New baby with second husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

Well apparently according to OP it isn't HE who wants one. So no problem at all then, just keep the children she already has!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really need to consider the children they already have before doing sh*t like this. Why is it all too common to brush them aside for the "new" family? Not fair or right at all.

Fair, but they also need to consider their childless partner. It is entirely natural for someone to want their own biological children. For some people, spending time with stepchildren makes them realize they enjoy parenting, but they want the complete package, including decision-making authority over how to raise a child, early bonding with a child from birth, and possibly a genetic connection with a child. People need to think about those things, too, before marrying someone who is childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

Well apparently according to OP it isn't HE who wants one. So no problem at all then, just keep the children she already has!

She's not getting rid of the kids she has, she's having another, just like other parents would who were married. Sounds like you are more worried about money can child support than anything.

[Anonymous]

So many older kids would adore having a baby around. People are being way too negative here. There tends to be bias against having babies over 40 on this site in general.

OP my best friend’s mom growing up had “round 2” while her others were in high school. It worked out great and brought much joy to everyone in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

He married a woman with children. He is a stepfather. He is raising children.

He is not raising his kids. Big difference. Huge difference in being a parent vs. stepparent, especially if stepparent is appropriate and keeps boundaries.

Second wife trying to get more of his $$ I see

A married couple shares money. You cannot get more of his money by being married. Or, having more kids. Its normal and natural to have a child with someone you are married to. You are really greedy. Usually child support doesn't change with remarriage except when a child ages out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really need to consider the children they already have before doing sh*t like this. Why is it all too common to brush them aside for the "new" family? Not fair or right at all.

Fair, but they also need to consider their childless partner. It is entirely natural for someone to want their own biological children. For some people, spending time with stepchildren makes them realize they enjoy parenting, but they want the complete package, including decision-making authority over how to raise a child, early bonding with a child from birth, and possibly a genetic connection with a child. People need to think about those things, too, before marrying someone who is childless.

If you marry a 40+ women with two kids, you likely don’t expect to have kids with her …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really need to consider the children they already have before doing sh*t like this. Why is it all too common to brush them aside for the "new" family? Not fair or right at all.

Fair, but they also need to consider their childless partner. It is entirely natural for someone to want their own biological children. For some people, spending time with stepchildren makes them realize they enjoy parenting, but they want the complete package, including decision-making authority over how to raise a child, early bonding with a child from birth, and possibly a genetic connection with a child. People need to think about those things, too, before marrying someone who is childless.

If you marry a 40+ women with two kids, you likely don’t expect to have kids with her …

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

2nd marriages have an incredibly high failure rate, you already have others kids, plural, one of who is only 9.

The only thing worse than being a single mom if two if being a single mom of 3, one of who is only a newborn or toddler.

Don’t be a simp. Raise the kids you have and enjoy the time you have left with them. If your H wanted to be a father and assuming he’s in his 40s-50s he’d have probably started before he met you and or he wouldn’t have married an older woman.

Don’t manage your life into a ditch. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

2nd marriages have an incredibly high failure rate, you already have others kids, plural, one of who is only 9.

The only thing worse than being a single mom if two if being a single mom of 3, one of who is only a newborn or toddler.

Don’t be a simp. Raise the kids you have and enjoy the time you have left with them. If your H wanted to be a father and assuming he’s in his 40s-50s he’d have probably started before he met you and or he wouldn’t have married an older woman.

Don’t manage your life into a ditch. Sigh.

You sound negative. Our second marriage has lasted 20 years. Maybe your attitude is your problem. No regrets on having ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many older kids would adore having a baby around. People are being way too negative here. There tends to be bias against having babies over 40 on this site in general.

OP my best friend’s mom growing up had “round 2” while her others were in high school. It worked out great and brought much joy to everyone in the family.

So she was a teenage mom?

[Anonymous]

My husband is kid #2 of 6. His mom remarried after he was born and had four more kids. It's a complete mess. And this isn't a too little money situation, everyone involved is an attorney. But he definitely felt like the first round and resents his mother immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many older kids would adore having a baby around. People are being way too negative here. There tends to be bias against having babies over 40 on this site in general.

OP my best friend’s mom growing up had “round 2” while her others were in high school. It worked out great and brought much joy to everyone in the family.

So she was a teenage mom?

NP. Try math. Perhaps kid 1 was born at 25 and the youngest at 40.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked at the number of judgemental posters here. I have a 9 year age gap with a sibling and am very close, my school friend had a much older brother who was already married and it was all fine.

What matters is that it is a planned pregnancy and the baby is dearly beloved. Everyone else needs to keep their mouths shut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

I would at least try, OP. Love is not a zero sum game. You won’t love your children less if you have another one. While you may have a few challenges years, it could be so wonderful for everyone in the long run. Good luck!

Maybe it's not, but it will feel zero sum to the current already existing kids. Love is not zero sum, but time and attention are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

I would at least try, OP. Love is not a zero sum game. You won’t love your children less if you have another one. While you may have a few challenges years, it could be so wonderful for everyone in the long run. Good luck!

Maybe it's not, but it will feel zero sum to the current already existing kids. Love is not zero sum, but time and attention are.

Once again, we're back to a debate about family size. Big family, small family, do what's right for you. You'll figure out how to care for a third child if you want one, OP. It's not that deep.