New baby with second husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why. Just take care of the kids you've got

+1 this. Just don't. Your kids from your first marriage will end up feeling replaced and rudderless. Why do that to them?

Has anyone noticed that the OP didn't ask about whether she SHOULD have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why. Just take care of the kids you've got

+1 this. Just don't. Your kids from your first marriage will end up feeling replaced and rudderless. Why do that to them?

Has anyone noticed that the OP didn't ask about whether she SHOULD have kids?

She asked if anyone had a "second round" child, and people gave their input there. Cant handle the heat, maybe dont post on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t purely due to age. Older age, more potential complications for you and the baby, more likely kid is to lose parents early.

My 40 year old stepmother opted to have another baby with my dad. Half sister was great, loved by all, but my family really fell apart when she was young due to various health issues. And I know she felt very lonely as the only kid in the house with old parents when the older kids went to college. She’ll get zero financial or physical help from our parents when she has kids b/c they are both basically in their graves now.

40 isn’t old to have a child but 80 for grandparents can be.

Op says she is “over 40” now so she could be 43-44 before she manages to give birth to another baby. It’s old.

And?

[Anonymous]

There’s a reason backlash against “second families” has emerged in recent years — the glut of now-adult children of divorce from the 80s/90s starting talking about THEIR stories from their perspective.

And guess what the majority of us think - it was not worth it and “blending” is very rarely real.

Our long-ago divorced parents are needing end-of-life health care and dying, and believe me, those topics bring up ugly conversations about who is and isn’t a family member like you would not believe.

Don’t think for a minute because there was some apparent blending two decades ago or whatever that who is and isn’t mom or dad’s real kids, and to what degree, isn’t about to rear its head.

Signed,
40-something ACOD who *likes* her stepmom … and I’m still here typing this

[Anonymous]

OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Let me guess, you are the bitter first wife who choose to divorce, and angry that your ex moved on and had kids. You think you are entitled to all his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a reason backlash against “second families” has emerged in recent years — the glut of now-adult children of divorce from the 80s/90s starting talking about THEIR stories from their perspective.

And guess what the majority of us think - it was not worth it and “blending” is very rarely real.

Our long-ago divorced parents are needing end-of-life health care and dying, and believe me, those topics bring up ugly conversations about who is and isn’t a family member like you would not believe.

Don’t think for a minute because there was some apparent blending two decades ago or whatever that who is and isn’t mom or dad’s real kids, and to what degree, isn’t about to rear its head.

Signed,
40-something ACOD who *likes* her stepmom … and I’m still here typing this

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

He married a woman with children. He is a stepfather. He is raising children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

He married a woman with children. He is a stepfather. He is raising children.

He is not raising his kids. Big difference. Huge difference in being a parent vs. stepparent, especially if stepparent is appropriate and keeps boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP "likes babies" and apparently that's reason enough to potentially disrupt her children's lives more than she already has by divorcing and remarrying. Selfish

Its not at all selfish given her husband doesn't have kids. Its selfish not to have a kid with him if he wants one.

He married a woman with children. He is a stepfather. He is raising children.

He is not raising his kids. Big difference. Huge difference in being a parent vs. stepparent, especially if stepparent is appropriate and keeps boundaries.

Second wife trying to get more of his $$ I see

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a reason backlash against “second families” has emerged in recent years — the glut of now-adult children of divorce from the 80s/90s starting talking about THEIR stories from their perspective.

And guess what the majority of us think - it was not worth it and “blending” is very rarely real.

Our long-ago divorced parents are needing end-of-life health care and dying, and believe me, those topics bring up ugly conversations about who is and isn’t a family member like you would not believe.

Don’t think for a minute because there was some apparent blending two decades ago or whatever that who is and isn’t mom or dad’s real kids, and to what degree, isn’t about to rear its head.

Signed,
40-something ACOD who *likes* her stepmom … and I’m still here typing this

Oh ok, no one should have a kid in a second marriage because they will get old someday.

[Anonymous]

I think responders scared off OP at this point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a reason backlash against “second families” has emerged in recent years — the glut of now-adult children of divorce from the 80s/90s starting talking about THEIR stories from their perspective.

And guess what the majority of us think - it was not worth it and “blending” is very rarely real.

Our long-ago divorced parents are needing end-of-life health care and dying, and believe me, those topics bring up ugly conversations about who is and isn’t a family member like you would not believe.

Don’t think for a minute because there was some apparent blending two decades ago or whatever that who is and isn’t mom or dad’s real kids, and to what degree, isn’t about to rear its head.

Signed,
40-something ACOD who *likes* her stepmom … and I’m still here typing this

I hear you, but why is this an argument against OP having a new baby with her husband if she can? If anything, what you are saying is a reason for OP to give her husband a child if that is what he wants. In my opinion, there are two issues: (1) having a baby after 40 is risky (but plenty of people do it successfully), and (2) how much will it negatively impact the older kids? If everyone is willing to work as a team, it could work. If OP's husband is disengaged with his stepkids, OP could be in a difficult position trying to care for a newborn and her older kids. However, women have been caring for babies and older kids for centuries prior to birth control, so it's not that deep.

[Anonymous]

People really need to consider the children they already have before doing sh*t like this. Why is it all too common to brush them aside for the "new" family? Not fair or right at all.