This is tough....

[Anonymous]

The fact that you don’t mention the welfare of first kids in your OP speaks volumes. They should be your first, second and third considerations.

IF you have lots of $$, energy, strong coparenting history, proximity, etc. then they stand a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

I'm a woman, and heartily agree with this guy. Most posters on DCUM seem to be reflexively against men who want a second family after divorce. They seem to believe the children of the first marriage will be automatically traumatized (well with that attitude, yes!). But they also sneer at women who get married early and have kids young (as in, a biologically healthy age). Basically on DCUM you're doing it wrong if you're not advancing your education and career in your 20s, getting married in your 30s, enjoying a few years of childfree life together, then having kids at 35 exactly, and stop having kids at 40 exactly. After which you need to shut down the baby factory by law. And the man cannot be more than 5 years older than the woman, and they need to have reasonably similar backgrounds and income otherwise they're doomed.

Garbage. I and so many other people are living proof that you can do things differently and be successful and happy.

OP, beyond assessing your health, consider your finances and that of your ex and potential fiancee. Money is the most important predictor of happiness when you have dependents, because a lot of the stressors can be outsourced. If you lead a healthy life, don't have a genetic sword of Damocles hanging over your head from your parents, and are lucky enough to be financially stable... then why wouldn't you have a second family if you want one?

You only have one life. Make the most of it.

Typical selfish American. Not thinking of the current and would-be kids. It’s all only about your happiness.

I'm French. I am not surprised people are attacking me. As I said, there is room for only one righteous way of life according to this forum.

There is no right way to live. Has nothing to do with being French. Just know your current kids will get the shaft. That’s it. I married this man years ago. Trust me I’m happy his kids are older and mine are front and center now. It’s natural instinct and people have to build to love the other kids. It can happen but it’s not natural. And yes I think you’re just attracted to her fertility.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with probably a dozen kids from second families, and things weren’t easy for them either. Second divorces were common. At least half of them lost their dads in HS or college. A lot of the boys were neurodiverse. Most of them barely knew their older siblings.

[Anonymous]

Looking down the road...

Your oldest is getting married and at the wedding you're trying to distract the kiddo with iPad games.

Your grandchildren are infants and your older kids could use some help but your new set of kids are still youngish, living at home and need you to run carpool for their sports practice.

You'll be working longer than you anticipated, sayonara early retirement, because college is only getting more expensive every year and extracurricular activities are also $$$.

Will there still be family vacations? With which kids?

I always hear the same old "I'm X (old) age, but I feel like I did when I was 20s/30s/40s. from men." As someone that works with an elderly population, after 50 (which isn't even very old) your health can turn on a dime at any given time. Just like that. One fall, one cancer diagnosis, one heart condition that pops up. You don't bounce back like your youth, you can deteriorate quickly.

The fact that men never seem to think about these very realistic potential outcomes is so sadly pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Would you be okay taking time and resources away from your current kids? I wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

Look at that. Women like vulnerable men who share what they are thinking and feeling. Exactly like they say they do. Who knew?

This guy above is an idiot: 1 . Child support cannot be regulated contractually. These moms would have a leash on him by filing for increase and blackmailing him with legal fees up until his child is 21 (in DC). My exH was terrorizing me for years post divorce with court claims 2. His child can be taken to a different state.

[Anonymous]

Shallow, but do you want your young wife to see people assume you’re the grandpa? Have her constantly surrounded by younger, more virile dads who don’t have a second family and related obligations?

[Anonymous]

Don't you have a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

OP - how is it with finances ? Do you have fully funded college accounts for two older kids; can you buy a decent house with the new wife to raise family? Can you survive a hit to your retirement with second divorce if, god forbid, that happens ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

I'm a woman, and heartily agree with this guy. Most posters on DCUM seem to be reflexively against men who want a second family after divorce. They seem to believe the children of the first marriage will be automatically traumatized (well with that attitude, yes!). But they also sneer at women who get married early and have kids young (as in, a biologically healthy age). Basically on DCUM you're doing it wrong if you're not advancing your education and career in your 20s, getting married in your 30s, enjoying a few years of childfree life together, then having kids at 35 exactly, and stop having kids at 40 exactly. After which you need to shut down the baby factory by law. And the man cannot be more than 5 years older than the woman, and they need to have reasonably similar backgrounds and income otherwise they're doomed.

Garbage. I and so many other people are living proof that you can do things differently and be successful and happy.

OP, beyond assessing your health, consider your finances and that of your ex and potential fiancee. Money is the most important predictor of happiness when you have dependents, because a lot of the stressors can be outsourced. If you lead a healthy life, don't have a genetic sword of Damocles hanging over your head from your parents, and are lucky enough to be financially stable... then why wouldn't you have a second family if you want one?

You only have one life. Make the most of it.

Typical selfish American. Not thinking of the current and would-be kids. It’s all only about your happiness.

I'm French. I am not surprised people are attacking me. As I said, there is room for only one righteous way of life according to this forum.

And yet you are still here reading and commenting on this forum. The French aren’t known for considering their children over their individual happiness. Thanks for showing us a real life stereotype, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

Look at that. Women like vulnerable men who share what they are thinking and feeling. Exactly like they say they do. Who knew?

I’m skeptical that that guy’s profile contained all the same train-wreck ideas he posted here.

I reviewed that. My first thought was how is that going to play out for the first child of sexy single dentist mom. "Hi, honey, here's your new sibling who comes with a part-time dad who doesn't live with us but really loves kids! Maybe some time if you're lucky...you can go to shared custody time at part-time dad's house with your new sibling!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you don’t mention the welfare of first kids in your OP speaks volumes. They should be your first, second and third considerations.

IF you have lots of $$, energy, strong coparenting history, proximity, etc. then they stand a chance.

Women with small who remarry don't get the same criticism

[Anonymous]

If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

Yes because math is math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman would you guys make the same arguments?

It would be much worse. If a woman asked if she should give birth any time over 40, let alone 45 or 50, can you imagine the responses? That’s not even taking into account taking time away from the existing kids.

Go to the fertility forum and see the misogyny for yourself.