This is tough....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...I have wrestled with the same questions you guys are raising. This is also discouraging because at our age it's already difficult to find a lifelong partner...

It’s not difficult at her age— it’s difficult for your age, but it’s actually not that difficult if you date people your own age.

[Anonymous]

Men are unbelievably selfish. Why do they keep coming on this site gloating about how they one up’s their ex wife and the kids they abandoned for a new younger woman; aka cruelly wasted some 35-39 year old woman’s time knowing good damn well women this age are desperately looking to have children.

I’m so over it. I didn’t read the comments.

[Anonymous]

How will your 12 and 14 year old feel about it?

I wouldn't want to run the risk of alienating older kids at that age.

Unless they really love babies, odds are not great of them becoming close step-siblings. It's a big age gap.

[Anonymous]

European here where step families seem more common. They are “fine” but the original family kids are impacted for life. Just FYI.

I wouldn’t do it but I also won’t judge you if you do.

[Anonymous]

To play devil’s advocate.

In four years your first kid will be out of the house. They might not care so much that there’s a baby. Second kid will be almost out. If you get engaged in a year, married in one year, pregnant a year after that… it’s not terrible timing for your kids. However you will be a LOT older so you need to consider if you want to do this all over again when you’re essentially done. I know the feeling of being madly in love and wanting to do whatever makes the other person happy. But starting over again with a kid means sacrificing the next twenty years of your life to child rearing.

You have a big age gap. How long have you been together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

[Anonymous]

Be a good dad… to the kids you have.
Don’t make them feel less than by having a new replacement family. They will feel discarded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re crazy to consider this because there are numerous problems with men being over 40 let alone your age. It drastically increases the risk of autism and schizophrenia.

I’m a 46-year-old woman and would never consider having another kid. Think about how that would impact the children you already have as well. Just no.

She’s only 34; she can find a man for under 40.

This

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting her fertile years (they may already be gone)! if you are hesitating at all you need to let her go. There’s a special place in hell for men who delay a woman’s chance to be a mom because they can only think about themselves.

[Anonymous]

She’s making you feel youthful energy again. New relationships are invigorating, but you have to be rational. Imagine being 50 with a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Is that what you want your life to look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How will your 12 and 14 year old feel about it?

I wouldn't want to run the risk of alienating older kids at that age.

Unless they really love babies, odds are not great of them becoming close step-siblings. It's a big age gap.

I was thinking this too. Also, in another 10-15 years, your current children will be young adults getting their own careers started, getting married, and having their own children. It’s a time of life that people can usually really use the support and advice of their parents, but it generally needs to be around the young people’s schedule.
You aren’t going to be available if you have another set of kids at home. You will still be working full time, and you will be spending your evenings and weekends helping with homework and going to soccer games. You aren’t going to be the semi-retired dad that is there to talk about problems or watch grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

Hurry up and make sure you have a good life insurance.

[Anonymous]

If you love this woman, consider having another child and letting another round of love into your life.

[Anonymous]

I have a co-worker who did this. His oldest kids are in their mid-thirties, and his younger set of kids are in their late teens.
I think it has its pluses and minuses. He really does seem to love his wife, and she really enjoys being a mom. He is working full time later in life than he wants to. He has some guilt about not being there for his older kids, and he doesn’t have much of a relationship with them.

He is a physician and former military, and I think his first wife was kind of cold in some ways. I mean, she married someone who she knew would be gone a lot. His current wife is very, very warm and loving. But his second set of kids are a little, I don’t know, soft? Just not very tough. They babysit for me sometimes and are nice kids, but they aren’t sure of their direction in life and don’t go out of their way to work too hard. My colleague feels like he doesn’t really understand them and doesn’t feel that connected with them either.

I think he’s kind of lonely now that I write this out. Most of his close friends from work have retired. He doesn’t talk about being friends with his kids friends parents, and I can imagine that he feels old around them. He does seem super close with his wife, though. Maybe he would be lonelier if he hadn’t married her and had a second family. I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

The divorced women OP's age just hate seeing their male counterpart happy. These women date younger sometimes marry younger and blend families. Yet when it comes to men they spew all kind of nonsense