New baby with second husband

[Anonymous]

Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

try and see?
please don't treat your old kids like old kids. This happens more than you would think

[Anonymous]

Try and let us know.

[Anonymous]

I had a surprise pregnancy and healthy baby right as I turned 45. It can happen!

[Anonymous]

Why. Just take care of the kids you've got

[Anonymous]

Dont do it. You have children already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Eww. Your poor kids. I don't get why people do this.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Too much potential downfall. Enjoy your new marriage, but raise the ones you already have. Do you really want to go through all that baby, toddler etc stuff AGAIN?

[Anonymous]

My mom remarried when I was 8 and my brother was 12, my stepdad had no kids, and they considered another. Decided against.

Honesty, I would have loved a baby sister or brother. I love babies and big families. And I think it would have worked out well for our family.

But here is the key thing to think about: how is your husband’s bond with your kids?

My stepdad (one of the best people I know) loves us immensely. The debate was “should we have one more?” since he already considered us his. And my dad was (and is!) active in our lives (joint custody!)

If instead the conversation is “maybe I want one of my own?” - he will always treat that baby better than his step kids and your kids will play second fiddle. Even if he tries and has good intentions.

Think hard about your husband on this. And honestly, it’s not a judgment. Lots of people (including probably myself) would struggle to feel the same towards step kids and biological kids. If that’s your husband, pass. But if you’ve got a diamond of a man there with a huge heart and a lot of love for your kids - then go for it!

Your fertility will be a mystery until you try.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is the "diamond" you say. No pressure either way. It's me who fantasizes about a baby together but I definitely am concerned about my kids from first marriage. It's probably just a fantasy. I love babies.

I would at least try, OP. Love is not a zero sum game. You won’t love your children less if you have another one. While you may have a few challenges years, it could be so wonderful for everyone in the long run. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Don’t do this to your kids. Who do you love more, your kids or your second husband?