New baby with second husband

[Anonymous]

I think it’s better when the “new dad” is living in the house with the stepkids, like OP’s situation. My mom had two kids before she married my dad and had two more. Big age gaps (oldest brother is 10 years older, closest is 6 years gap) but we all get along well and my dad treated us all similarly..

[Anonymous]

Did this. I have 1 kid from previous and another with my current husband. 7 year age gap. Currently pregnant with my third at 42. All pregnancies conceived first time, no issues.

My oldest and current youngest get along really well. They adore each other. Don’t get the hate in this thread but I myself had a half sibling from a previous marriage. It’s no big deal.

[Anonymous]

The only issue we had with round two was the nasty greedy exwife who thought she should get our entire hhi vs dad’s income. When baby came she calmed down but youngest was almost 18.

[Anonymous]

There’s a greater likelihood for developmental disorders in kids born to older parents. Factor that in. I say this as the parent of a special needs child. You imagine your life as parent of another like your older kids - it may not turn out that way. My special needs child is my only and I’m completely focused on her and still it’s a hard road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

[Anonymous]

Your kids need you in their tween/teen years, especially following a divorce and getting a new stepfather. And you’re going to put the vast majority of your focus on your Brand New For Real Family Baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did this. I have 1 kid from previous and another with my current husband. 7 year age gap. Currently pregnant with my third at 42. All pregnancies conceived first time, no issues.

My oldest and current youngest get along really well. They adore each other. Don’t get the hate in this thread but I myself had a half sibling from a previous marriage. It’s no big deal.

Or you think it's no big deal because you were the younger one. I assure you it's a much bigger deal to the child who has to live in a stepfamily, have joint custody, and watch the replacement kid have a full-time dad all the whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

You have babies. Already. Stop. Take care of them.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get very, very detailed and specific about how your older children's lives will change because of it. No rose-colored glasses. This is going to affect how much of your time and attention is available to them, and money too. If the baby has a lot of additional needs you may find yourself quite overstretched and everyone will pay a price.

Honestly I would not do it. Quit while you are ahead.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the naysayers and do it if you and your husband are both in agreement!! Your husband may eventually regret not having his own bio child, especially as his step-teens grow, move on and start ignoring both parents (as most do).

I've had several friends (male and female) in similar situations... new baby/babies in most case brought the whole family closer together with older kids (including teens) suddenly more interested in joining family activities and vacations! Their successes are based on honest family discussions, decision-making, and giving the older kids their own time and attention.

If you have concerns as an older mom, visit the Infertility Forum to allay your concerns and get lots of helpful advice (but beware the naysayers and old mom haters also lurk on that forum).

FYI, I because a first time mom in my 40s and had no pregnancy health issues, in fact I felt emotionally happy-giddy every single day, minimal morning sickness, normal or low BP, average weight gain (and quick weight loss) and uneventful delivery of a healthy baby!

I say go for it!

[Anonymous]

I'll add to the chorus advising you to focus on the children you have.

I am a child of divorce and I am SO GLAD neither of my parents was young enough to have more kids. It persists to this day and I am in my 40s.

Don't have more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

You have babies. Already. Stop. Take care of them.

You are really obnoxious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.