Do you judge other women based on the social status of their husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, here’s my experience as a female physician. I attended a dinner with several other friends of friends, all doctors. I said hello to the woman across the table from me, and the first question out of her mouth was “and what does your husband do?”.

Needless to say it was a short conversation, but a preview of what was to come. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how successful I am, there is far more worth placed on the status or occupation of my would-be male partner. I’m single, so it’s a disappointing reality for a few reasons.

A sort of flipside to that: I'm a female lawyer and my DH is a lawyer and we have attended a lot of social functions where there are 6 or 7 of us lawyers and then spouses. And the lawyers are a bunch of men and me, and then there are the wives. And I end up pulled over into the wives' conversation about where to go for vacay, and competitive bs about their kids, and who knows whatever horrifically boring stuff while the men are in the corner talking about a big case that they don't understand (because they aren't litigating it -- I am). I call it getting "wife'd."

Are you unable to politely extricate yourself and join the lawyer talk? Is one of the wives holding you down?

It sounds like you are very unfamiliar with this kind of a situation. Yes, I can extricate myself—and I have. Which leads to nastiness and jealousy from the DWs. The last time I did this one of the wives was staring over at me and loudly saying “Not like other girls!!!”

If you haven’t been in this situation, you probably aren’t going to understand it.

DP. I’ve been in this situation too. I’m surprised at all of the people saying that they have never ever seen anything like this.

NP partner in biglaw and yes i'm surprised people are saying they haven't seen this. I happen to work mostly remotely in a smaller town in Florida. When i end up in a situation with new couples, the women all end up in one setting and the men in another. I don't need to talk about work outside the workweek, but the women convo is like vacations and kids and netflix. The men conversation is invariably more interesting for me -- whether the topic or the liveliness. Housewives who don't work and didn't focus on academics are honestly really boring. I almost always would prefer to be amongst the men, but it would be frowned on by the women.

I have had other friends move down here from DC (where we also used to live) and they comment on it too. It's very gendered and sucks.

I of course found girl friends who are interesting and accomplished and i love to talk to them. But your typical mishmash of new couples from around town.... really boring.

You're not a big law partner. It's very obvious. If you were, you'd be intelligent enough to recognize that what you're (allegedly) experiencing in small town Florida (of all places) while socializing in NON LAW FIRM events with local folks unconnected to your firm is completely irrelevant to what the other poster claims to be her experience.

What you'tr describing occurs every weekend in dinner parties and other gatherings all over America. Yes, it often happens that when men and woman and couples gather in small groups to socialize that the men will wander off to one side and the women to another to chit chat. And it sometimes happen that some of the men wish they were socializing with the women and vice-versa. And often the focus of the conversation that the men are having will tend to focus on their jobs because too often men don't have much else to talk about when they socialize.

This is a far cry from the woman who claims that when she goes to law firm social events she's ridiculed by the wives and dismissed by her law partners. THAT does not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No and it makes me really sad that people are even thinking about this in 2025. I feel like we are regressing - and rapidly!

The only thing that is regressing is women who don't have jobs who are happy being a housewife in 2025, who never had or wanted a real job, and who don't have anything interesting to talk abou. That absolutely deserves judgment in 2025.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and it makes me really sad that people are even thinking about this in 2025. I feel like we are regressing - and rapidly!

The only thing that is regressing is women who don't have jobs who are happy being a housewife in 2025, who never had or wanted a real job, and who don't have anything interesting to talk abou. That absolutely deserves judgment in 2025.

Why do you care? They are making a choice that has no effect on you. It’s about having choices and not being told what to one is permitted to do. By a man - or by another woman (you).

[Anonymous]

I work with some very educated high earning women who are married to redneck-type men who are either in low paid jobs or not working. Many didn't complete undergrad, while their wives have PhDs. Honestly, I don't understand the attraction and, yes, I judge them. Usually the men are ugly and have no social ettiquette. Perhaps it's because I'm UC, so I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of came up in a thread about social status recently, but people were talking in abstract terms about how marital status and the person you marry impacts social status.

But I want to know if you, personally, judge women based on the social status of their husbands. If a woman is married to a guy whose family has money, or who has a higher status career like lawyer/doctor/C-suite/finance, do you think about her differently than you would if she was married to someone with working class parents or a lower status job?

Assume the woman's background, job, appearance, are all the same. Does your perception of her change based on the social status of the person she married? Not his personality or how he treats her or what kind of dad he is, but just the external social status based on money, family background, and job status.

Of course women judge other women based on their perceived social status, including the status of their husbands. That's a favorite hobby of most UMC (UC) women in the USA, especially in big cities. Are you new to the USA?

Yep, women judging women is no new phenomena.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with some very educated high earning women who are married to redneck-type men who are either in low paid jobs or not working. Many didn't complete undergrad, while their wives have PhDs. Honestly, I don't understand the attraction and, yes, I judge them. Usually the men are ugly and have no social ettiquette. Perhaps it's because I'm UC, so I just don't get it.

lol think whatever you want to make you feel better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with some very educated high earning women who are married to redneck-type men who are either in low paid jobs or not working. Many didn't complete undergrad, while their wives have PhDs. Honestly, I don't understand the attraction and, yes, I judge them. Usually the men are ugly and have no social ettiquette. Perhaps it's because I'm UC, so I just don't get it.

lol think whatever you want to make you feel better

Well, it might be another reason. Still unfathomable that an educated good looking person (man or woman) would marry an uncouth ugly uneducated person. It's strange. Usually, like marries like.

[Anonymous]

I'll freely admit that I evaluate people partially based on the social status of their spouses. Choosing a spouse is a huge life decision and I find it really fascinating observing the types of people who end up together, especially when the couple seems mismatched in a way one wouldn't normally expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and it makes me really sad that people are even thinking about this in 2025. I feel like we are regressing - and rapidly!

The only thing that is regressing is women who don't have jobs who are happy being a housewife in 2025, who never had or wanted a real job, and who don't have anything interesting to talk abou. That absolutely deserves judgment in 2025.

My best friend from college was a stay at home spouse. Not even stay at home mom. She had depression and this is how she managed it. She had a wonderful marriage and eventually two amazing kids. A few years ago, after her kids were more independent, she did get a job working in the school system.

She's an introvert and perhaps not super interesting to you. But she created an incredible, loving family, with happy, stable, and now successful kids. She has always been a steadfast friend.

Nobody knows everyone's story. We should be trying to support one another, not beating them down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and it makes me really sad that people are even thinking about this in 2025. I feel like we are regressing - and rapidly!

The only thing that is regressing is women who don't have jobs who are happy being a housewife in 2025, who never had or wanted a real job, and who don't have anything interesting to talk abou. That absolutely deserves judgment in 2025.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I judge is childless women who don’t work and live off their boyfriend/fiancee/husband. It’s a trend that I find creepy and pathetic. I’m sure the men have great jobs but I’m not impressed at all and assume those relationships will fail.

Someone sounds jealous.

Actually I stayed at home with my kids and was bored when they were old enough to be in school so went back to work even though I didn’t have to. I like to earn my own money, use my mind, engage with co-workers, etc. so definitely not jealous. Being back at work has made me a better wife and parent - my husband and kids have much more respect for me.

Are you me?
Staying at home was NOT for me.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to say that no, I don't. But in reality, yes. If I meet two women- both friendly, reasonably attractive, seemingly intelligent, similar interests to me- and find that one of them is married to a cop and the other is married to a renowned neurosurgeon, then yes, my impressions of them are going to be different. What can I say. I try not to let it affect how I interact with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if they are a rich housewife of a high achiever who didn’t ever have her own career or achievements, I judge because I assume she has nothing going on. I certainly don’t judge them positively.

In my DH's circle of high achieving immigrants, many housewives are former high achievers who opted for traditional family lives after kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sort of came up in a thread about social status recently, but people were talking in abstract terms about how marital status and the person you marry impacts social status.

But I want to know if you, personally, judge women based on the social status of their husbands. If a woman is married to a guy whose family has money, or who has a higher status career like lawyer/doctor/C-suite/finance, do you think about her differently than you would if she was married to someone with working class parents or a lower status job?

Assume the woman's background, job, appearance, are all the same. Does your perception of her change based on the social status of the person she married? Not his personality or how he treats her or what kind of dad he is, but just the external social status based on money, family background, and job status.

Yes. Your choice of a mate reflects on your ability to choose well.

[Anonymous]

To be fair women with pretty or wealthy genes often end up marrying well just because of their options no credit to themselves.