This is tough....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you don’t mention the welfare of first kids in your OP speaks volumes. They should be your first, second and third considerations.

IF you have lots of $$, energy, strong coparenting history, proximity, etc. then they stand a chance.

Women with small who remarry don't get the same criticism

What a woman who has a 12 and 14 year and is willing to have another child to make new spouse happy? Yes they also get criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

Yes, on this topic, DCUM is pretty equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

I know a woman who got a child at 45 with a 33 years old man. She had 4 kids from her first marriage. For whatever reasons the man she married saw her as the one. It seems to work for them.

I think women are probably better at blending families than men are. And women are used to raising kids on their own anyways.

So I will say for women it's different. Men are lazy dads especially with newborns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...I have wrestled with the same questions you guys are raising. This is also discouraging because at our age it's already difficult to find a lifelong partner...

OP, you have found that this einen won’t be a good long-term partner for YOU. She wants kids and you don’t. I get it. At 18, I met a fabulous guy and we were very much in love, BUT he was built for a military career that would have destroyed me. I love established friendships and am terrible at making new ones. Pathologically so. I hate change. I hate flights, most vacations (for real), and not getting hugs every day. Marriage for us would have meant a huge sacrifice for one of the other of us. You and your girlfriend are in the same boat. Be honest with her. You don’t want kids. You will not want kids. If she’s not willing to forgo kids, then break up. This is a dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on your two kids who need you now and who you need to help launch.

The bitter ex wife has entered the chat ...

[Anonymous]

Don’t underestimate the poor quality of your aging sperm. It’s a real drawback. Quit while you are ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking down the road...

Your oldest is getting married and at the wedding you're trying to distract the kiddo with iPad games.

Your grandchildren are infants and your older kids could use some help but your new set of kids are still youngish, living at home and need you to run carpool for their sports practice.

You'll be working longer than you anticipated, sayonara early retirement, because college is only getting more expensive every year and extracurricular activities are also $$$.

Will there still be family vacations? With which kids?

I always hear the same old "I'm X (old) age, but I feel like I did when I was 20s/30s/40s. from men." As someone that works with an elderly population, after 50 (which isn't even very old) your health can turn on a dime at any given time. Just like that. One fall, one cancer diagnosis, one heart condition that pops up. You don't bounce back like your youth, you can deteriorate quickly.

The fact that men never seem to think about these very realistic potential outcomes is so sadly pathetic.

This prediction is a bit optimistic with op being invited to a wedding. What I've read more posts of first family kids is their dad is solely dedicated to the new family. He won't help the first kids with college but will fully fund schooling/weddings... for the new family only.

I have seen many happy blended families but they are often that way because there are no financial concerns and they blended with younger children than teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

Yes, on this topic, DCUM is pretty equal.

I think if op were a woman there would be more warnings about not expecting her older kids to be babysitters and less talk of abandonment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

Yes, on this topic, DCUM is pretty equal.

I think if op were a woman there would be more warnings about not expecting her older kids to be babysitters and less talk of abandonment.

I don’t think anyone would tell her the idea was a good one.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. I'm glad that as a woman I'll never have this delimma

[Anonymous]

You will be a lot more tired. Trust me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you don’t mention the welfare of first kids in your OP speaks volumes. They should be your first, second and third considerations.

IF you have lots of $$, energy, strong coparenting history, proximity, etc. then they stand a chance.

Women with small who remarry don't get the same criticism

What a woman who has a 12 and 14 year and is willing to have another child to make new spouse happy? Yes they also get criticism.

I had child #2 when child #1 was 10. Works great for us, but I was 34 and not 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

she wants to get married one day and have at least a child

Be real. She needs to get married now and have a child immediately. Due to her age. Do not waste her time. You will not be a good person for wasting her time.

This. OP you are being selfish by not ending it now. She is thinking she can change your mind and you are thinking with your d—k. You are wasting her fertility. Please end it asap.

[Anonymous]

Here is something else to consider. The new kid would essentially be an only child. You have no idea the kind of energy it takes tobe your kids only playmate at home, playground etc. my only is very shy and it’s been utterly exhausting dealing with this and she is 12 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

You are not compatible. Let her go and find someone her age or closer. You should not start a second family but focus on the kids you have. Find someone who does not want kids. Don't be selfish. Let her go