Do you judge other women based on the social status of their husbands?

[Anonymous]

You can have a great career and still be a social loser or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I have all the right education and good looks, but come from a rather broken family. I married someone wonderful, objectively from a much more high status family than mine. If we ever divorce, I don't think I'll ever remarry because the family dynamics have only gotten weirder over time, and I just can't imagine introducing someone. Honestly, most days I can barely cope with the shame of it myself.

[Anonymous]

Let's try not to whenever we are about to judge anyone for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have all the right education and good looks, but come from a rather broken family. I married someone wonderful, objectively from a much more high status family than mine. If we ever divorce, I don't think I'll ever remarry because the family dynamics have only gotten weirder over time, and I just can't imagine introducing someone. Honestly, most days I can barely cope with the shame of it myself.

Are you a woman? If so, rest assured, if you get divorced it will be your DH"s fault. And you'll find someone better, and younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let's try not to whenever we are about to judge anyone for anything.

That's right. Never judge anyone for anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have all the right education and good looks, but come from a rather broken family. I married someone wonderful, objectively from a much more high status family than mine. If we ever divorce, I don't think I'll ever remarry because the family dynamics have only gotten weirder over time, and I just can't imagine introducing someone. Honestly, most days I can barely cope with the shame of it myself.

I’m so sorry to hear that. At this point, do you think it’s possible for you to reflect on how your own value is not so tied to your family value of origin, but rather to the ways you have chosen to contribute to your community/family/work as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised that the responses overwhelmingly say that the poster doesn’t judge. People know it’s ugly and so many are the not even conscious about it. But judging happens on DCUM everyday. People keep it in better check in real life. But it’s pretty to avoid circles where it is overt.

This. The virtue signaling here is something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised that the responses overwhelmingly say that the poster doesn’t judge. People know it’s ugly and so many are the not even conscious about it. But judging happens on DCUM everyday. People keep it in better check in real life. But it’s pretty to avoid circles where it is overt.

This. The virtue signaling here is something else.

It's extremely obvious that many do judge in this way just by how transparent they are in making sure their social media feed reflects that they want to show off they're dating or married to a high status person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with some very educated high earning women who are married to redneck-type men who are either in low paid jobs or not working. Many didn't complete undergrad, while their wives have PhDs. Honestly, I don't understand the attraction and, yes, I judge them. Usually the men are ugly and have no social ettiquette. Perhaps it's because I'm UC, so I just don't get it.

lol think whatever you want to make you feel better

Well, it might be another reason. Still unfathomable that an educated good looking person (man or woman) would marry an uncouth ugly uneducated person. It's strange. Usually, like marries like.

Yeah undereducated AND ugly -- one of those maybe but both is too much.

[Anonymous]

I mean - some men have money but they are fat or super unattractive or the wife is unattractive or they both suck as people or they have other problems or they have money but no taste or class. A million things go into judgment of others. Most semi attractive women could have married a rich unattractive man so assume if they didn’t they then aren’t jealous that someone else did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have all the right education and good looks, but come from a rather broken family. I married someone wonderful, objectively from a much more high status family than mine. If we ever divorce, I don't think I'll ever remarry because the family dynamics have only gotten weirder over time, and I just can't imagine introducing someone. Honestly, most days I can barely cope with the shame of it myself.

I’m so sorry to hear that. At this point, do you think it’s possible for you to reflect on how your own value is not so tied to your family value of origin, but rather to the ways you have chosen to contribute to your community/family/work as an adult?

I generally believe in my own value, but I can't imagine introducing anyone new to my family when I can struggle to reconcile my own relationship to them. In any case, it's conjecture because I'm also too overwhelmed to divorce my husband. As Taylor says, "it's me, I'm the problem."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean - some men have money but they are fat or super unattractive or the wife is unattractive or they both suck as people or they have other problems or they have money but no taste or class. A million things go into judgment of others. Most semi attractive women could have married a rich unattractive man so assume if they didn’t they then aren’t jealous that someone else did

Barely intelligible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think I judge. Come to think of it, I am not sure I know the profession of many friendly female acquaintances (you know the types you have their phone number but aren’t really long standing friends). Obviously if I have met their husbands I usually know what they do. But acquaintances at work that I chat with or moms who I am friendly with - I am not sure I know (or maybe I once knew but don’t remember). I do know stuff about them that their wives share. Two I heard this week as examples: “DH has coached soccer every year since my oldest was 5 and I have no idea what he is going to do with his free time now that youngest has no longer wants to play”. Or “DH is currently into coffee roasting and while I don’t love the smell, it’s great getting his coffee every morning”. I don’t know what either DH does for a profession. So I couldn’t judge the wives on their husbands social status if I wanted to.

Same. I don't know what any of my bookclub members' DHs do for a living. I also don't know what many of my female coworkers' DHs do. To be clear, I could not care less what they do; it's not important information to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think I judge. Come to think of it, I am not sure I know the profession of many friendly female acquaintances (you know the types you have their phone number but aren’t really long standing friends). Obviously if I have met their husbands I usually know what they do. But acquaintances at work that I chat with or moms who I am friendly with - I am not sure I know (or maybe I once knew but don’t remember). I do know stuff about them that their wives share. Two I heard this week as examples: “DH has coached soccer every year since my oldest was 5 and I have no idea what he is going to do with his free time now that youngest has no longer wants to play”. Or “DH is currently into coffee roasting and while I don’t love the smell, it’s great getting his coffee every morning”. I don’t know what either DH does for a profession. So I couldn’t judge the wives on their husbands social status if I wanted to.

Same. I don't know what any of my bookclub members' DHs do for a living. I also don't know what many of my female coworkers' DHs do. To be clear, I could not care less what they do; it's not important information to me.

I was surprised by the comments where people said they asked what the spouse did or were asked about their DH. I have never asked that question. It may have been asked of me by a stranger making small talk who has run of topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sort of came up in a thread about social status recently, but people were talking in abstract terms about how marital status and the person you marry impacts social status.

But I want to know if you, personally, judge women based on the social status of their husbands. If a woman is married to a guy whose family has money, or who has a higher status career like lawyer/doctor/C-suite/finance, do you think about her differently than you would if she was married to someone with working class parents or a lower status job?

Assume the woman's background, job, appearance, are all the same. Does your perception of her change based on the social status of the person she married? Not his personality or how he treats her or what kind of dad he is, but just the external social status based on money, family background, and job status.

Yes. Your choice of a mate reflects on your ability to choose well.

Here's the thing that so many seem to forget: we don't all value the same things. If a woman values having a man be a full parenting partner, then marrying, say, a teacher would be choosing well and marrying a big-law associate on the partner track would be choosing poorly.