a daily thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So yeah, I’m one of these moms that OP is talking about. I have always been painfully shy and introverted. I can fake being nice in professional settings for a limited amount of time but it is very draining for me.
I’m a stay at home mom now and dealing with other parents is by the hardest part of parenting for me. I am literally incapable of small talk. I get very flustered and just give short answers. With my close friends I’m talkative but I am very akward with people I don’t know.
People make assumptions because I’m fashionable so they see me as aloof or snobby. In reality, I’d love to be a social butterfly but it is painful for me to have to chit chat with a stranger about a topic that I haven’t thought about beforehand. It also doesn’t help that the vast majority of moms at my kids’ preschool work and don’t seem to share my passions of gardening, fashion, and interior design. Some literally roll thier eyes when I have brought up that stuff so it makes me even more hesitant to talk about myself.

It sounds like you have money and time and most moms wirh young kids are short on both. Thats probably the only reason. If you don't know about a topic just ask questions. Thats what I do and it works for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? I had an awkward moment at back to school night with a couple (both mom and dad), they would not even look at me, and then I found out from the mom of my kid’s friend that the previous school year, my kid told the other kid he was being annoying and acting like a baby and now apparently his parents are holding a grudge about it. Lol. Oh, kid drama …

I can't stand parents who do playground politics. I'd continue to be friendly out of rebellion. May I'd even ramp up the friendliness to make them uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

Yes! It hurts, but parents like this either get humbled quickly when they need something from the friendly masses beneath their imagined social status, or they realize the people with actual status... are nice and don't need to put on airs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an introverted person who hates small talk. I don't think I have actually snubbed anyone, if someone approaches me I will engage. But I will not initiate it or keep the convo going. It's draining to me to speak to strangers. It's not personal.

Also my youngest kid is in their final year at their elementary school and I don't need or want more connections there. I've already mentally moved on.

I'm an introvert also, and feel the same way. Well said. I'll answer questions, and perhaps chit-chat, but I'm not going to ask you anything more than "which tree is your kid" because I hate doing it, and truly don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

DP, but this is hilarious. You admonish the PP to not assume anything about people, but then in the same paragraph assume that anyone who rides the metro is not successful.

[Anonymous]

“Sorry to bother you”
And act annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the DC area. People here don’t have basic social intelligence. It’s one of the things that make daily interactions here so unpleasant. As if saying hello or chatting for 2 minutes while at your kid’s school is just SO annoying and taxing that you can’t even bring yourself to do it. No one is trying to be your BFF or social climb by asking how your kid likes their teacher. So I’ll continue saying hi when I see you and I’ll comment on the traffic or whatever while we’re standing next to each other at the game this weekend watching our kids play on the same team because I like a world where people exchange pleasantries.

That's great, but some of us don't. What you're saying is that your preferences should take precedence over mine, and I am obliged to interact with you even if I'd prefer not to, otherwise I'm perceived as "rude." But there's no self-reflection that forcing your conversation and pleasantries onto others is actually the rude action.