Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

[Anonymous]

Do you have bad breath?

[Anonymous]

I haven't had that experience. Most people are grateful for any small talk to make the event less awkward. Unless you're talking during the concert/performance, I wouldn’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I would love to know as well. My theory is that they’re so egotistical they actually worry I’m going to try to insinuate myself into their “circle”. I’m just being polite!

But try to take the long game, OP. After years as a parent of school-age kids I’ve had several of these ice queens eventually try to befriend ME after one of their children wants to play with mine or they realize I’m organize some kind of event.

[Anonymous]

1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP if this is happening often, then you may want to look at yourself or your child’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

Some people think acting like that is a sign of status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

[Anonymous]

There are so many reasons for this. It could be that they are introverted, could be some depression or social anxiety, could have gotten laid off recently and trying to figure out how to put food on table, could be unhappy marriage, could be exhausted from raising children with special needs…it could literally be a million and one reasons. Don’t take it personally. You will find your people and those pleasant people may not be fellow parents.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you. Or they’re really socially awkward and don’t know how to act in public. Either way, f ‘em.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

People in NY are so much nicer than people in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Yes. I have seen this too. I thought this was just American culture.

[Anonymous]

I do my best, but I don't really enjoy talking to people all that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Yes. I have seen this too. I thought this was just American culture.

America is a huge country and there is no one culture. I was in a small town in PA recently and was looking at some chocolate muffins in the grocery store. A random woman said, "These are a great price." I said, "Yeah, and they look really good." She said, "I always buy extra when they go on sale and put them in my freezer." I said, "I'm from out of town so I can't do that, but good for you." Then we said goodbye and went on our way. If I had said "These are a great price" to a stranger in the grocery store in the dc area, they would have acted like they hadn't heard me and then just moved away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

What are you talking about? New Yorkers are amazing! They are so down to earth and fun to be around.